Soldiers
by cdghuntermco
Summary: Some time before the events of Mass Effect 1, Shepard makes the unorthodox call to include Ashley William's unit on a covert op. A Male Shepard and Ashley Williams romance, spanning all three games and beyond. Rated Mature for language and adult situations.
1. Chapter 1 - Circumstances

Soldiers

Sometime before the events of Mass Effect 1, Shepard makes an unorthodox call to include Ashley William's unit on a covert op.

I do not own Mass Effect or any of its subsidiaries.

Chapter 1 – Circumstances

Shepard stepped out of the elevator and into the waiting area. Bypassing the other patrons either waiting or talking, he logged himself in at the reception desk. The receptionist informed him that the Admiral would see him in a few minutes, so Shepard opted to sit down in one the chairs and wait.

Once again he found himself on Arcturus Station, due to meet with Admiral Hackett and be given another mission to complete. And due to the fact Shepard was an N7, it was likely something high risk that the Admirals would only trust in the most assured hands. Shepard might have complained, but this was in fact what he had signed up for. If anything he never wanted the skills he acquired through ICT to be wasted while playing gate keeper on some back water colony.

Soon enough a younger officer came into the waiting area and asked Shepard to follow him. Shepard was lead through a series of hallways and through a door, where he found Admirals Hackett and Mikhailovich standing over a holographic projector table. Shepard snapped off a crisp salute.

"At ease, Shepard." Hackett greeted in his trademark gravelly voice. Sheaprd lowered his hand and accepted the handshake Hackett offered. "Glad you could make it. I hope Anderson doesn't mind we've detained his XO."

"Anderson is fully capable of running the _Tokyo_ without me, sir. And he knew you'd only call if it was important."

"True enough." With a nod of his head, Hackett directed Shepard to the holo table. Inputting a command, Hackett brought up the image of a woman in her mid-thirties. Shepard recognized her as one of the chairmen for Hahn Kedar Manufacturers.

Hackett continued. "This is Beatrice Prior. As you may know, she is an important official within Hahn Kedar, and we rely upon them for our weapons manufacture. We've received reports that the transport ship she was traveling on had been attacked by pirates. They must obviously know who she is, for we've received multiple transmissions requesting the pirates be paid five hundred thousand credits for her safe return."

Shepard nodded, but didn't quite understand where he fit in this equation. "And where do I come in, sir? Want me to track them down and find where they're holding Prior?"

"We appreciate the enthusiasm, Shepard, but we're already a step ahead of you." Mikhailovich interjected. He typed in a few more commands, and the image of Prior was replaced with the topographical overview of a fortified base. It was surrounded on all sides by high rocky outcroppings. That made it impossible to get to the base by anything other than a shuttle or by foot. The outcroppings allowed a height advantage to anyone attacking the base, but that was counteracted by the four sniper perches that stood in each corner of clear land between the base and the outcroppings. In addition, on top of building sat two sets of anti-air defense systems.

"Prior installed a tracking device into her femur some time ago." Mikailovich continued, "Using that, we were able to track her to Utukku, a pitiful little planet in the Mulla Kul System, Ninmah Cluster. The pirates set up base in one of the southern mountain ranges."

"Their anti-air makes it too dangerous to try and drop in troops with Kodiaks," said Hackett. "And we can't bomb them from orbit for fear of Prior being killed in the blast." He turned to Shepard. "The reason you're here, commander, is because you have extensive experience with ground missions such as this. We want you to come up with a plan to infiltrate the base and then lead the assault once we know what to do."

Shepard rested his hand on the table and leaned over the holographic image, spinning it to view the base from different angles. The building was rather tall, so it was likely the facility didn't go too far underground if at all. From what he could see, it only had two entrances. A large gate on the south wall, and an elevator that allowed access to the landing area on top of the base. Contemplative, Shepard gripped his chin, running through different scenarios in his head.

"Whatever you plan to do, commander, make sure that you act quickly." Mikhailovich piped in. "It's likely the pirates will execute Prior once you make it into the base before you can reach her."

Like a light bulb turning on atop his head, the idea formed within Shepard's mind, and a small smile grew over his face. "Well then we make sure the assault team doesn't go near the base."

Hackett and Mikailovich shared confused looks before turning back to Shepard. "How exactly would that help us, Shepard?" Hackett asked.

Shepard zoomed in on the outcroppings south of the base. "What I mean to say is that we'll have the main assault body attack from here. First, they'll use heavy artillery to take out the sniper nests. Once those are dealt with, they'll start laying down small arms fire on the mercs coming out of the main gate. The assault team will make a show of trying to cover ground, but in reality they're staying hunkered down and drawing the pirates' attention."

Shepard scrolled back to the elevator on the northern side of the base. "At the same time, I'll approach from the north, hopefully undetected, and use scaling equipment to make it up to this elevator and sneak into their base from behind."

"By yourself?" Mikhailovich asked incredulously.

Shepard answered without looking up from the hologram. "I move faster by myself, or in small three man teams." He stood up straight and addressed Hackett. "I can't predict how many hostile I might encounter, but most of them should be preoccupied with the activity to the south. I can get in, find Prior, and get out before they even realized they've been duped."

Hackett was already nodding approvingly, going through the logistics in his head. "I say it sounds like a plan. How fast can you and your men get out to Uttuku?"

Mikhailovich gave a dismissal wave of his hand. "The _Tokyo_'s stationed with the Third Fleet right now. It would take too long to break away and head out." He turned to Shepard. "The _SSV Leipzig_ is in dock at this very moment, and she can get you there faster. Thing is, it doesn't have a marine posting right now, so we'd have to bring in another unit."

Ever prepared, Hackett immediately pulled up a holographic list and passed it to Shepard. "This is a list of units on hand that aren't currently stationed aboard ships or on colonies. Read through them and tell us if any of them might fit the bill you need."

Shepard scrolled through the various options, looking through their aptitude scores, service histories, commendations, and commanding officers. One that stood out to him was the 212 Marines, a unit that, despite its outstanding aptitude scores, had a very distinct lack of actual hands on missions. The commanding officer was one Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. Shepard thought he knew the name from somewhere.

He pulled up her bio. From her picture, Shepard could see that she was very much a military woman. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a regulation bun and the tan on her skin denoted the hours she must have spent groundside while stationed in colonies. She held herself with authority, and her facial features spoke disciplined professionalism.

Beyond that, she was well toned for a woman. She had large brown eyes and full lips. While Shepard didn't normally let himself be caught up in things like this, he had to admit she was quite pretty for a marine. Sure, her nose was a bit big and her features a bit masculine, but it all equated to a beauty that was rugged and earned rather than pampered and crafted.

Ms. Williams had a sterling record, the very epitome of what a soldier should strive for. However, her rank was much lower than someone of her skill deserved, and the fact that she lacked actual groundside combat experience was glaring. Needless to say, Shepard was intrigued.

"How about these guys? The 212?" he asked while enlarging the roster over the table hologram so the other two men could see.

Mikhailovich sneered, failing miserably to hide his disdain. "I think a mission such as this requires more seasoned hands, commander."

"These men and women have been working together for a few years. And they've shown to have a good deal of potential."

Mikailovich still looked unsure. "I don't know, Shepard. What if this goes south? If people hear Williams was involved with a botched op, your credibility goes down the shitter."

Perplexed, Shepard looked to Hackett. "Is there something I don't know about Williams, sir?"

Hackett sighed. "You know of Shanxi's history, yes?"

"The only colony we temporarily lost during the First Contact War with the Turians. What does Shanxi have to do with this?"

"Yes. The commanding officer of the colony's military force at the time was General Nathanial Williams."

Now it clicked in Shepard's head. Alliance ships had been driven from the system, and the Turians blockaded the colony. Rather than lose more soldiers and civilians to orbital bombardments, General Williams and his forces had opted to surrender. After the cease fire, Williams had been ridiculed in the public eye and his command taken away. After that he faded into obscurity.

Shepard had once done a report about the man in high school, the topic being take a historical 'mistake' and justify it. Shepard had never faulted Williams for his decision, in accordance to his own mentality of prioritizing saving lives over the mission. However, that had not stopped several of his fellow class mates with relatives in the war berating him for his "wrong opinion."

"Now you see why involving Williams might not be the best option, commander?" Hackett implored, "Besides, she and her men don't have the experience for a mission such as this."

While Shepard maintained an outward persona of calm assurance, he secretly fumed on the inside, furious that the woman he assumed to be General William's granddaughter was being short shafted for events that happened decades ago.

Shepard leveled Hackett with a malign glare. "Admiral, do you mean to tell me you intend to hold this woman and her unit back because of her family's history?"

Hackett stood straighter and folded his arms behind his back, unwilling to visibly back down. "What I intend to do, commander, is assist you in rescuing Prior, in any capacity. Now, do you honestly believe William's unit is the best choice for this mission?"

Shepard jabbed his finger on the data pad showing the 212 roster to emphasize his point. "I know that if I were in William's position, I'd be clambering for an opportunity like this. Not just for me, but for my men. And yes, I've made my decision."

Hackett looked to Mikhailovich, who held his hand up in surrender. "You've made your point, commander. I'll make the calls for William's unit to come in and the _Leipzig_ to start preparations for takeoff. At most you'll have five hours before you depart, but probably fewer, to get your things in order."

Shepard stood straighter and snapped off a salute. "Thank you, sir."

Mikailovich pointed a finger at him. "You can thank me by getting this job done right, commander."

...

"So what do you think we're doing, Brandson?"

"I don't know, Morley," he muttered sourly yet again.

"Oh come on, Brandson! You can't tell me you're not even a little bit curious. Maybe we have to clear a space station full of pirates, or it's a secret mission against the Turians, or…"

Ashley Williams listened to the corporal rant off different ideas, her head ache steadily increasing with each one. She finally had enough when he got to breaking up an underground ring of Hanar prostitutes.

"Morley!" she barked. The young man clamped his mouth shut and stood at attention, but visibly shrank under her withering glare. "The commanding officer will give us the full debrief once we get to the _Leipzig_. Until then, I suggest you keep your goddamn mouth shut."

Morley did indeed clamp his mouth shut, and muttered a "Yes mamn" while finding a spot on the floor extremely interesting. Ashley might have worried about being too harsh on the kid, but she was too grateful for the silence in the elevator to care.

But while Ashley didn't want to admit it, she too was perplexed as to what their mission was. She'd gotten the call from Alliance command stating that her unit was being taken off of their shore leave for a classified assignment. Stranger yet, they also informed her that Commander Shepard of all people would be taking command of the mission. Both of these things were highly irregular for Ashley's service history, and it irked her not knowing just what was going on.

Despite that, she was still a soldier, and she still had to do her job. So she rounded up all of her men, either in person or by comm., and informed them of the situation. Aside from a few groans of displeasure, they snapped to attention and began getting their affairs and equipment in order. With their preparedness, the last few stragglers would make it to the _Leipzig _before even an hour after the call came in.

Still, the whole situation grated her nerves, what with the sudden timing and general lack of substantial info. She couldn't shake the feeling that something had gone terribly wrong. Alliance command would never call on a Williams unless the situation was truly desperate. Not after what happened with her grandfather.

Ash mentally kicked herself. That was a road she had been down numerous times before, and it never left her feeling better. For now all she could do was board the _Leipzig,_ get the briefing from Commander Shepard, and prepare her men.

Although Ashley had to admit she was excited to meet _the_ Commander Shepard. After Akuze the man had become a celebrity on the galactic scale, a poster boy for the Alliance. She didn't actually know much about the man himself, just what she'd read in reports and news articles about his assignments that weren't classified. Just that he'd been born and raised on military ships his whole life, his mother Hannah Shepard was currently a rear Admiral, and his father Daniel Shepard was a veteran fighter pilot who died of a heart condition around the time his son was five.

John Shepard had enlisted at eighteen and had been invited into N school early on. He later went on to become one of the school's highest scoring graduates. On Akuze, he had lost his entire unit to a Thresher Maw attack. Reports were sketchy, but Ashley heard there were three Maws in total, and Shepard took all three down with a Mako, but the vehicle was practically half melted by the time the last worm was dead.

After that Shepard became the Alliance go-to man, almost always on point for the most dangerous and high risk missions. If Shepard was involved, Ashley knew their mission today wouldn't be a simple snatch and grab.

The elevator dinged as when they reached the docking bay and its doors opened. Ashley hefted her duffel bag onto her shoulder and followed her two friends onto the docking area. The _Leipzig_ was thankfully easy to find, as it was the only frigate currently in dock. Upon getting closer, Ashley could see that a number of her other troops were waiting to be let in through the ship's decontamination port.

Eventually they all made their way onto the bridge, where the pilot informed them to head down to the ship's cargo bay. There they could stow away their gear and Shepard would be down eventually to brief them on the mission at hand.

A few minutes later, Ashley and most of her men were congregated in the cargo bay, putting their equipment away as they waited for the last few stragglers. Ashley stood off to one side, doing her habitual cleaning and rechecking of her guns. Suddenly, the group's somewhat loud chattering turned to hushed whispers. Confused, Ash picked her head up and looked to the elevator. Sure enough, Commander Shepard had just walked into the cargo bay, surveying her men with a critical eye.

Ashley had to admit the recruiting adds using his likeness did little justice to the man himself. Shepard walked with a calm but powerful assurance to his step. His entire presence was utterly commanding.

Under that persona Shepard certainly wasn't a sorry sight. His dark hair was close cropped, showing the dips and curves of his skull. He had a strong chin, and his dark blue eyes looked like they could pierce your very soul.

His body could only be described as years intense of intense military training. He had a broad chest and limbs that only consisted of lean cords of muscle. It was as though there was nothing going to waste in his figure.

Ash mentally kicked herself yet again. Checking out your commanding officer _never_ panned out well. Attachments only led to tension during postings and had the potential to derail missions.

_Besides,_ she chided herself, _a guy with looks like that can do a lot better than me._

Shepard approached one the men closer to him and seemed to ask him something. Ash couldn't hear them from where she stood, but she could guess at the topic, as the marine pointed in her direction. Upon seeing Ashley, Shepard thanked the man and made a beeline for her position. Ash put her weapons aside and stood at attention, snapping off a crisp salute when Shepard was close enough.

"At ease, Williams." He extended his hand, and Ashley shook it. "I've read a lot about you."

"Anything we need to discuss, sir?" She was prepared for this part; the rundown. How he was in charge and Ashley wasn't here to hold him back.

"Before you ask, yes, I know your grandfather was General Nathanial Williams."

Ashley nearly jumped to give her normal platitudes and assure she wouldn't disrupt his command, but Shepard cut her off.

"That being said, no, I do not care that your name is Williams, nor do I subscribe to the idea that your name automatically makes you an inept soldier."

That struck Ashley dumb. Normally during these talks her CO's spoke with barely concealed contempt. Shepard spoke as if he were talking to his equal. It was… different, to say the least.

Ash couldn't come up with a proper reply, so Shepard continued. "All I do care about is if you can follow orders, control your men, and get the job done no matter the cost. If you can do those things, then I see no reason as to why we can't work together."

Still reeling from mild shock, Ashley pulled herself up even straighter. "Of course, sir. I won't let you down." A pause. "And… thank you."

"Good." At that, Shepard relaxed somewhat and a smile spread across his face. "Now loosen up. You're starting to make me feel bad."

Ash huffed a laugh and eased some of the tension in her body. If Shepard was anything at all, it would be odd. Normally her CO's didn't talk with any respect toward until she beat in into their heads that she could prove to be a valuable asset. Shepard spoke to her like her potential was general knowledge. It was… nice.

"Permission to speak freely?" she asked him.

Shepard shrugged. "Um, sure. What's on your mind?"

"You're pretty weird."

His brow lifted in mild surprise. "That's not the normal kind of gushing I usually receive, but I'll take what I can get."

Ashe couldn't help but laugh as she leaned back against the weapon bench. "No, I mean you're... different, I guess. The good kind. Normally my CO's can't stand it when they find out I've been placed under their command."

"Well I do like to think I'm not like most commanders. And like I said, I don't care about your name, just what kind of soldier you are. Besides, from all the guard postings I saw in your file, I figured you and your guys might want a change of pace."

"Amen to that. Ever since the call came in Morley's been itching to find out what it is we're doing."

"I'll get to that eventually, as soon as everyone's present. Speaking of which, do you know when the rest of your men will show up?"

"Last I checked three of our guys were still incoming, but they should be here in a few minutes."

Their conversation might have continued, but both of their heads were drawn upward at the sound of the ship's VI. "Commander Shepard to the CIC. Commander Shepard to the CIC."

Shepard sighed. "Well, duty calls." He turned back to Ashley. "But we'll continue this later?" he asked, a hopeful expression on his face.

Ashley felt a wide smile spread across her face. "Sure. I'd like that."

Shepard nodded, his own smile present, before turning and making his way back to the elevator. Ashley watched him walk away, ruminating on their conversation.

Nice ass too.


	2. Chapter 2 - Opportunities

Soldiers Chapter 2 – Opportunities

Brandson thrust his mug of beer into the air and shouted, "To the 212! The best band of sons-a-bitches this side of the Milky Way!"

The rest of the company raised their own glasses and cheered before chugging deeply. Ashley joined them in their cheers, but didn't match them for their guzzling. Ash hadn't nominated herself as designated driver, per say, but she took it upon herself to remain lucid enough and make sure her men didn't get into trouble while they celebrated.

To say the mission was a success would be an understatement. The Hahn Kedar rep was safe, the merc base was nothing but a smoldering ruin, and the 212 hadn't lost a single man. Ash owed it to Shepard's brilliant plan, but he in turn said it was her leadership that won the day.

Once all of Ashley's men were present on the _Leipzig,_ Shepard explained their mission was to rescue Beatrice Prior from a pirate base on Uttuku. He then went into detail about how Williams would lead an assault from the South and provide distraction while Shepard would approach from the North by himself and infiltrate the base via its elevator shaft. Ash and a few of her men were skeptical, but they knew enough not to question an N7's plan.

During the day long period it took to reach the Mulla Kul System, most of the men focused on getting rack time and making sure their equipment was prepared. Ash had spent much of the time talking with Shepard in private, going over more minute details and suggesting alterations where she thought them applicable. Shepard took her criticisms in stride, actually willing to adhere to some of them. They also discussed the men of Ashley's unit, the strengths and weaknesses of each. Shepard offered her a few tips of squad makeup she hadn't thought of herself.

The lead up for the mission had taken much longer than expected. The shuttle was forced to drop off Ash's unit several kilometers South of the base in order to ensure the pirate's detection systems and anti-air defenses didn't pick them up. It did the same with Shepard to the north. So both parties spent several hours trekking to their objectives, ever alert for ambushes but thankfully unhindered. Ashley and her unit then spent another half hour making sure they were properly in position before Shepard's call came in.

The firefight was almost anti-climactic compared to how long it took to reach the base. Four of the soldiers kicked it off by sending rockets into the pirate's sniper nests and taking them out. Then Ashley and her men focused on laying down as much fire as they could on the men at the front gates, mostly with assault and sniper rifles.

Just as Shepard predicted, a large force of pirates gushed out of the front gate to face the intruders. However, Ashley and her men were too entrenched within the outcroppings of rock, and without sniper support the pirates couldn't make any of their shots hit their marks.

They'd been fighting for barely ten minutes before Shepard radioed in and informed them Prior was safe. Not seeing any point to keeping up the assault, Ashley ordered her men to fall back and out of the blast radius of the orbital bombardment that would eventually come down on the base.

They made out almost like bandits. The only casualties of note were Bahtia, who'd been winged in the arm, and Morley, whose pride was hurt more than anything when he fell and sprained his leg. That hadn't stopped either of them from stringing up their wounds in casts and celebrating with the rest of the company.

Upon making back to Arcturus, Hackett praised them all in person and allowed them to resume their now well-earned shore leave. The very first thing Brandson did was organize a night of drinking and partying as a reward for their first real op being such a success. Ashley had half a mind to invite Shepard, but the man had slipped away while Hackett was commending her.

And now here they all were, talking and singing far too loudly. The bar workers might have been upset at how rambunctious they were, but all was forgiven with how much alcohol they were buying. Ashley sat at the counter, laughing as Morley and Sanders did a horrible duet of We are the Champions by Queen. It warmed her heart to see her men this happy and carefree for once. They'd been short shafted by Alliance command so many times; they were making up for all the lost opportunities.

"Quite the rowdy bunch, aren't they?" the man sitting next to her asked.

Ash turned back to him, trying to remember his name. Ron something, maybe. He was a local and one of the bar regulars, who had sauntered up to Ashley and started chatting her up, probably thinking her an easy target. The guy was handsome enough, more so than what you usually found at a place like this. But he was over confident to a fault, and his cologne was a bit too much.

"Can you really blame them?" she replied, raising her voice over the sound of the music. "After all the work they've put in they deserve to let off a bit of steam."

"Oh believe me, I know everyone needs to take a breather once in a while," he quickly added. He put on his best Pretty Boy face and asked, "So how does a girl like you wind up in the military?"

Ash's brow raised in speculation. "What? You don't think I'm cut out to be a marine?"

He took a swig of his beer and shrugged. "I just mean a girl like you could be doing a lot of other things at this point. Not slogging through mud and rain with a bunch of jar heads."

Ash squared her shoulder, almost defiant. "I'll have you know my family has been military for as long as I can remember. I enlisted as soon as I turned eighteen because I support serving for a government that protects its citizens, even if they are loafers like you."

He held his hands up defensively. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I support the Alliance just as much as the next guy."

"Says the man who thinks I'm too feminine to be a soldier."

Sighing, he grabbed his beer and stood. "Look, this isn't going anywhere, so I'll just leave you alone." With that he walked off, probably going to prey upon the cute blonde in the corner that had been ogling him since he walked in.

_Smooth, Ash._ She shouldn't have been surprised. This was the reason she usually shied away from the club scene. Any man who tried talking to her always ended up criticizing her military background. How she deserved to have a _man_ take care of her, preferably while she's doing mundane house wife chores, not slogging it out with the other grunts.

And Ash would always bite back. She was too quick to jump to the conclusion that men were only trying to butter her up, get in her pants, and get the hell out of dodge as soon as they could. Of course that was usually their MO, but Ash hated being treated like some floozy, batting her eyes at strong men with big muscles.

So she chose to drown her abject self-loathing with another swig of her beer. Ash reminded herself yet again that she was here for her boys, not to indulge in a one night stand that'll just leave her feeling shittier in the morning.

"Ouch. Never knew you were such a man eater, Williams."

Ash started at the sound of that voice. She spun in her chair, and sure enough there stood Shepard, looking nothing like the steadfast commander she met a few days prior.

He looked… damn good, clad in a simple pair of blue jeans, a white T, and a jacket that looked as though it were real leather, not the crappy synthetic stuff. She noticed it had a red stripe running down the left arm, just like on his Onyx armor. The whole ensemble made Shepard look much more laid back but still did nothing to hide his amazing physique. Ash couldn't help but feel flustered, as she had decided to parade around in her standard blue BDU's.

"You saw that, did you?" she asked, mind drawing a blank on anything better to say.

"Oh, I did. And if you don't mind me saying so, it looked like you shattered that poor guy's heart." His trademark lackadaisical smile was firmly entrenched on his face, obviously feeling no sympathy for Ron Something. He gestured to the seat next to her. "May I?"

"Of course," she replied, turning somewhat to face him as he sat. "And for the record, commander, I've made a career of breaking young men's hearts throughout the galaxy."

He waved her off. "Enough with the 'commander' stuff. We're nowhere near on duty. If it's just you you and me, call me John."

Ashley flashed him a grin of her own. "If that's the case, then you just call me Ash."

His voice lowered several timbers. "It would be my genuine pleasure, Ash."

She tried telling herself it was the base of the music sending tingles down her spine.

"If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here, John?" She over enunciated his name a bit, smitten with the novelty of being on a first name basis with Commander Shepard.

He laughed a bit and looked down bashfully, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. "Actually I first tried out a bar a few blocks down the way. I guess a couple regulars came in and started complaining about how they were ousted from their usual haunt because a bunch of 'no good loud mouth marines' were mucking up their bar.

"I got the nagging suspicion it might be the 212, so I decided to head here. And from what I can see, it looks like I was right."

"Wow. That's…" she looked for the right words.

"Mildly stalker-ish?"

"I was going to say sweet, but I think you may be on to something."

"Ha! Well, I'm here now, and I guarantee I'm a harder man to turn away than Pretty Boy over there. Besides, I wanted to talk to the marine that sniped the one pirate you guys missed with the rocket launcher."

Ashley winced. A powerful gust of wind had blown in just as the missiles were being launched. One had been pushed off course just enough to missed the Northwest tower altogether. Thinking fast, Ashley had pulled out her sniper rifle and lined up her sights on the pirate before he truly knew what was happening.

"Oh right, that. Look, Sanders had actually been on her mark but some bad luck got in in the way. Don't go too hard on her."

"Oh no! I don't care that the rocket missed," he replied emphatically, "I just wanted to buy a drink for the sniper that took out the pirate. That was a damn good shot."

"Really? In that case I'll take a light beer."

His eyes widened. "That was you?"

"Surprised?" She might have felt offended, but strangely enough she didn't, her Cheshire grin spread across her face.

"No! Like I said, that was a really good shot. I don't know if I could have pulled that off. Where'd you get so good with sniper rifles?"

Ash shrugged. "Most of our postings are colony defense details. That means lots of down time. So I took a lot of my off time and worked on sniping rocks from farther and farther away."

Nodding appreciatively, Shepard turned to the bar keep. "Two light beers."

As the man got the drinks, Ash quirked an eyebrow at Shepard. "Trying awfully hard to loosen me up, huh?"

"What? Oh, no! The second one's for me."

The eyebrow remained quirked.

"So I couldn't think of what I wanted and went with the first thing that came to mind. Sue me."

Ashley laughed as they took their bottles. Chinking their bottles together, Ashley and John took long droughts, relishing the mild burn of alcohol as it passed down their throats.

Shepard was like nothing Ashley expected. Where his service history painted him as a serious, calculating man, he was actually carefree and downright fun to be around. And it was because of this she couldn't push away the lingering doubt.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked as she put her bottle down.

"Of course, anything."

"Why did you actually choose me and my unit?"

He canted his head, his smiling falling just a bit. "I thought we already went over this. I don't care that your name is Williams."

"I don't mean that. I mean why were you willing to take a chance on someone you didn't even know?"

He looked away for a moment, contemplative. His voice was much more serious when he spoke next. "If there's anything I hate, its wasted potential. Knowing good people are languishing because they just haven't had a chance to prove themselves."

He fixed Ashley with a point stare that near took her breath away. "And I knew if I were in your position, I'd hate being constantly passed up because of events I had no control over. And remember that I read your file. I knew I could take a chance on you because you're the exact kind of person I'd want watching my back in a firefight. You've kept persevering in the Alliance even though you've basically been blacklisted. You're loyal to your men, to your superiors, and to your ideals. To me, all that means you deserve more recognition then you've been getting."

Ashley leaned back in her seat, completely at a loss for words of any kind. She already knew Shepard looked at her like an equal. But this? To know he held a woman he'd only known for a few days in such high regard was more than she could process at the moment. Never in her career had she met someone who so inherently believed in her, besides her family of course. And to be coming from John Fucking Shepard of all people? It was an honor in of itself just to be praised by a man like this.

"Wow," was all she could manage.

Shepard shrugged. "It's true. And Uttuku proved that to me. You're a better person than everyone sells you to be."

Ash had to look away. She couldn't let Shepard see the tears that threatened to spill over, and she had to cover her mouth with a hand to hold back grateful sobs. Forget the military; no one had ever talked to her like this period. She couldn't remember the last time someone spoke to like she was actually a person, not just an asset to be used.

Shepard leaned in and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, his voice softer. "Hey, you alright?"

She screwed her eyes shut and nodded vigorously a few times, something halfway between a sob and a laugh breaking through her hand. She turned back to him with bleary eyes. "I'm sorry, I just… I can't tell you the last time someone spoke to me like that."

He gave her a small smile. "I just like giving credit where credit is due."

She let out a quiet, more genuine laugh. "No, you don't get it. I mean you're the first person in literally years to talk to me like you actually give a damn about who I am. To treat men like I'm good enough to be soldier I want to be."

He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and in a voice devoid of any doubt, said, "You are that soldier."

Ashley looked away, simply enjoying the warmth of both his words and his touch.

"Now buck up, marine," he implored in a cheery voice, "From the looks of things Brandson wants to pound my face in."

Ashley craned her neck to look behind her. Sure enough, Brandson stood with some of the others, looking over at Shepard and Ashley like an overprotective older brother, wary of Shepard doing something to hurt his sister.

She flashed him a smile without having to fake it and sent him a small wave. Brandson still looked skeptical, but gave an assenting nod and turned back to his group.

"Don't worry about Tommy," Ash said, turning back to Shepard, "He's the oldest of our group and tends to act like a dad to everyone."

"I'll be certain not to piss him off." He turned back to her with a more serious expression. "But are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine, really. Better, maybe."

"Good." He leaned back again, but not as far away as before, sporting a large grin while he took a swig of his beer.

Putting it back down, he said, "Break not, O woman's heart, but still endure. Break not for thou art royal, and endure."

The words clicked in Ashley's head and her eyes lit up. "Remembering all the beauty of that star, which shone so close beside Thee that ye made, one light altogether, but had past and leaves, the crown a lonely splendor."

Shepard's eyes widened in surprise. "You know Tennyson?"

"Just because I can drill you between the eyes at a hundred meters doesn't mean I can't like sensitive stuff." Ash leaned in conspiratorially. "Just don't go spreading it around. I've spent too much time making my men think I'm a stone cold bitch."

He made a cross over his heart. "Your secret is safe with me. So, which of his is your favorite?"

Ash thought a moment, but the answer was obvious. "Ulysses without a doubt. It was always my dad's favorite."

"I'm guessing he was the one who beat some culture into you?"

"Shut up!" she said, playfully shoving him. "But yeah, I owe a lot of who I am to him. He had me record myself reading Ulysses whenever he shipped out. He must have had at least a dozen different copies by the time he retired."

"Wow. And he still likes listening to them after all these years?"

Ashley's smile turned melancholy. "I hope so. I read it to his grave whenever I'm home."

Shepard looked away, shame clear on his face. "Sorry," he said quietly, "I know what it's like to lose your father."

"Thanks, and it's alright. That wound healed years ago. And I like to think he'd be proud of who I became."

Shepard let out a small laugh and turned back to her, some of his humor returning. "Believe me; any father would be proud of you."

"Sweet talker."

"I try."

Ashley laughed a bit, but the incredulity of the whole situation struck and she couldn't hold back a fit of giggles.

Shepard quirked an eyebrow. "What? It wasn't that bad, was it?"

"I'm sorry, but you're just like nothing I expected."

"Yes, we've gone over how weird I am."

Ash rolled her eyes. "You know that's not what I meant."

"So what do you mean?"

"I mean that I expected you to be a stone cold bastard who didn't give a damn about grunts like me. You're…" She trailed off, gesturing to his personage with her hand.

"Charming? Debonair? Devilishly good looking?"

"Adorably bumbling," she supplied.

"Wow. Nice to know you hold me in the same regard as a Beanie Baby."

Ash laughed. "You know what I mean. You're fun, easygoing, not acting like every word you utter is calculated." She made a show of roving her eyes over his body, like a lioness inspecting its kill. "Though I must admit Alliance propaganda doesn't come near close enough to describing how cute you are."

He smirked and struck a suggestive pose on his chair. "Well, there are some reputations I like living up to."

They lasted a mere moment before peeling over in laughter. Ashley may have had a few beers in her, but Shepard… _John's_ presence was far more intoxicating. With how close they were she could feel his warm breath on her face. She could smell the alcohol, but was far more enraptured with his own scent, a mix of some mild cologne and his own heady musk. His whole body radiated comforting warmth that one just wanted to fall asleep in.

There Ash went again thinking of him as being more than a friend or a commander, but she felt no need to curtail her thoughts. Not with how his muscles bulged under his clothes, or how his eyes looked at her with utter compassion, or how firm his lips looked-

Her eyes shot wide when she felt those lips against her own. A strong hand came up to caress her neck and a moan escaped her, Ashley's eyes drifting closed. She brought up a hand to rest on his shoulder, maybe to push him away, but instead she gripped his jacket with a fiery intensity that shot down to the warmth pooling in her stomach.

After a moment they pulled away, slowly, still in mild shock from what they had just done. Ashley stared at him wide eyed, beseeching him for any kind of explanation.

John looked down, that adorably bashful smile back in place. "I'm sorry; I let myself get carried away. We were both laughing, you looked so beautiful, and I figured I'd take a chan-"

She shut him up by kissing him back.

…

_Author's Notes:_

_First of all, I had intended to put this with the first chapter, but the excitement of posting my fist ever fanfiction chapter got the better of me and I blanked on adding in an Author's Note. _

_That being said, allow me to fully say hello! I have been a fan of fanfiction for quite some time and a fan of Mass Effect for far longer. So I finally decided that I'd had enough of reading and went ahead and posted Soldiers. _

_Soldiers was born out of my undying love for Ashley's character and the frustration of thinking that she never got the respect she deserved throughout the series. At the moment I only have about five chapters planned out, the two I've already posted, one following the events of this chapter, and two taking place during the beginning of ME1. After that I have a bunch of loosely connected ideas but no real plan. Also, keep in mind the focus of this story is Ashley and Shepard's relationship, how they interact with each other, and how they interact with the other characters of the series. It will steer away from recounting the missions in detail unless they are pertinent to the story._

_I don't have a clear idea of what exactly constitutes as a large amount of internet traffic. However, I must say the first chapter has been getting more traction than I expected. Along that train of thought, I want to give a shout out to united88, Colonel Hatake, and Shepard112! Your reviews, while short, are much more encouraging than you might think. And thank you to everyone else who has already followed, favorited, or at least viewed this story. Again, the attention has been more than I expected, and I hope to please you with further chapters. So please feel free to review, whether it be to point out a spelling error or submit an idea you think might work with the story._

_P.S. At this point I am not looking for a Beta reader. If anything I still need to get a better idea of how Beta Reading works on this site exactly. _

_P.S.S. Does anyone know how to make those grey lines other authors use to break up sections of their stories? The real thin gray ones that cross the entire page. I'm not sure if it's a fanfiction feature or something I can do myself in Word. _

_P.S.S.S. The poem Shepard and Ashley recite words from is Dedication by Alfred Tennyson. I must admit I'm not big into poetry and picked a poem that seemed to fit the situation based a cursory read through. _

_P.S.S.S.S. I'm sorry about the really long Author's Note! I just had a lot of stuff to get off my chest. For future chapters I promise that if I need to put in another Author's Note it will be much shorter. _


	3. Chapter 3 - One Day More

Soldiers Chapter 3 – One Day More

Ashley woke up from one of the best naps she'd had in a long time. Blearily opening her eyes, she deduced she had somehow made it back to her motel room from the bar last night, and the clock on the bedside table read a quarter after nine in the morning.

Yawning, she stretched out her limbs, working out the knots that had formed overnight. She brought a hand up to her head to brush away the errant strands of hair from her face. That she wore no clothes under the sheets and there was a pleasant ache coming from her lap attested to the deplorable acts she got up to last night, and a lazy smile wormed its way across her face. She took a moment to fully recall what had happened, and her blood ran cold.

Lieutenant Commander John Shepard, N7, Survivor of Akuze, and all around Alliance hero, had kissed her.

And she had kissed him back.

The rest passed by in a sort of haze, but it followed the general story of Ashley taking John back to her motel room (all the while vigorously kissing and groping each other in the skycar on the way their), shoving him on her bed, and shredding away whatever innocence the two of them had left.

Shepard certainly wasn't the first man Ash had ever slept with, but she never remembered any of her other trysts being that _spectacular._ They'd been in the throes of passion for hours, stopping only when their bodies were well and truly exhausted.

And now here was Ashley, sitting in a bed that positively reeked of her and John's combined scents.

Alone.

Looking to the other side of the bed she could make out the depression where he had fallen asleep. But now the man was gone, along with all his clothes and any other evidence indicating he might have been there.

Gingerly, Ash sat up straight and draped her legs over the side of the bed, dragging the bed sheet with her. Resting her elbows on her knees, she hung her head in her hands.

Of course he was gone. Just like the other men she'd indulged herself with. Just like Ash when she couldn't stand to say goodbye to the other men before they awoke. This was just how this kind of thing worked. Had she'd actually been expecting it to be different?

_But John was different._

She hated how goddamn hopeful that thought sounded. Sure, he'd been different enough. A cut above the usual crop. Different enough to work past Ash's defenses and get him what he wanted. He may have been Commander Shepard, but John was human just like the rest of them. He wanted the same things, he was just craftier at getting them.

Ash crossed her arms over her legs. Despite that John was gone and Ash felt hollow inside right now, last night she'd had a lot more fun than she had in a long time. So if anything positive could be taken away from the situation, it was for one night, she felt as though someone actually cared enough about her to make her feel like a person again.

So engrossed in her self-wallowing, Ash almost missed the ping alerting her that her door was being unlocked. Gripped with sudden panic, Ash simultaneously gripped the bed sheet to her chest to cover her body while reaching for the pistol she had fastened to the back of her night stand.

Her fingers wrapped around the handle just as the intruder passed through the doorway, and Ashley's jaw dropped.

There stood John Shepard, largely unchanged from the prior night, from the leather jacket to the carefree smile entrenched firmly on his face. The only differences were that John held her room key and a bag full of something with an enticing aroma in his hands. Ash breathed a sigh of relief and withdrew her hand from the firearm.

"Good morning," he said in a chipper voice. "I was wondering if you'd be awake when I got back. Uh, your motel doesn't have a breakfast buffet, so I stopped at a fast food place and picked up a few sandwiches." He jostled the bag in his hand, as if providing evidence to make Ash believe him.

He tossed the key card onto the night stand as he sat down next to her. "I hope you don't mind I appropriated your key. I needed some way to get back in."

"Oh, no, you're fine." Dazed, she took the egg and sausage sandwich he offered her in the hand that wasn't holding up the bed sheet. But instead of eating, she stared first at the sandwich and then at Shepard, the pair lapsing into awkward silence.

Foregoing his own breakfast and putting the bag on the floor, John bumped her shoulder with his own. "You okay? You're quiet."

"I'm fine," she answered a bit too quickly, "Just, confused I guess."

He canted his head, clearly not understanding.

_Don't ask. Don't ask don't ask don't ask!_

"What are you still doing here?"

_Shit._

John drew back, a hurt expression crossing his face. "Do you not want me here?" he asked slowly.

"No!" She dropped the sandwich and reached out to grip his shoulder, as if to keep him planted if he planned to walk away at any moment. "I mean, you weren't here when I woke up, so I figured you'd… left."

Ash immediately regretted voicing her concerns, as John frowned at her in consternation. "Just what kind of man do you take me for?" he asked, put out.

"Oh god." Ash buried her face in her free hand, unable to look at John from shame. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. You weren't here and I guess I freaked. Shit, I wasn't trying to call you some asshole that just walks out on women."

To her surprise, John actually sidled up closer and looped an arm around her shoulders. "Hey, I didn't mean what I said either," he implored in a soft voice. "Come here." He pulled her to his chest and reached his other arm around to massage her bare back. Ash rested her head in the crook of his neck and sighed, reveling in the warmth of his touch, how his hand erased any tension it found on her back. It was scary just how safe she felt, wrapped by powerful arms that could easily crush her but chose instead to cradle her.

"Sorry for calling you shallow," she mumbled.

She felt John's shoulders lift up in a shrug. "Well I did leave; I'm not surprised you jumped to that conclusion. But don't worry about it. All that that matters is we're both here now."

They stayed like that for a few moments, basking in its serenity, Ashley letting out small moans whenever John found a sensitive part of her back. Ashley listened to his heart, thumping strongly within his chest. The contented silence was broken when John chuckled atop her head.

"What?" she asked.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Nothing."

"Come on, what is it?"

John sighed and rested his chin in her hair, and his arm stopped its ministrations, opting to curl around her waist. "It's just, I might have lied a bit last night." Skeptical, Ashley pulled her head away to look him in the eye. That damn bashful smile was back in place. "Well, lie of omission if anything."

"Is this part where you tell me you're actually Shepard's body double?"

"No! Though I don't think the galaxy could handle two faces as beautiful as this." Ash rolled her eyes, and John continued. "The truth is when I heard the 212 was nearby, I headed to your bar hoping… you would be there."

Ash pulled back a bit, giving him an incredulous stare. "Me?"

"Well, yeah. On the way back to Arcturus I thought a lot about you while I was filling out my report. About our conversations from a few days ago, how well you led your men, and about how I might be able to boost your credibility with Alliance officials. The thing is, after we got back and we went our separate ways, I didn't stop thinking about you. And I noticed my thoughts about you weren't entirely… well, let's say professional.

"So I figured I'd track you down and get to know you, without the mission or rank hovering over us. Try and understand just what it was that got you lodged in my head." He gestured around the room with one hand. "I never expected this to be the outcome when I walked into that bar," he returned the hand to her waste and leaned his forehead against her own, his smile matching hers, "but I can't say I'm entirely displeased."

Ashley smirked. "Well, who knew you could turn Commander Shepard into such a love sick puppy with a few choice compliments?"

"Yeah, yeah. Rub it in while I'm pouring my heart out." If John actually felt offended, it was completely undermined by the large grin on his face.

"Oh suck it up, marine. I don't go out with whiners." Ashley lifted her free hand to caress the side of his face, her thumb massaging his cheek. Her voice turned serious. "But seriously, thank you. That might be the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Even if it is mildly stalker-ish?" he joked.

"I certainly wouldn't say _mild,_ but you're cute enough to make up for it."

Ash loved the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed. Emboldened, she leaned in and planted a quick kiss on his lips. However, one quick kiss led to one long one, and that in turn led to longer, deeper kisses. Ashley closed her eyes and looped her other hand around his neck, reveling in the sensations he gave her.

Slowly, John turned their bodies. Deliberately but gingerly, he starting lowering Ash's body back to the bed, not once breaking the contact of their lips.

"Mmmm!" came her muffled cry.

John immediately pulled back, concerned he'd done something to hurt her. "Are you okay?"

To his relief Ash reeled her head back and laughed. "You made me lie down on the sandwich."

Chuckling himself, John fished the thankfully still wrapped food out from under her back and tossed it aside. He then moved to resume their activities, but a firm hand on his chest kept him at bay.

In response to his confused stare, Ashley said, "Despite how much I'd love to go another round, I feel like I can barely walk as is." John smirked, smugly proud of himself, but relented and let her sit up. "Besides," she continued, "you need to go take a shower. You still smell from last night."

He chuckled. "Yes mamn." As he stood up, Ash also asked him to get her shirt, which he scooped up off the ground and tossed to her. Before passing into the bathroom, John paused in the doorframe and turned back to Ashley, fixing her with a quizzical stare. "You know, we could be very economical right now."

She quirked an eyebrow, already guessing where this was going. "Yeah? And how's that?"

He leaned against the doorframe, trying (keyword) to act nonchalant. "Well you know how Arcturus administrators are constantly telling us to conserve water where we can. We could potentially cut our water usage in half by showering together." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oooh, so you want another chance to see what I have to offer?" Ashley replied with a mischievous grin. Faster that John expected, Ash grabbed a pillow and flung it at his face. He caught it, but by the time he removed it from his field of vision Ash was already fitting the hem of her shirt around her waist, effectively covering her upper torso. "Well that's something you have to earn, lover boy."

Shaking his head and chuckling, John dropped the pillow and entered the bath, closing the door behind him. After a moment Ash heard the sound of running water, so she made to get up and started gathering the rest of her clothes off the floor. She put her undershorts back on and fished out a large sweater from her dresser, markedly colder now she was out of the warm embrace of both the bed and John's arms.

The rumble from her stomach reminded Ash she had yet to eat anything today, so she picked up the sandwich John tossed aside before and unwrapped it. _A bit flattened, but still good._ She was on her third bite when John called out from the shower.

"So how long are you guys still on shore leave?"

"We've still got about a week and a half before our new orders come in!" she called back. In return for interrupting the 212's shore leave, Hackett had graciously extended their leave period by a few days. "What about you?"

"Ah, my CO wants me back on the _Tokyo_ within the next few days, so I have to ship out tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh." Ash replied, not wondering if her voice was loud enough for Shepard to hear. She let herself sink back onto the bed, the hollow feeling already returning to her chest. After what happened last night and the confessions they went through this morning, she'd been hoping to spend more time with John. Maybe figure just what it was they were.

Possibly sensing her disappointment, John called back, "But I don't have anything on my agenda today! Maybe you and I could do something together?"

Despite herself, Ash felt a smile grace her lips. "Only one day of shore leave and you choose to spend it with some lowly grunt?"

A moment's pause. "No. But I'd sure as hell spend it with Ashley Williams. Besides, I'd be loath to let either of us spend Valentine's Day alone."

That made Ash pause while she crumpled up the wrapper of her finished sandwich. "What?"

"It's Valentine's Day!" John yelled back emphatically.

Confused, Ash pulled out her Omni Tool to check the date while she shot the wrapper into her waste bin. Sure enough, it read February 14th, the date slotted this year to host the celebration of Saint Valentine. "So it is," she muttered to herself.

Ash heard the water shut off. "So what do you say?" John continued, his voice lowered now that the water wasn't muffling him. "Let this old N7 show a pretty girl a good time?"

Ash considered for a moment while she got a fresh set of clothes from her dresser. "I hope you realize I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to romance."

"I'm not saying we'd have to buy fancy get ups and have dinner at the most expensive restaurant on Arcturus." Ash heard the door open, and she turned to see John walk out clad in his jeans and T-shirt, running a towel over his head. "How often have you been to Arcturus?" he asked her.

Ash shrugged. "Including now, maybe four times. And I've never had much time for sightseeing."

John grinned. "Then let me give you a tour around the station. Show you a bunch of the hot spots most tourists don't know about."

In response, Ashley sidled closer, placed a hand on his chest, and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. "I think I'd like that," she whispered in his ear, rewarded by the shiver sent down his body and the shaky breath he let out. Ash made to move past him and toward the bathroom, but just before he was out of reach, she sent a hand out to give him a swift smack on his ass.

John jumped. "Hey!" He turned about and made to grab her, but the laughing Ashley dodged his grasp and dove into the safety of the bathroom.

* * *

Once Ashley was cleaned and clothed, opting to go out in a light blue blouse and a pair of grey jeans, she followed John out of the motel and let him take the lead. She might have teased him for wearing the same outfit as yesterday, but they had went back to her place, so John didn't really have any other options. Besides, his outfit was a great view to look at, so Ash couldn't complain. Though John did tease her about keeping her hair up in a bun. He suggested she let her hair down, since today was supposed to be a carefree one. Ash decided to meet him half way and tied her hair up in a simple pony tail that fell down behind her neck.

They started out in the commercial district, Shepard giving tidbits of history about Arcturus, the businesses that began here, and some of the work that went into making the whole thing life sustaining. He described what it was like as a teenager growing up here, or on the various ships where his parents were posted. Ash lamented that he spent his childhood jumping from ship to station to ship, never being allowed to actually live groundside and experience planet side life. John shrugged off her concerns, stating that whenever he went groundside for training or missions it was always either raining, snowing, hailing, humid as hell, or erupting. The last one was a mission where a pirate base he was doing recon on was inadvertently built atop an active caldera. "Easiest mission I've ever completed!" he said.

Ash could relate, though instead of ships it was different colonies her family kept jumping between, based on where her father was posted. John commented at least Ash had her mother and three sisters to keep company. Ash confessed that with her father away so often, she acted as a sort of father figure for her younger sisters, and that in turn led to years of tension between her and eldest sister Sarah. When John asked if they were still not talking to each other, Ash recounted the tale of how she had taken emergency leave to help Sarah deal with an ex-boyfriend, but her concerns were unfounded when Sarah broke the boy's nose when he tried to hit her. After that the two bonded, and Ash and her sister still stayed in contact no matter where Ashley was posted.

Despite all of that, John still wished he had a brother or sister growing up. Someone to lean on after his father passed and when his mother was too busy working. Ash reminded him that taking care of younger siblings was always a lot of work, stating how her father would always say he felt more outnumbered at home than on a battlefield.

Around noon, John led Ash into a more isolated part of the station, where he showed her his favorite pizza joint. Ash was skeptical at first, hardly one to call pizza a romantic meal, but she soon realized why John adored it so. Apparently the owner had family in one of the colonies, who managed a goat farm. So instead of using the cheap, synthetic cheese most franchises used nowadays, the man imported goat cheese from his family. And due to the out-of-the-way position of the restaurant and some creative loophole managing, he got the cheese largely tax free, so he could still sell his pizza at low prices.

When Ashley asked John how he found this gem, he bashfully answered that he'd woken up in the alley after a long night of drinking with a couple friends. Hung over beyond all relief, he stumbled into the first open doorway. Rather than berate John, the owner allowed him an out of the way booth and supplied head ache pills while the alcohol wore off. Grateful, John ordered the most expensive pizza they had, and where he expected another run of the mill slice, John fell in love. Like clockwork whenever John had enough time to walk around Arcturus, he'd visit his favorite pizza joint at least once.

Ash ordered two slices with chicken and green pepper, and could honestly say it was the best slice of pizza she had ever eaten. While they ate, Ashley recounted her time spent training when she first enlisted with the military, from the basic training in Brazil, to zero-G training on one of Earth's orbital stations, to combat scenarios performed on Saturn's moon Titan. John and Ash roared with laughter when they realized they'd both had Gunnery Chief Ellison as their training instructor. They remembered the man and his penchant for abnormal fraises fondly.

Leaving the pizza parlor, they traded funny experiences they had in basic. John remembered the time he and his friends snuck into the local zoo, and were promptly chased out when the gorillas somehow managed to break free of their pen. Ash countered with the time a few other recruits decided to play a prank on her by swapping out her normal blue armor with a gaudy set of pink and white Phoenix armor. Rather than hide in shame or rebound on the pranksters in anger, Ash wore the suit with pride to live fire accuracy training. That day forward, Ash kept the armor as her good luck charm, as she had scored a 100% accuracy rating at all ranges. The closest man behind her scored 83%.

The entirety of Ashley's service record could be summed up in two and a half sentences, so John took the lead and described his tenure with ICT. Though he could look back on it now and laugh, at the time it was absolute hell. ICT pushed applicants to their breaking points and told them to keep going. There was a reason most recruits dropped during N1, and fatalities during train were not uncommon. While it was without a doubt the hardest thing he had ever done, John persevered, continuing on with the training even when instructors told him there was no shame in backing down. His graduation day was one of the proudest moments of his life; with his mentor Anderson positively beaming. It was also the only day he had seen his mother cry, but thankfully with tears of happiness.

Akuze was only mentioned in passing. A footnote that allowed him to Segway to his service history. Ashley couldn't possibly imagine the pain he went through that day, but she knew enough dredging up memories like that would only lead to ruin. So she didn't mention it, allowing John to continue speaking while they stopped to buy drinks from a street vendor.

He went on to describe some of his favorite ops in detail. When Ashley voiced her concerns about a lot of them not being privy to open discussion, John waved off her concerns, stating, "Censoring gold like this is a crime to screen writers everywhere. Besides, I'm still leaving out the important info, like names and places."

John told of how he'd been among the first wave of marines who responded to the mass pirate attack on Elysium. Somehow, a soldier on shore leave had managed to rally the planet's remaining defense force to keep the Batarians out of the city long enough for the Alliance to come in with backup. John wished he could have met the man himself, but he had died while defending a breach in the city's defenses singlehandedly. Last John heard, the man had been posthumously awarded the Star of Terra.

Not wanting to dampen their mood, he moved on to other missions with happier outcomes. One of his favorites was the time he was doing undercover work on Illium, and accidently got roped into breaking up an underground ring of Hanar prostitutes (_Morley is going to freak!_ Ash thought to herself).

After that they'd lapsed into idle chatter, not talking about anything particularly important, but talking for the sake of hearing each other. Ash could not remember having laughed and smiled so much in one day. So much so that her face actually started to hurt. But one glance at John and his stupid grin and she couldn't help herself.

They discussed Tennyson, Hemmingway, Whitman, and countless other writers who wrote poems they appreciated. For a while they played a game where one would recite a few lines from a poem, and the other had to guess the title.

Somehow the topic of religion came up, and Ash could feel the air become heavier around them the slightest bit. Religions in general had lost a lot of clout in the past few decades, what with the discovery of alien life supposedly not within God's plan. Ash was always nervous to confess she believed in Unitarianism, wary of how people might treat her differently. Shepard took her confession in stride, though, stating firmly that it was everyone's right to choose what they believed in and how he'd fight to the end to defend that right. But when Ashley asked if he believed in anything, his eyes took on a faraway look. John said he'd been raised Catholic, but had since forgone religion of any kind.

Willing to let a sleeping dog lie, Ash suggested they sit down and have dinner, as it was getting later in the day. By the time they found the right place, fancy but not too upscale, they'd nearly walked a full circuit around the circular station. Once seated, John impressed her with a surprisingly large amount of knowledge about different wines. He tried sweet talking her into a quick wine tasting event they'd passed by earlier, but Ash informed him he was barking up the wrong tree. She'd always been more of a whiskey girl.

Much of the meal passed in silence, but the pair kept stealing quick glances and smiles across the table. Ash was sad to note her parmesan chicken was made with synthetic cheese, but it was still good nonetheless. She voiced her concerns to John, claiming he'd spoiled her for food everywhere. The man had simply laughed in response.

After dinner they continued walking around, this time foregoing conversation and simply enjoying the companionable silence. Ash walked on John's left, her right hand intertwined with his left, and her head resting on his shoulder.

"Have you seen the park?" he asked out of the blue.

Ash picked her head up to look at him. "This place has a park?"

John smiled. "I think that's a 'no'. Come on, I'll show you." He led her by the hand to the outer edge of the station. Within a few minutes, Ash could see why John would remember this park specifically. It was far larger than Ash expected, and she marveled at how a patch of green life like this could sustain itself on a station consisting of little more than steel and glass. It was predominated by evergreen trees, and the spaces between them were filled with bushes of more species of flowers that Ashley could count. Citizens milled about the various paths through the greenery, talking or admiring the plant life. Through the tree line she could see a vast amount of stars thanks to a large window on the side of the station. It almost gave the effect of a forest under a starry night sky back on Earth.

"Beautiful." Ash eventually muttered.

John's grin only widened. "I thought you might like this." He glanced upward, a shifty look in his eye. "Although this isn't exactly what I wanted to show you."

Before Ash could ask what he meant, John was already leading off to the side of the park. Stopping at a door that read 'Staff and Workers Only', John typed in a code and the door opened for them.

"And you know the code to get in here, why?" Ash asked as she followed him inside.

"I know a guy." John replied as he started to ascend a ladder. "It's up here."

Skeptical, Ashley followed him up the ladder. They'd climbed in silence for a few minutes, Ash wondering just how high they were going. Once John made it to the top he turned back to help her cross the threshold. He made to open up a door close to them, but seemed to think better of it and turned back to Ash.

"Close your eyes," he told her in a surprisingly serious voice.

Wary, Ash did as she was told, but not without adding, "You know, I'm pretty sure this is one of those situations my sex-ed teacher kept telling me to stay away from."

She heard him laugh and the sound of a door opening. "Just trust me." She felt him take her hand and allowed herself to be pulled forward. The creak of metal whenever she put a foot down did not assuage her anxiety. Her free hand accidently brushed something, and reaching out to grab it she realized it was a guard rail, like you'd find on a catwalk. She noted she could still smell the earthy scents of Arcturus's mini forest.

"John Shepard, just where exactly are you taking me?" she asked with a nervous chuckle.

"You'll see." After a few more steps they finally stopped. John let go of her hand and angled her body so that she was facing a certain direction. Whispering, he said, "Alright. Open your eyes."

Ash did so and immediately gasped. Stretching out before was what looked to be the entire cosmos. To the left was the Arcturus star, and to the right she could make out the system's mass relay. And everything in between was up filled up with more stars that Ash could possibly count. Looking up she could see the window curved upward, so one could see even more of the sky. And looking down she found they were on a catwalk overlooking the park.

"Oh my God," was all she could manage. The whole view was something beyond beauty. From this spot she could make out star clusters, gas formations, the outline of the Milky Way. Space itself might be pitch black, but all the stars and planets within it made for a kaleidoscope of colors, from motes of red and orange to splashes of blue and green. It felt like Ash hadn't looked up at the sky in a long time, and she'd forgotten the majesty it holds.

"Quite the view, isn't it?" John asked her.

Ash tore her gaze away from the expanse of colors and focused on the man leaning on the railing next to her. John had a far off look to eyes again, like he was trying to categorize every minute detail of the picture before him. Ash noted just how utterly at peace he looked. Sure, he'd been relaxed throughout the day, but John always held himself at attention with some amount of authority. Now, here John Shepard stood. Not the commander and not the survivor of Akuze. Just a man finding peace where he could.

"You take all the girls you like here?" she asked playfully.

John let out a quiet laugh. "Only the pretty ones." Ash chuckled, and John continued. "But for me, this has always been more cathartic than anything. Coming up here and looking at all of this, it helps me remember."

"Remember what?"

"I don't know really. Seeing a galaxy this big, it reminds me that there are boundless opportunities out there. Opportunities for some run of the mill military brat to go out and do something amazing. To become something bigger than himself and leave a mark on history."

Ash knew exactly what he meant. Even from a young age John Shepard could probably never stand to just fade into the background. He was a man who wanted to experience life, not view it through a lens.

She leaned on the railing next to him, leaning her shoulder against his own. "I completely understand where you're coming from. Only, for me, it was always sort of a means of escape. The idea that I could travel to someplace new, where I could find a fresh start and just help those who need it."

John nodded, finding her ideology respectable. The two stood there for a while, soaking up the view. John pointed out a few constellations astronomers of Arcturus deemed noteworthy.

"You come here a lot, don't you?" Ashley eventually asked him.

He nodded once more. "It's why I always check into the Marriott Hotel a few blocks away. It's the closest hotel to the park, so I can come here when I want and it won't interfere with my schedule too badly."

Ash turned to face him with a smirk. "Oh, so you mean you've been angling for us to spend the night in _your_ place tonight, huh?"

John turn to her with a perplexed face, before his eyes widened in realization. "Oh! No, I didn't mean… well, I was going to offer… we don't have _do_ anything… I just…" He turned away, his face bright red. "Yeah," he finished lamely.

Ashley instantly became worried, foregoing her teasing manor. John Shepard was not a man so easily reduced to stumbling over his words. Something was definitely wrong.

She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and spoke with a softer voice. "Hey, are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"

John shook his head. "No, believe me, this isn't your fault. It's… my own problems. I don't want to trouble you with them."

"John, please. Just talk to me. I can't help if you don't let me."

He glanced at her sidelong before screwing his eyes shut. He gripped the railing in front of him with such intensity Ash saw his knuckles go white. "I didn't have any nightmares last night," he blurted out.

Ashley's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

John took a deep breath before he continued. "You're the first person I've slept with in… well, years."

Somewhere in her head, Ashley connected the unspoken dots. "You mean since Akuze." It wasn't a question.

John nodded. "A few months afterwards the psychologists cleared me for active duty again, but… the nightmares never stopped. The images of my men blaming me for letting them die. Of the fires, and the Maws, and the stench of death and… and…"

By now quiet sobs began to wrack his body. Ashley moved closer and moved her hand to rub his back, trying to console him. "It's alright. We don't have to talk about this."

"No." His eyes opened then, staring out into the view of space with a steely determination. "No, I need to say this."

Ash stayed quiet, letting him work up his resolve. He needed to talk this out, and by God she would listen.

"They prescribed a medication to suppress dreams, but… I never wanted to trade nightmares for an addiction to pills. Sometimes they wouldn't come back if I pushed my body to utter exhaustion, or if I got completely shitfaced with booze. But even when those did work I never felt better about myself.

"But last night felt like the first time I'd been able to sleep in peace in _centuries._ And all I'd done was let one of the most amazing women I've ever met take me to bed." He finished with a shaky laugh, incredulous at the whole situation.

Ash knew what he was trying to say. That where psychology, medicine, and self-medicating failed, simply spending a night with her had assuaged the demons from his past from haunting him, at least for one night. She didn't know if she entirely believed it, but John did, and if she could do anything to alleviate the burdens he carried, she would do so without hesitation.

Gingerly, she placed her hands on either side of his face and made him look at her. In his deep blue eyes, desperately trying not spill tears, she could see all the terrors he experienced that he kept hidden from the outside world. Ash could see that beneath his persona of charm and authority, he was a broken man who had see far too much death for one soul to bear.

But beyond that, she also saw his strength. How despite all the death he's seen, he still finds the courage to persevere and keep going. His fortitude and willingness to do the right thing, no matter how great the sacrifice.

Ashley did not see Commander Shepard, the staunch Alliance hero. Nor did she see a man broken by the things he had been forced to endure. Ashley saw John Shepard, a man who found the will to continue and fight for that which matters to him.

She leaned forward and connected her lips with his own, both of their eyes drifting closed. John's hands found her waist. It was a kiss not deep and full of lust. Rather, it was soft, and tender. Ashley tried to will a thousand different emotions through the connection. To prove she didn't think John was a broken man, but that he was good, and he was so much more than the events of his past. That at least one person saw past the suffering and pain and cared for him as the person he was.

They pull away after a moment, and Ashley looks back into his eyes. She knows there are connections between them, some she doesn't completely understand. But what she does know is that John Shepard has changed her, and she will never be able to forget him or what he has done for her.

Slowly, she pulls away, and takes his hand to lead him back to the service ladder. "Come on," she implores quietly.

John goes along easily, a small smile gracing his features. "Where are we going?"

She smiles back at him, putting as much affection into it as one face can hold. "Well, from what it sounds like, there's a big comfy bed waiting with our names on it."

* * *

_Author's Notes:_

_So, that turned out to be a lot longer than I originally planned. So much so that I actually cut this into two chapters. The second part should be up in a few days. _

_A quick shout out to those who have read, favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. It all means a lot to me._

_And a super big thank you to Ravereli for helping me figure out how to use Divider Lines! You rock!_

_Just to be clear, I was raised Catholic, but I completely support everyone's right to their own decision as to what they believe in. I'm portraying Ashley as a Unitarian because a friend once described the religion as, "Believe in God, be nice to everyone, make your own choices, and you're cool." _


	4. Chapter 4 - Parting Ways

_Pre Note: I realized I haven't been adhering to the copyright etiquette in any of my previous chapters. So even though I in no way am making money from writing this story and I doubt Bioware would sue a guy for writing fanfiction, I still think it's better to ere on the side of caution. _

_I do not own Mass Effect or its subsidiaries and assets (but by god I wished I did). _

Soldiers Chapter 4 – Parting Ways

Around six thirty in the morning, John Shepard awoke with a smile on his face. And for the first time in years, it is due to his own predisposition for waking up at early hours.

Not the memories of Thresher Maws bursting out from underground. Not the faces of his long dead team mates trying to pull him into their unmarked graves. And not the mile high flames come to melt the flesh from his bones.

No, that night John had dreamt of walking the stars, hand in hand with a brown eyed goddess, and he woke up when he was good and ready.

He lay there for a few minutes, in the dim of his hotel room, simply resting before his day had to truly begin. He went through some of his most recent and earliest memories, and he can't remember a time where he has been this… happy. Graduation day for N Training, he remembered being proud and thankful that he's made it through, and anxious for what came next. Or his eighth birthday, when his mother had been able to get off duty and pay a surprise visit to his party, John was full of excitement and energy.

On both those occasions and more John had felt happiness, but he'd never experienced it quite like this. This feeling of everything just being right with the world, and John could finally be allowed to sit back and relax with that which he cared for. A feeling of elation and freedom, like some door long hidden away burst open, letting in a cleansing light to chase away the shadows within him.

A small sigh sounds to his right, and John looks over and finds that which helped him find this happiness, and he feels a smile spread across his face at seeing her.

Ashley Williams, still clad in her blue blouse and undershorts, lies curled into his side, an arm draped over his bare stomach. She uses his chest as a pillow, and her hair splays out in odd directions. With is right arm curled protectively around her shoulders, he reaches the left over to brush away a few errant strands of hair from her face, revealing a small smile formed from pleasant dreams. He likes how she looks with her hair down. Ash's features appear softer somehow, like she hasn't spent years in the military. It makes her look more… approachable, maybe.

John immediately nixed that idea. More approachable meant more men would have the desire to hit on her, and the thought of Ashley flirting with other men leaves a sour feeling in his gut.

John sighed. He looks at this woman and he knows he's fallen for her. Hard. They'd met barely a week ago and yet John feels like he has known Ashley Williams his whole life. She is strong, smart, beautiful, confident.

And braver than John thinks himself to be. Shepard was already a respected name among the Alliance before John enlisted. He had always been expected to go on and do great things. But the Williams named had been dragged through the mud before Ashley was ever born. But she still enlisted, despite all the naysayers trying to keep her back. She knew no one would give her sympathy or an offer of help, but still she kept going, working herself to the bone to prove she could be better than what others believed her to be. Ash had called it a special kind of stubborn unique to being a Williams. John called it a special kind of perseverance.

Truth be told John was on the brink of having a heart attack when he realized he kissed Ashley in that bar two nights ago. He hadn't been in a situation like that in years, just having a conversation with a woman that wasn't about protocols or mission reports or squad tactics. He didn't know where all his cheesy lines came from, but talking and laughing with Ash had spurred him on. A part him he hadn't seen in quite some time, the fun and cheerful part of himself, had come back out from hibernation, all because he wanted to impress a woman he'd only met recently.

When he pulled away he expected Ash to react negatively. To slap him, or yell, or indeed get Brandson to pound his face. He never expected her to kiss him back while he bumbled through an apology. Nor did he have any real control over the rest of their night. Yesterday morning he woke up from the first peaceful rest he'd had in years, and looking at Ashley sleep beside him, he knew something had changed inside of him.

The entirety of their date yesterday was John thinking on his feet, trying to come up with ideas he thought Ash would like. Thankfully, they seemed to share a lot of the same interests (_Other than choice in drink apparently, Miss I'm-too-good-for-wine_)_._

John berated himself for breaking down in front of her like that last night. He thought he'd suppressed his demons, compartmentalized them so no one else would have to see them again. But Ashley came in, and while he wasn't entirely sure what it was she had done, she had wormed through his defenses and made him put down his walls long enough to see him in such a vulnerable state. And again, where John was certain he'd scared her off, Ashley stayed, saying more with her kiss than words could possibly express.

John leans down and plants a kiss to the top of her head. Ash only shifts marginally, letting out a content sigh. For the life of him, John can't think of what it is he's done to deserve the affection of a woman as wonderful as Ashley.

An overly loud ping from his Omni Tool pierces the quiet of the hotel room and John winces. Ash groans, burying her face into his chest. Before the signal alerting him he has a video message can blare again, John brings up his left hand up to face and presses the holographic Connect button shining from his Omni Tool bracelet.

A video screen materializes, bathing John's face in yellow light, and the image of Admiral Anderson pops up. "Shepard," he greets, in a voice far too loud for what the situation calls for.

John tries to urge him to keep his voice down, but the damage is done, as Ash stirs and groans next to him. "Five more minutes," she mutters.

Anderson gives him an apologetic smile. "I take it this is a bad time?"

"You could say that." Shepard replied.

Anderson chuckles. "Hell, son, I'm just glad you got yourself laid for once in your life."

Shepard gives him a scowl, which only deepens when the woman beside him laughs as well. Ash props herself up on an arm and gives Anderson a lazy salute. "Morning, sir."

John mutters an apology as she gets off the bed, but she waves him off as she moves to the bathroom. Sitting into an upright position, Shepard can see Anderson lean forward and try to look beyond the confines of the video screen.

"Wait, was that Chief Williams?"

"Anyways!" Shepard interjects before Anderson can ask too many questions, "Care to explain why you're interrupting my beauty sleep, sir?"

Anderson still looks skeptical, but turns to address Shepard. "Of course. There was an incident along the border yesterday, and the situation is slowly starting to escalate. I won't go into details over a vid chat, but suffice to say I may have need of my XO in the very near future. I sent a shuttle to pick you up, and it should be at Arcturus in a little more than an hour."

John feels his chest become hollow with disappointment. Originally his transport hadn't been slated to leave until 1400 hours, and he'd been hoping to spend what time he had left with Ashley. Now they would have to say goodbye much sooner than they wanted to.

Hiding his displeasure behind his Commander Mask, Shepard responded, "Of course, sir. I'll be prepared to leave when it gets here."

Anderson nodded and terminated the call. John let his mask fall and he sighed, letting the back of his head rest on the wall behind him. He almost forgot that even when everything feels right with the world, the galaxy can comeback in whenever it wants to remind you how messed up it can get. But if anything positive could come out of this, it was that John was grateful to have at least met Ashley Williams.

"Hey Ash?" he called out to the bathroom.

"I heard!" she called back, and John could hear the underlying disappointment in her voice. Obviously neither of them liked how their plans were being accelerated. She opened the door and leaned on the frame, fixing John with a sad smile. "Duty calls, right?"

"That it does," he agreed, draping his legs over the bedside and smoothing out his pants where they'd gotten bunched up overnight. He felt his shirt thrown over head, and John smiled despite his moping. He removed it and looked over in her direction, seeing Ashley working her long legs back into her jeans. "So where's the 212 headed next?" he asked, genuinely curious.

Ash shrugged as she worked the hem of her jeans around her shapely waste. "I know we're slated for colony defense, but I don't know where yet. Though Hackett did mention putting in a good word for Eden Prime."

John hummed appreciatively as he put his shirt on. "Eden Prime's definitely a step above the usual roster. I hear it's beautiful there."

"I've heard that too. Maybe I'll send you a postcard. What's next for you?"

John considered for a moment. "I'll go back to being XO on the _Tokyo_ for a while, but I know Anderson wants me to join up with him on a project he's been heading for the past few years."

"Sounds fun. And classified."

John shrugged. "I probably couldn't tell you anything even if I knew more. Though I do know it's a joint venture between the Alliance and the Hierarchy."

"The Turians?" Ashley asked incredulously when she sat down beside him, working on tying up her boots. "Some kind of goodwill thing?"

"It's more than that, I think. But like I said, I don't know much else and then it'd probably be classified all to hell."

Ashley let out a quiet chuckle, and the pair lapsed into silence while she finished up her shoes. Once those were done she placed her hands on knees and turned to John with an expectant gaze.

John worked his jaw open a few times, but he was at a loss for words of any kind. How do you say goodbye to someone who had such a profound effect on you? Or put a close on one of the most joyous weeks you've had in years?

Ashley sighed. "Look, I suck with words. Other people usually say what I mean better than I do. But… I had a lot of fun. And frankly, I'm glad I got to see past the Commander and meet John Shepard." She bumped his shoulder with her own. "For the record, this old N7 _does_ know how to show a girl a good time."

John smiled at her comment. Gingerly, she gripped his chin and angled his face so she could plant a long kiss on his cheek. Pulling away, she said, "Stay safe out there, John." With that, she stood up and made for the door to his hotel room.

"I should be telling you that," he said after her. Ash paused in the doorway and sent a smirk over her shoulder. His voice turned serious. "Goodbye, Ash."

Her deep brown eyes became softer. "Bye," was all she said quietly, and with that, she was gone, the door sliding shut in the space she once occupied.

John felt his smile fall and his shoulders slump, and he wiped his hands over his face. He was beyond happy that he and Ashley had been able to spend a day together without pressure of any kind, but it did little to alleviate the hollow feeling in his chest. He couldn't shake the suspicion that he had done something wrong somehow.

Defeated, he stood up and stretched his limbs. He wasn't nearly as sore as yesterday morning, since last night they'd been too tired from walking around all day and opted to simply fall asleep together.

On a whim he decided to move to the window and pull back the curtains to let light into the room. He braced a forearm on the glass and leaned his forehead on it, looking out over the view presented. From his room he could see Acrturus Station's 'skyline' and where it eventually curved upward into the 'sky'. He could see a vast amount of space through the large windows placed throughout the station's exterior walls.

But most importantly, he could see Ashley Williams, walking down the street below him. Even from three stories up he could recognize the confident gate of her walk and the assurance set into her shoulders.

Almost with a mind of its own, a memory came to the forefront of John's mind. One he hadn't bothered to remember for quite some time.

_Ten year old Johnny Shepard and his mother Hannah sit at the table of their small, utilitarian apartment eating breakfast. His mom told him her work would likely keep her through the night today, so she insisted upon at least having one meal with her son before they had to part ways. _

_At one point Johnny looks up from his bowl of cereal and sees his mother looking off into space, that glassy look to her dark blue eyes whenever she's remembering something sad. She is also fiddling with the gold band on her ring finger again. _

_He follows her gaze to one of the few pictures they keep on a side table. It is a picture of Johnny and Hannah, both of them looking much younger, standing with the man Johnny remembered to be Daniel Shepard, his father. The man is a mirror image of what John looks like today, but with warm brown eyes. Daniel has the cheering four year old Johnny shitting on his right shoulder, with his left arm looped around his wife's shoulders. Both sport large, loving smiles for one another._

_It is one of the few pictures left of Daniel Shepard where he is not donned in pilot gear or sitting in the control pit of his fighter. It had been taken while the family was on vacation during Hannah's shore leave._

_Hannah realizes she's been caught staring and gives her son an apologetic smile before going back to her news report and mug of coffee. The two of them had moved on since Daniel's peaceful passing years ago, but it was never a wound that would ever completely heal over. _

_Overcome with a strange curiosity this fateful morning, Johnny decides to ask his mother a question. "Hey, mom?"_

"_Yes, sweetie?" she answers without looking up from her data pad._

"_When did you realize you loved dad?"_

_All of her movements stilled and Hannah stared at her son with wide eyes. But the boy simply looks back, waiting for any kind of answer. After a moment Hannah laughs a little, and she puts her things aside before folding her hands together atop the table. "My, now isn't that a story."_

_Johnny cants his head, confused, and Hannah laughs a bit more. She'd always said John had somehow memorized all of his father's mannerisms. _

"_Oh, your father and I went back many years," she continued, her smiled turned nostalgic. "I was serving as an officer aboard a carrier, and I was in charge of making sure the fighter pilots integrated well enough with the rest of the crew."_

_Her smile broadens and her eyes dance as she comes across fond memories. "But this one hotshot, a cocky piece of… ahem, stuff, takes a fancy to me almost the instant we meet. He spent the entire cruise talking to me, getting to know me, constantly asking me to go out with him. A few friends told me to report his unbecoming fraternization to my superiors. But I'd never felt threatened or embarrassed by his advances. I'd always found him sweet, funny, bumbling at times. _

"_About halfway through our tour I called his bluff, and I told him I'd go out with him, but only if he could somehow make our date work on the ship." Hannah closed her eyes and propped her face in one hand, laughing more. "Oh god, did he deliver. He set up a small picnic beneath the area where his fighter hanged during the night shift, and he somehow rigged his fighter to alternate between a series of different colored lights. Add in the candles and it was much more romantic than I expected. _

"_To this day I have no idea where he found the two chicken breasts he cooked himself for our dinner. It was during that first date I realized I cared about him, maybe as much as he did me. After that we became something of an item aboard the ship. No one batted an eye because we weren't really in the same chain of command, so fraternization regs didn't apply to us._

"_Unfortunately, the tour came to an end, and I was due to be reassigned under Hackett's command on a cruiser. Daniel and I told ourselves that the relationship we'd had was a result of being cooped up on a ship together. He was due to retire in a few years, but he recognized that I still had a long service ahead of me. He said he didn't want to hold me back from my dreams._

"_The day I had to disembark, we said our goodbyes in the docking bay by the ship. We left on good terms, but I just couldn't get over how terrible I felt. I got only about halfway down the bridge connecting to the main Arcturus docking area before I looked back at him, still smiling at me. And I considered this man for a few moments, this man who made me laugh and smile, who dredged back up feelings I had long thought buried forever. At that moment, I asked myself, 'Could I live with never seeing Daniel Shepard again?'"_

_Hannah shook her head and wiped the back of her hand over her eyes, even though no tears had escaped. "And I realized my answer was no. So I dropped all my things, ran back, threw my arms around him and told him that I loved him. That no matter where life took either of us, in the end I wanted us to always be together. God, John, the man looked like he'd just been given the key to the Citadel he was so happy."_

John Shepard stood against his window, looking down on Ashley Williams as she walked away from his hotel, thinking. About what his mother had told him so long ago. About the amazing day he spent with Ashley. About how she had gotten him to open up where a legion of doctors couldn't. And he thought about how far he was willing to go for true happiness.

_Could I live with never seeing Ashley Williams again?_

"Hell no," he growled.

Acting quickly, John tore open his traveling bag and found the pad and pen he kept for writing. He ripped out a sheet of paper and wrote down a series of letters and numbers. After that he threw on his shoes and jacket, caring little for how he looked, and burst out of his hotel room.

Foregoing using the elevator (Slow elevators was one of the few universal constants), John flew down flights of stairs and past perturbed hotel guests to the main lobby and out the front door. From there he veered left, not quite running but not quite walking either, in the direction he saw Ash go off in.

She's gotten quite the lead on him, but thankfully Ash is only plodding along and Shepard covers the distance between quickly. The whole time he can't help but feel like an actor in a cheap rom-com he'd gladly make fun of on any other given day.

John is about a block away from her when he calls out her name. Ashley pauses, like she's deciding if she really heard her name or if her mind is playing tricks on her.

John is closer now. "Ashley!"

This time Ash whirls around in surprise, and her eyes connect with his. "John?"

"Wait up!" He finally crosses the last few meters between them, huffing out his breaths, and it is when they are only separated by a mere foot of space that he realizes he has no idea what to say. So engrossed in his realization that he wants to continue seeing Ashley, he didn't come up with a plan of persuading her to agree.

He briefly notes she kept her hair down while he holds out the piece of paper. "Uh, here."

Ash looks confused, but takes it nonetheless. "What's this?" she asks, looking it over.

"My contact info," he supplies without elaborating.

She looks back up at him, showing no signs of understanding just what exactly he's going for.

John took a deep breath before continuing. "Look, Ash, I care about you. And I don't want my time with you to end and become a memory I'll eventually forget. I want to spend as much time with you as I possibly can. Because I think you're beautiful and fun and confident and a thousand other things equally endearing."

He rubs the back of his nervously, and his voice takes on a slightly pleading undertone. "You're the first person to make me feel human again in years, and I… I don't want to say _goodbye_ to you. I want to show you how much you mean to me. I want to make you as happy as you've made me. I want be there when you prove it to your superiors you're a better soldier than anyone else in the Alliance. I want to-"

Ashley closed the distance between them and placed two fingers on his lips, effectively silencing him. "Has anyone ever said you talk too much some times?" she asked playfully.

John feels his mouth pull into a smile as he nods. Ash hummed appreciatively, and pulled the hand away to rest it on his chest, right over his heart. Her expression turns serious as she looks down at the piece of paper curled in her other hand, and John suddenly becomes afraid that she'll say no.

"Look, I don't hold any illusions about long distance relationships, and I'm pretty sure you don't either," she began. "And the truth is you and I have barely known each other for one week. This has been fun, but we don't know if it could still last months or years from now."

John deflates, understanding what she's saying as true. He can't help feeling utterly depressed, but he knows he can't force her to do something she doesn't believe in. He respects her too much for that.

He tried to pull away and mutter some kind of apology, but Ashley's hand on his chest curls his shirt into her fist, stopping from moving anywhere. Before he can protest, Ash looks back up at him, and the hopeful look she gives him sends electricity racing up and down his spine.

"But," she continued, "that's usually the case for normal people. And from what I've seen, you and I are far from normal."

John huffed out a laugh and nodded in agreement. Ash went on saying, "And the real truth is I care about you too. A lot more than anyone else I've ever met. Because I think you're handsome, and brave, and caring, and a thousand other things just as virtuous. So maybe years from now, when you're an admiral and I'm too tired of whipping soldiers into line, I want to come back to this, and I want to see if this can work."

John is grinning from ear to ear now as he leans his forehead against her own and moves his hands to her waste, happiness flooding his system through every pore. "I'd wait an eternity for you," he whispers.

"I certainly hope so," she whispers back in a breathy voice, "Because if there's one thing I hate, Shepard, it's sharing."

On an impulse Ash leans in to give John a quick kiss, but he isn't having any of it. He wraps his arms around the small of her back and pulls their bodies flush together while he seals their lips in a long, passionate kiss. He feels her arms encircle his neck and he swallows her short, breathy moans, countering them with his own long, low rumbles of pleasure.

"You… do not… make it easy… to walk away… from you," Ash manages between oral attacks.

"That's… the idea."

Ash laughs into his mouth, and John loves the way it sends his heart fluttering.

Eventually their tempo slows, their kisses less fervid and demanding. At last Ashley finally pulls away, tugging on John's lower lip with her teeth as she goes. John frees her from the prison of his arms and takes her hands in his own. Both of them sport the largest, stupidest grins for one another, and neither could care about who could see them right now.

"I think you've got a ride to catch," Ash told him with a squeeze of his hands.

"I'll only leave if you promise not to miss me too badly."

"Oh, I don't think that'll happen." She released one of his hands and held up the paper he gave her. "Remember, John Shepard, I've got your number."

John chuckled as he leaned down to give her one last parting kiss. He finally released her hand and began backing away slowly, trying to keep her in her vision for as long as possible. "I'll see you next time, Chief."

Ashley smirked back at him. "Until then, Commander."

* * *

Shepard stood on one of the bridges of Arcturus Station's docking bay, leaning on the railing and reading a news report on his Omni Tool. At the sound of engines becoming louder, he looked up and saw an Alliance Kodiak inbound for his position. His closed down his Tool and hefted his duffel bag onto his shoulder. The Kodiak touched down a few meters away and opened one of its doors to allow Shepard entry.

The pilot hailed him when he stepped in. "You Shepard?"

"If not me then Anderson sent you here for nothing."

"Ha! True enough. Go ahead and try to get comfy, sir. It'll take a few hours to get back to Third Fleet."

"Noted. Wake me up when we're ten minutes out."

The pilot gave him an 'aye aye' and Shepard made to secure his duffel in an overhead compartment. He braced himself as the shuttle took off, but the inertial dampeners kicked in and helped to right his footing. Once that was done he sat himself down in one of the seats and tried to make himself as comfortable as possible. Kodiak seating might be some of the most uncomfortable and unyielding in the galaxy, but Shepard had made a career out of getting sleep in the most unlikely of places.

Before he dozed off, Shepard pulled up the video screen of one of the Kodiak's external cameras. He watched as the shuttle left the docking area and passed through the station's environmental barrier. Then it moved along the out edge of Arcturus, maneuvering around the station in order to head for the system's Mass Relay.

John watched with a smile as Arcturus slowly began to grow smaller in the camera's view. A week ago he'd been a soldier just for the sake of serving his government. His purpose was to complete the next mission and save as many lives as he could along the way.

But now John has a new reason worth living for. He'd found the one person he truly felt happy with, who understood him as more than Commander Shepard. Ashley Williams had given him reason to look forward to what came after the mission. John didn't know how long it would take him, but he knew he would find her again, and John would do everything in his power to make Ashley believe he could be the man for her.

Shepard's Omni Tool bracelet vibrated, indicating he had a new message in his inbox. Opening it up, he didn't recognize the sender's name, but he felt his smile grow wider.

_To: John Shepard_

_I see you :)_

_From: Unknown Sender_

Perplexed, John looked back the external camera view. He could see they were passing by the Station's park at the moment. On the hunch, he zoomed the view onto the scaffolding overlooking the park.

Sure enough, there was Ashley Williams, sitting on the catwalk he'd shown her last night, her legs dangling over the side and sporting a large grin as she watched their shuttle go past.

Acting quickly, John saved her as a contact and composed a reply.

_To: Ashley Williams_

_Now who's mildly stalker-ish?_

_From: John Shepard_

He watched her reaction through the video. Looking at her Tool, first she laughed; then she flipped him the bird.

John laughed himself. He watched her sitting there for as long as he could, until Ashley was only a spec within the increasingly smaller Arcturus Station.

He powered the video down and sat back to relax. He would wait for her for as long as it took. Because in the end, Ashley Williams would be worth it.

* * *

A few blocks from her motel, Ashley walked down the street before her at a leisurely pace, a lightness to her step a persistent smile tugging at her lips. She couldn't help feeling giddy beyond all relief. Ash clutched the piece of paper in her pocket like it was some rare Prothean Artifact.

That morning she had been fully prepared to walk away from John Shepard and never see him again. She wouldn't like it, but she understood both of their jobs would likely keep them separated by light years of galaxy. And as an N7 on the fast track to even more promotions, Shepard didn't need some woman distracting him. These were the platitudes Ash told herself, though they did little to help shake the feeling of guilt and awfulness.

She'd been completely taken by surprise to find John running after her down the street. And she'd been shocked to hear him say he wanted to continue seeing her despite the obstacles between them.

But more than that, Ashley felt a warmth spread from her chest to her limbs and up her neck, and she knew that more than anything, she felt overcome with a profound joy that John Shepard, a man who could make any woman he wanted fall in love with him, had chosen to fight for Ashley Williams. Her elation only grew at seeing his face perk up in joy when she agreed.

As Ashley walked toward her motel, she felt lighter than air, and the normally drab streets of Arcturus seemed to look much more colorful and alive this morning.

"Williams!" somehow behind her called out.

For a moment Ashley had a flash back, imagining John having broken out of his shuttle and hurtling back toward Arcturus like a meteor just to talk to her again. But turning around, she instead found serviceman Nirali Bhatia jogging toward her, clad in her work out clothes.

"Morning, Bhatia." Ash greeted when the older woman was close enough. "How's the arm?"

Breathing a little heavy, Bhatia stopped and flexed her left arm in different positions. "Oh, just a little stiff," she replied in her Indian accented voice. "Doctors took the cast off yesterday and just told me not to do anything too crazy for a few days."

"Good. I'd hate to lose one of my best riflemen." Ash gestures with her head behind her, and the pair began walking back to their motel.

"Speaking of the prior day's events," Bhatia began, fixing Ash with a teasing gaze, "you disappeared during the party."

Ash shrugged, try to brush her off. "Oh you know me, a few too many beers and I can barely stay awake."

"Uh huh. And what if I told you Sanders says she saw you leaving hand in hand with Commander Shepard?"

Ash smirked. "Come on, we both know how Sanders gets when she has a few too many beers."

"And all the other men who say they saw you walking around with Shepard all day yesterday?"

"Like you can actually trust the word of a bunch of hung over marines."

Bhatia held a hand up in surrender. "Alright, I believe you. Obviously you did not spend a day with the incredibly hunky Commander Shepard doing whatever it is you young people do for fun nowadays." Bhatia waggled her eyebrows suggestively and Ashley couldn't help laughing. She'd always like the Indian woman. Bhatia had a calm, motherly presence, and Ash could always rely on her to keep the men in line when Ash wasn't present.

Bhatia sighed and looked off into the distance, her eyes taking that glassy look to them whenever she was about to get nostalgic. "Have I ever told you about my husband, Ashley?"

"Only about twice a week, Nirali."

"Hmm. Well, did I tell you about the first time he asked me out?"

Ash thought a moment. "No, I don't think I've heard that one yet."

"Well, that is something we must rectify!" she said whilst looping her arm around Ashley's shoulders. Ash ignored the slightly pungent BO while Bhatia spoke. "Oh, you should have seen that man when he first walked up to me. We'd already known each other a couple months, and as a friend I did really like him. So he goes to ask me out on a date, and poor Samesh looks like he's on the brink of fainting.

"Looking back, I wished I could have told him there wasn't any reason to be nervous. I'd always thought he was nice and a little cute when he got flustered. And despite my better judgment, I said yes. He looked absolutely shocked at first, but then he got one of the biggest smiles I'd ever seen.

"Originally the plan was to just go out on one or two dates and let him down easy. But when it was just the two of us, he was a different person. He became romantic and caring, and he'd always show me such a good time on our dates. By the time I stopped for a moment and took stock of what was happening, we'd been dating four months and I had a difficult time imagining the rest of my life without Samesh Bhatia in it."

Nirali trailed off into silence. Ashley had always known the woman loved her husband, but looking at her face right now, she can practically see the memories playing behind Nirali's eyes, and her faced was utterly relaxed with a happy expression. Come to think of it, Ash had seen that same expression on John's face several times yesterday.

"It sounds like you really love him." Ash told her sagely.

Bhatia let out a content hum in response. "I guess it just goes to show that love can find us in the most unexpected of people." She fixed Ashley with a knowing look as she pulled away. "Ah, listen to me chattering on. A young girl like you has better things to do than listen to this old bag rant about days gone by."

They stopped in front of the motel. "Oh come on, you know I love listening to your stories from years past. Tell me again, what was it like to meet Barrack Obama?"

Nirali laughed and playfully shoved her superior. "Laugh it up now, Williams. Someday you'll be just as old as me." She started to veer off and work back into a jogging motion. "Now, I have to go finish my run. I'll talk to you later, Chief."

Ash waved goodbye as she ran off, and went back to making her way to her motel room. Once inside she dropped her things on the nightstand and let herself flop onto her bed, letting out a content sigh. She laid there for a while, thinking over the events of the past few days and the time she spent with John Shepard.

_I guess it just goes to show that love can find us in the most unexpected of people._

Ashley found she could agree with Nirali wholeheartedly.

* * *

_Author's Notes:_

_And that wraps up the story arc I had planned for pre Mass Effect. The next few chapters, which I will post as soon as I can but don't expect anything for about a week, will cover the beginning of Mass Effect 1. After that I have ideas for where I want the story to go, but the real challenge will be coming up with a plausible way to get to them. _

_So, if anyone has an idea for a filler chapter, I'm all ears. Beyond that, please feel free to review and talk about how much you love me or how much you hate me. Either works. _

_And one more big thank you to everyone who has read and supported this story so far. I really appreciate all of it. _


	5. Chapter 5 - Secant

Mass Effect and its characters are owned and operated by Bioware and Electronic Arts

Soldiers Chapter 5 – Secant

Within one of the many far flung corners of the galaxy, the _SSV Normandy SR1_ glides through the nebulous color of relay transit. The brainchild of Captain David Anderson, it has finally shirked off the regulations and protocols keeping it groundside. Now, the _Normandy_ literally and metaphorically spreads its wings as it embarks on its very first mission.

The ship is a hybrid design of the very best elements of Human and Turian craftsmanship. It hosts a number of the modern day's most advanced tools, from the Tantalus drive core, allowing the_ Normandy_ to reach speeds unheard of among other frigates, to the IES Stealth Systems, allowing the _Normandy_ to sneak past any fleet undetected. The ship is run by a full roster of Alliance navy personnel and marines, all of them handpicked for this very mission by Captain David Anderson and his executive officer Commander John Shepard.

Four such exemplary serviceman, three Human and one Turian, sit and stand within the helm of the ship. Among them is Jeffrey "Joker" Moreau, the _Normandy's_ acclaimed pilot, who sits in his designated chair and monitors the ship's systems as it passes through between the Arcturus and Utopia Mass Relays.

"Thrusters… check," he announced for the others who did not share the same grasp of ship inner working knowledge. "Navigation… check. Internal Emissions Sink engaged. All systems online. Drift… just under fifteen hundred kilometers."

"Fifteen hundred is good," replied a dual toned voice behind him. Joker swiveled a bit in his chair to see Spectre Nihlus nodding his strange Turian head appreciatively. "Your captain will be pleased." Without fanfare, Nihlus turned and walked away, likely to go and find Anderson.

Joker turned back to face his console when Nihlus was out of ear shot. "I hate that guy."

Sitting to his right, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko scoffed. "Nihlus just gave you a compliment. So you hate him?"

"Remember to zip up your jumpsuit on your way out of the bathroom? That's good." Joker defended, his fingers dancing across the various screen before him. "I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead! So that's incredible! Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don't like having one onboard. Call me paranoid."

"Paranoid?" Alenko echoed. "The council helped fund this project, so I think they have the right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

"Yup, that's the official story. But only an idiot believes the official story. What do your special N7 instincts say, Commander?" Joker asked the man sitting to his left.

"Mmhmm."

Joker looked over and saw Commander Shepard sitting there with his nose buried into his Omni Tool and his brow scrunched in confusion. Before being assigned to the _Normandy_ roster, Joker had always heard Shepard was a cold bastard who expected nothing less than perfection from those under his command. Having gotten to know him, Joker now likens Shepard more to a twelve year old driving a man's body.

And Joker would be willing to put good money on _who_ it was Shepard was talking to.

"Aw Christ, he's at it again."

Alenko looked up, concerned. "Who's up to what?"

"Naw, nothing's wrong. The commander just gets into his moods whenever he starts chatting up his girlfriend."

Alenko turned to address Shepard. "Just what exactly is Moreau talking about, sir?"

"Mmhmm."

"See what I mean?" Joker stated. "Here, watch. Hey commander, I've been thinking about loading up all our hard drives with Fornax. What do you think?"

"Mmhmm."

"Hey commander, the Batarians are boarding our ship and raping all our women. What do we do?"

"Mmhmm."

Joker turned back to Alenko. "See?"

Alenko nodded. "Does he get like this a lot?"

"No, only when he's having a conversation with his slave driver Ashley Williams."

At the mention of her name, Shepard perks his head up. "What's going on?"

Joker simply shook his head and turned back to his duties. Shepard turned to Alenko with a confused look. "It's nothing, commander," he replied.

"Well, alright then. Oh! Alenko, see if you can help me out for a second." Shepard stood up and walked over, taking off his Omni Tool bracelet and presenting it to the other man. "Can you tell if my Tool's on the fritz? It won't let me send out any messages."

Alenko took it and activated his own Tool to run a diagnostic. In addition to being a biotic, he also acted as the ship's chief combat engineer, so Alenko had a much better mind for tech than Shepard did. After a moment he shook his head and handed it back to the commander. "I can't see anything wrong with it. There shouldn't be anything preventing you from sending messages."

"Well, that's not really the problem. It tells me the messages are being sent, but then I get a warning saying they failed in transit."

"Then it's probably a problem with the recipient. Where are you trying to contact?"

"The colony we're heading to, actually. A friend of mine is stationed there."

Joker muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Yeah, friend without the benefits."

Alenko shrugged. "I don't know, commander. Maybe Eden Prime's having trouble with its communication relay."

Shepard looked pensive while he stared at his Tool settings for a moment, concerned maybe, and he might have continued their conversation if Anderson hadn't buzzed in over the comm. "Joker, tell the commander to meet me in the comm. room."

"Aye sir," he replied. "And brace yourself. I think Nihlus is headed your way."

"He's already here, Lieutenant." Anderson replied with a touch of disappointment to his voice. Joker shook his head while Alenko smirked.

"You get that, commander?" Joker asked him.

"He sounds pissed." Shepard stated matter-of-factly.

"Naw, he just always sounds like that when he talks to me."

"Can't imagine why." Alenko muttered. He turned back to Shepard. "Let me know if your problem gets fixed."

Shepard was already fiddling with his Tool as he began to walk away. "Mmhmm."

After he left, Joker mimed a slave driver cracking his whip, and Alenko rolled his eyes.

On the bridge, Shepard closed down his Tool. Communication black outs aren't uncommon among the newer colonies, and even then they usually get resolved within a few hours. Shepard played off the sinking feeling in his gut as nerves born of the excitement of the _Normandy's_ first mission.

Shepard had been trying to contact Ashley in case the _Normandy_ stayed near Eden Prime for an extended period of time. If that was the case, he'd wanted to set up a video chat with her. They could do that any time, but the video was always delayed and grainy due to how far apart they were. But now the _Normandy_ would only be a couple thousand kilometers from Eden Prime at any given time, so John and Ash could have a video call and not worry about electrical bugs hampering them.

The two had kept in touch since their time together on Arcturus. They constantly traded text and video messages, describing to each other what their postings were like. It's gotten to the point where Ash has told him so much about her unit that John feels as though he knows the 212 better than any other unit he's actually served with for extended periods of time. Sometimes a message would go unanswered for days or weeks, but eventually the other would reply back with a snarky comment. The times spent talking with Ash in his off hours have kept John grounded in the time they've spent apart.

Along the way to the comm. room Shepard stopped to chat with Navigator Pressly, Corporal Jenkins, and Chief Medical Officer Dr. Chakwas. Each conversation revolved around the topics of the Turian Spectre's strange presence, how Anderson might be withholding something from the crew, and how this was likely going to end up being more than a shakedown run for the _Normandy._ Shepard did his best alleviate their concerns, but privately he sympathized with them. Ever since the announcement Spectre Nihlus would be joining them, Shepard had been unable to shake a subtle feeling of unease. This sense that everything he took for granted was about to suddenly become much more complicated.

Shepard stepped into the comm. room and set aside his nay-saying thoughts for later. He put his Commander Mask back on, for even if Anderson and Nihlus weren't being completely straight up, they were still his superiors, and all three of them still had a job to do.

Except only two of them were present. As Shepard walked in he found Nihlus alone, his back to the commander while he cycled through pictures of a planet's country side and rural dwellings. Shepard recognized the buildings and landscapes as belonging to Eden Prime from the pictures and videos Ashley had sent him.

"Commander," the Turian greeted without turning around. "I was hoping you'd get here first. It gives us a chance to talk."

"About what?" he asked warily once he was close enough.

"I'm interested in this world we're going to – Eden Prime. I here it's quite beautiful."

In his scrolling Nihlus paused on one picture, showing a large, dynamic skyline of Eden Prime's main colony, with its colonists moving about their work. But Shepard became fixated on an image in the background, one that most other people would skip over. Standing on a ridge with a few of her men was Ashley Williams. Even if she hadn't been wearing her beloved Phoenix armor, Shepard could still recognize her by the confident set to her stance and the way she held herself with constant preparedness. With one hand holding her Lancer rifle cocked against her hip, she used the other to point in some odd direction, likely giving her men orders on where to go. Despite the overall beauty of the landscape, Shepard could not bring himself to look away from her stunning image.

"Beyond beautiful." Shepard agreed.

"Yes. It's become something of a symbol for your people, hasn't it? Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies across the galaxy, but protect them as well." Nihlus finally turned, and fixed the commander with a level stare. "But how safe is it really?"

Shepard crossed his arms behind his back and stood ramrod straight, his familiar 'I'm not backing down' stance. "I know for a fact Eden Prime is under the protection of the 212 Infantry Marines. They couldn't ask for a better defense force."

"Yes, and to my understanding one of their commanding officers is Gunnery Chief Williams," Nihlus stated in a snide voice. "That hardly inspires confidence considering her family's history."

A clenching of his fists behind his back, his nostrils flaring the slightest amount, and is eyes narrowing for half a second. This is all Shepard allows of his sudden but powerful spike of anger to reach the surface of his character.

And in an instant all of his suspicions are confirmed. Ashley Williams may be the commanding officer of the 212, but she is by no means the highest military authority on Eden Prime. Her name would only come up if the interested party specifically pulled up the rosters of the entirety of Eden Prime's military force and searched it out.

The comment about her family is too specific to be a run of the mill insult. Had it been used against anyone else, most people would simply assume the Turian is making a jibe at humanity as a whole, while the rest already look down upon the Williams name and might agree with Nihlus. But he saved that comment specifically for Shepard's ears because he knew it would burrow under the commander's skin. Because he knows just what Ashley Williams means to John Shepard. The Turian purposely criticized one of Shepard's closest friends in order to see how he would react.

Shepard had always suspected the Spectre was here to evaluate the _Normandy's_ crew. He just hadn't guessed that evaluation would be centered on one specific crew member.

"It appears you have me at a disadvantage," he replied evenly with a dangerous undertone.

Nihlus crossed his arms behind his back and gave Shepard the Turian equivalent of a smug expression. "I wouldn't be very good at my job if I didn't thoroughly research potential applicants."

Shepard's eye narrowed. "Applicants?"

They heard the sound of the door opening, and both men turned to see Captain Anderson walking toward them. Addressing Nihlus, he said, "I think it's about time we fully inform the commander of the situation."

Shepard turned back to Nihlus with a hard stare. "Yes, we should."

From there, Anderson and Nihlus explained the reason the _Normandy_ was heading to Eden Prime was because the colony had recently unearthed a Prothean ruin. And chief among the discoveries found in it was a functioning Prothean Beacon. Anderson needn't explain how important something like this was. The last time humanity found a working beacon on Mars, it had jumped their technology by centuries. Their mission would be to secure the beacon and transport it into Citadel space where scientists could research it safely.

In addition, Nihlus revealed his presence here was to evaluate Shepard, for his name had been put forward for the honor of being humanity's first Spectre. Eden Prime would be the first of several missions together, and Nihlus would decide if this human had what it took to be part of the galaxy's most elite Special Forces unit.

Anderson was in the middle of giving them their estimated arrival time when Joker buzzed into the comm. room. He reported they'd gotten a transmission from Eden Prime. Anderson directed for it to be played on screen, and what Shepard saw made his blood run cold.

Where he should have seen lush grassy landscapes and trees, Shepard saw fires and plumes of smoke. He quickly deduced the video was being shot from a marine's helmet cam, considering how shaky it was. He was surrounded by other marines, all of whom were firing their weapons at enemies beyond the camera's view.

Shepard saw a blur of white, and his heart leapt into his throat. Ashley Williams ran up to the camera man pushed him aside, ordering him to get down, before turning and firing a long string of rounds at some unseen enemy. An explosion went off near them and the cameraman lost sight of Williams. Shepard found himself trying to will the camera to pan in other directions and search for her.

Another person's face took up the camera's view, and Shepard recognized the young man as Christopher Morley, one of the men from Ashley's unit. His words were garbled and being drowned out by persistent static. "-are under attack! Taking… casualties. … -repeat: heavy casualties! We can't… argh!... –eed evac! They came out of nowhere! We need –"

Morley's shields failed and Shepard heard the telltale smack of a round hitting its mark. His body spasmed a brief second before falling out of frame, his eyes glassy and lifeless. At his sides, Shepard's nails dug into the palms of his hands. Seeing good men die was nothing new to him, but it was something he never wanted to get used to seeing.

An unearthly klaxon blared off screen, and the cameraman panned upward to see an impossibly large and void black ship descend down from the clouds. It cut out a second later.

"It just goes to static after that, sir," Joker said over the comm.

"Hold at 38.5," Anderson ordered. The video rewound and stopped at the image of the strange ship. It was unlike anything Shepard ever seen. A kilometer long at least, and the carapace looking exterior in addition to the strange appendages on one end likened it more to a cuttlefish than a star ship. Red lightening arced around its framed. Just from looking at it Shepard felt a heavy sense of foreboding settle into his chest. He felt as though he were looking at an object made entirely out of the purest evil.

Anderson turned to address Shepard. "Tell Jenkins and Al-"

But Shepard wasn't there, already bounding up the ramp leading to the command center. Upon exiting through the door, he barked out Jenkins's name. The man visibly jumped but stood at attention.

"Go get Alenko and I want the both of you suited and ready for combat in the cargo bay in five minutes!"

Jenkins snapped off a quick salute and practically ran off to go get the Lieutenant. Shepard turned to Dr. Chakwas. "Report down to the med bay and have it prepped for wounded."

Chakwas nodded. "Yes, commander." She veered left and took the stairs down to the second level. Shepard followed, aiming to get his gear from his locker in the mess hall.

Outward Shepard may appear the very personification of authority and ruthless efficiency, but inside he can feel the icy tendrils of fear gripping his heart.

_You're strong, Ash. Please be strong enough for me to get there in time._

* * *

Her boots dug into the soft ground as she ran. Every so often a geyser of dirt would erupt in or close to her path where a drone's stray bullet impacted. Her chest heaved and her limbs ached. The smell of acrid death and charred plants clung to her nostrils. She ignored the whine of her suit telling her kinetic barriers were below thirty percent.

The smoke in the air made her lungs burn.

The over exertion of her body made her legs burn.

The tears threatening to spill over made her eyes burn.

The fires made the trees and bodies burn.

Everything burned and Ashley Williams ran.

Everything had happened so fast. One minute Ash was doing a normal patrol. Well, as normal as could be considered ever since the Beacon was dug up. The next minute all of their comms were down and Ashley's HUD was picking up a number of unidentified ships entering the atmosphere. Ashley's superiors ordered her and her men to secure the dig site where the beacon was found.

They'd been a few kliks away when Sanders's bio signatures suddenly winked out while she was scouting ahead. Before they knew it the 212 was under assault from an enemy they did not have the training for. Ash knew they were synthetics, but they weren't the clunky droids one saw being sold by private military contractors today. These were sleek, almost organic looking, and they moved far more seamlessly. Their weapons were far more powerful than the 212's, cutting through her men's kinetic barriers like they were nothing.

Even the most brilliant of tacticians couldn't fully prepare for the ambush they'd walked into. By the time Ashley regrouped her men into a defensive position they'd already lost a quarter of their manpower. One of her men tried to send a distress signal off planet, but she wasn't sure if it had gotten through.

At some point a number of machines appeared with rocket launchers, and the resulting explosions caused Ashley and Brandson to become cut off from the rest of their men.

Ash felt her throat constrict and her eyes blur at the thought of her friend, and she struggled to breathe properly and keep herself upright as she ran.

_God, you stupid fucking idiot, Tommy!_

_They'd taken cover on an elevated ridge. To their backs was the ravine that had long since dried out, and coming up on their front were legions of the vile machines. Now Ashley and Bandson had elevation and some proper cover on their side, so they could do more damage to the synthetics than the other way around. But Brandson had been hit in the knee, and Ash knew he couldn't move without serious medical attention, but that would take time, and the machines were relentless in their assault. _

_For every mech Ashley took down, two more would appear out of the tree line. They held no preservation instinct, choosing to willingly sacrifice their numbers in order to gain ground. Ashley knew she and Brandson couldn't keep this up forever, as the machines would eventually flank them. But if they tried to run Brandson would never get very far, and the machines would just shoot them in the back. Her life hung in the balance and Ash couldn't come up with a plan. _

"_You have to go," Bandson said suddenly in a strained voice. Confused, Ash turned to him for a second to see if he had misspoke. But Brandson had a hardened look to his to his face as he fired upon the advancing force. Whatever he had decided upon, he would see it through._

"_What the hell are you talking about?" she yelled back as she turned and resumed firing._

"_We both know I can't walk away from here." Ash knew that voice. He'd only ever used it to chastise some of the younger men and convince them of what they'd done wrong. "But you can still run. I can hold them here and give you a chance to get away."_

"_Don't say shit like that. I promise you we're both going to get out of here." Ashley found she couldn't bring herself to believe her own words. _

_She started when she felt hands on her waist. She looked down to see Brandson fixing his bandoleer of remaining grenades to her utility belt. "I don't believe that," he told her in a solemn voice._

_A staccato of rounds landed in the ground close to Ash's head, forcing her to duck down. "You seriously cannot think I'd actually choose to just leave you here!"_

_Brandson gripped the side of her helmet and forced her to look him in the eye. In a voice devoid of any doubt, he said, "I'm not giving you a choice."_

_Before Ashley could react, Brandson placed his hand on her chest and pushed. The next thing Ashley knew she was falling, tumbling down the side of the ravine to the riverbed below, grunting whenever she connected with a rocky surface. After a moment the world stopped spinning and Ashley collapsed at the base of the incline. Breathing heavy, she propped herself up on her elbows and looked upward._

"_Tommy!" she yelled up at him. She couldn't actually see him, but the steady rapport of his Lancer rifle was all she needed to know he was still there. _

_Before she could debate whether or not to crawl back up to him, a trio of the machine's drones broke from the tree line to their right and immediately started firing on her position. Bolts of plasma struck the ground around her as she scrambled to get up. From the top of the ridge, a series of shots streaked through the air toward the drones. They caught the one in the back, and its resulting explosion threw the other two off their trajectories, giving Ash a chance to get away._

"_Just go, Ashley!" she heard Brandson yell. Sending one last pleading look to his position, Ashley fully picked herself up from ground and took off in the opposite direction of the drones. The pair righted themselves and gave chase, repeatedly discharging their weapons at Ashley as she ran._

Her shields took another smattering of rounds before failing altogether, and Ash screamed as she felt pain lance up her leg. Her form finally gave out, and Ash tumbled to the ground.

Thinking quickly, she used the momentum of her fall to twist her body and draw her sidearm in one smooth motion. Praying more than aiming as she collided with the earth, Ash squeezed off a trio of rounds. Two struck the second drone following the first, and thanks to their weak shields, the bullets impacted something critical and caused the drone to explode. By a sheer stroke of luck, the explosion launched a piece of shrapnel into the lead drone. It was thrown off course and skidded across the ground a few meters before blowing up itself.

Ashley had no time to breathe a sigh of relief, as she realized she'd stumbled upon another trio of the bipedal machines. She watched in horror as they secured a field worker to some kind of device. Before she could do anything, an impossibly large spike pierced the man's chest. With a final guttural scream he was hoisted high into the air.

The three machines released a kind of chattering noise and turned to face her. Ash picked herself up and half ran half limped to a stone slab jutting out of the ground large enough to conceal her body. Taking a careful peek around the side, she saw the machines moving in on her position, but they were going at a slow pace. They likely didn't have reinforcements on the way and couldn't so easily afford to sacrifice one of their number.

Ash withdrew her head and slumped against the rock, trying to take in breaths of air. Her helmet was too constricting and the air filter only served to slow her down, so Ash fumbled with the clasps and tore it off. She tilted her head back and took in great gulps of air. It may be tinged with fire and death, but it was still oxygen. She reached behind her to withdraw her assault rifle, but found the space on her back empty. She then realized she had likely lost it when she fell down the ravine side.

Ash felt herself slump to the ground and her tears begin to cascade down her cheeks. Brandson's gambit failed. Ashley failed her men and she was going to die here on this godforsaken planet for it. They had trusted her to lead them through thick and thin, and Ashley had led them to their deaths.

Overcome with guilt, great sobs wracked her frame. She was sorry for her men. She was sorry for leaving Brandson to die. But most of all, she was sorry she hadn't been able to say goodbye to him.

Ever since Arcturus, not an hour passed that Ash didn't think of John Shepard. He became one of her closest and most personal friends, even if they only ever talked through messages. So most of all, Ash was sorry she would break John's heart when he received the news of her death. She was sorry the two of them would never say goodbye to each other. She was sorry she'd never be able to tell him she loved-

Ashley heard the thunk of something embedding itself into the ground, and a split second later felt more than heard the thunderous boom of an explosion. Risking a look around, Ashley saw a new crater had formed between two of the machines, and both of their shields had been knocked out. Before any of them could react, one was dragged into the air and hung their helplessly in a blue corona, while the second was riddled with bullets. The machine sparked and shuttered as it fell.

The third unscathed machine managed to fire a set of rounds into Ashley cover before an electrical pulse took down its shields and stunned it. Reacting quickly, Ashley drew her sniper rifle, lined up the machine in her scope, and pulled the trigger. She was rewarded with the sight of the ridge line behind the machine through the hole in its chest. It sputtered and fell.

The last machine finally fell back the ground. Before it could pick itself up, a trio of well-placed rounds pierced the large flash light that served as its face. It moved no longer.

Ash leaned on the rock as she surveyed their surroundings, and found that for now they were free of the synthetic menace. Despite the gravity of the situation, Ash felt herself laugh incredulously. She'd been so sure this would be her last stand, and instead she found the cavalry.

She turned to meet her saviors and was surprised to only see two men walking toward her. The first she didn't recognize. Brown hair, brown eyes, handsome face, and from the blue corona dissipating around his arms, Ash guessed him to be a biotic.

But the second she recognizes in an instant. Even if he hadn't sent her countless video messages, she still remembered the face from all the dreams she's had of him. He still had the close cropped hair, the strong chin, and the dark blue eyes that saw past all her defenses.

"Shepard?" she asked, utterly surprised. "What are you do- aaaaaAAAAHHAAAAAAGH!"

Ashley made the mistake of stepping toward them on the leg that had been shot. By now her adrenaline had worn off, no longer numbing the bullet wound, and her body was quick to remind her she'd been wounded by sending pain lancing up and down her body.

Ash staggered and tried to brace herself on the rock as she fell, but she felt strong arms wrap around her waist. Ash looked up and blinked through her blurry vision to see Shepard standing over her, easing her into a sitting position against the rock.

"Take it easy, Ash," he commanded in a soft voice. "Try not to move too much."

Ash gritted her teeth and nodded, biting back the pain as he extended her wounded leg outward. The other man came forward and kneeled down next to them, a medical pack in hand. Shepard took it and laid it on the ground, opening up its contents. He turned to Ash with a steady gaze. "I'm going to have to take off the armor around your thigh."

Ash nodded once more and looked on as he dealt with the clasps connecting the cracked and smoldering ceramic plating on her left thigh to the rest of her suit. After that was gone Shepard took out a small surgical knife and cut away the skin tight under suit marines wore to avoid chafing. He peeled away the blood soaked layer of cloth and threw it away, allowing them to see the damage done.

A sizable chunk of Ashley thigh was missing, replaced with a blackened crater. The blood leaking out was only minimal, as the machine's strange weapons appeared to have cauterized a good portion of the wound. But where it didn't bleed it oozed other bodily fluids. Ash felt she might have thrown up looking at it, had she not already done so a few dozen yards back down the ravine.

Shepard inspected the wound with a critical eye. "I can't tell you what kind of weaponry did this, but it looks to be a glancing blow, and it didn't hit any major arteries." He turned back to the med pack and began rummaging through it, looking for something.

The other man leaned in to get a better look. "Jesus. What could have caused something like this?"

A memory she'd previously glossed over came back to the forefront of Ash's mind. "Geth," she blurted out like a gasp of pain. Rodriguez, their resident expert on all things tech related, had called that name out before Ash lost sight of him after an explosion.

The man turned to her, perplexed. "Geth? They haven't been seen beyond The Veil in over three hundred years. What are they doing-"

"_Alenko."_ Shepard interrupted pointedly, glaring at the other man. "Go scout ahead and make sure nothing's sneaking up on us."

Alenko looked taken aback and glanced between the two of them warily. But he nodded, and stood while drawing his weapon before walking off to check their perimeter.

Shepard shook his head as he went back to his search. After a moment he withdrew two items and presented them to Ashley. The first looked like a small can full of some aerosol, and the second looked like a simple plastic cylinder.

Shepard held up the can. "This will deal with any infections and prevent further tissue from dying." He then held up the cylinder. "And this is for you to bite down on."

He held it forward, and Ashley took it warily. "Why do I need this?"

"Because this," he stated, holding up the can of aerosol, "is going to hurt like a bitch."

Ash nodded and placed the plastic between her teeth. Shepard uncapped the can and, giving her an apologetic look, pressed the spray button.

Ashley's eyes screwed shut as she reeled her head back and screamed in agony through the gag. Had it not been there, she imagined she would have crushed her teeth. The spray made it feel as though a hundreds pins of pure ice were stabbing into her wound. She couldn't stop more tears from spilling down her cheeks. Ash took in great gasping breaths of air as she tried to block out the pain.

The spray stopped and the stabbing pain turned into a bruising coldness. A gloved hand came up and brushed away the rivulets of tears from her cheek. "Hey," Shepard consoled in a soothing voice. "Believe me, that was the worst part."

Ash heard the sound of a package being ripped open, and after a moment she felt a slick substance being pressed into her wound. She felt a brief second of stinging before moaning in relief as the pain numbed away in sweet bliss. She allowed her eyes to open and spied the open package on the ground beside them, reading the name as 'Medi Gel.'

"Better?" Shepard asked hopefully.

"Yeah," she replied in a shaky voice.

Shepard smiled at her. "Good." He produced a length of gauze from the med pack and wrapped it around her now numb leg so as to fully cover the wound. The Medi Gel would heal her leg to some extent, at least allowing her to resume walking, running, and fighting. It would at least allow her enough time to have an actual medical professional view her leg. The gauze would provide a barrier so her suit didn't aggravate the wound. With that done, Shepard retrieved the ceramic plating and patched up its hole with Omni Gel before affixing it back to her armor.

He closed the med pack and secured it to his utility belt. He then stood up and offered Ashley a hand. She took it, grateful, and allowed him to hoist her back to her feet. She took a moment balancing herself and testing her weight on her bad leg. Ash couldn't detect any serious pain, and she gave Shepard an affirming nod.

Shepard looked relieved before turning serious again. "If you feel up to it, we could use a sit rep. I have no real idea of what we're walking into."

Ash shook her head. "There's not much I can tell. We were moving to secure the dig site when we were ambushed by the Geth." Her eyes began to waver as visions of what happened played back. "They came out nowhere, and they'd already killed so many before we could-"

Shepard stepped forward and gripped her shoulder. He looked into her eyes with his deep stare that saw more than it should have, and Ash couldn't find any words to continue with.

"Stop. We can talk about this later, but right now I need you to stay focused. Alright?"

Ash took a long breath. She would eventually have to grieve for her men, but for now, she still had a job to do. She nodded, and Shepard gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before taking it away, though he didn't step back, not that Ash was complaining.

"So what exactly are you doing here?" she asked him. "We tried to send out a distress signal, but reinforcements shouldn't have arrived this quickly."

Shepard looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. "We were already in route to Eden Prime when we got your message. Our original mission was just to secure the Beacon you found, but obviously the situation had changed."

Ashley perked up, knowing how she could help. "I know where to find the Beacon." She thumbed over her shoulder in the direction she meant. "Follow me and I can take you to it."

Shepard's eyes widened. "You've been wounded. You can just give us the coordinates and get somewhere safe."

"Just what the hell kind of marine would I be if I pussied out now?" she demanded, stepping forward and practically daring Shepard to defy her. "Those flash light heads killed my men and a lot of innocent people. There is no way in hell I'm sitting on the sidelines instead of paying them back what's due."

To her surprise, Shepard smiled. "Now there's the Williams I remember."

Ashley smirked back as she began walking away. "Good. Now come on, we have a lot of ground to cover."

She reached a hand over her shoulder, but scowled as she remembered yet again that she had lost her assault rifle. She started reaching for her pistol when the butt of a rifle was pressed to her chest. She looked to Shepard, confused, but accepted the weapon nonetheless.

"I figured you can make better use of that than I can," he explained. He drew his own pistol. "Besides, there's a reason they call me Quick Draw Shepard."

"No one calls you that, sir!" Alenko called back from up ahead.

"Well they damn well better start!" Shepard countered.

Ashley felt a smile creep across her lips despite herself. She knew what Shepard was doing. He was trying to keep her mind off of what happened to her, in order to keep her grounded and focused on the mission before them.

The 212 may be all but wiped out, the colony in shambles, and for all Ash knew the Beacon was already gone or destroyed.

But Ashley was alive, and John Shepard was here to save the day. For now, that was enough.

* * *

_All Shepard saw was death._

_Cities crumbling. Aliens he didn't recognize being slaughtered. Entire worlds consumed by flames._

_Shepard felt the anguish of an entire culture, an entire people, being snuffed from existence. His skull shook and vibrated with the sound of billions of souls crying out. For mercy, for salvation, or merely in agony._

_He wanted to close his eyes but could not, forced to watch as synthetic beings butchered men, women, and children. Some were simply eradicated. Others were turned into… something else. In the end, every last one fell._

_Shepard watched in horror as he witnessed the downfall of an entire civilization. And it wasn't simply a set of images played through a quick slideshow. He watched different snap shots from all around the galaxy over a period of multiple lifetimes. This great purge took its time, methodical, with absolute precision and certainty that it erased every single shred of evidence of the conquered people. _

_Shepard looked upon the creatures that had done this, and he experiences a fear not even Akuze could instill into him. These vile creatures of steel and circuitry. They are not dictated by morals and emotions. They are death incarnate, and they feel no remorse as they trample over the graves of a trillions dead souls._

_With no more innocents to decimate, these monsters disappeared. Back in to the recess of hell they crawled out of. But John heard their unspoken promise. They would come back, and the slaughter would begin anew._

_The harvest would continue, and there was nothing Commander John Shepard could do to stop it. _

_For an interminably long period of time, there was only darkness. Nothing, like no one was there to experience anything._

_And suddenly John flashed back to one of his earliest memories. A beaming Hannah holding her son in her arms while an equally happy Daniel looked over her shoulder._

_John's life played back before his eyes. From his first time walking upright to his first days in pre-school._

"Shepard?"

_He knew that voice. Sweet and husky mixed into an accent that sent chills down his spine. He tried grabbing for it, but could not find its buoy in the storm of his memories. _

_He relived the pain of watching his father die in the hospital bed, and the months afterward of trying to cope with his mother. He re-experienced the long days and nights spent alone while his mother kept the galaxy safe. _

"Can you hear me, Shepard?"

_It was clearer now, and he could vaguely place a face to it, but both still eluded him. He remembered his first time learning to drive a sky car, and how his mother clenched the dashboard as if her life depended on it. A warmth filled him at the memory of his first kiss with his high school crush._

"John, if you can hear me I need you to answer me!"

_He remembered his time in basic training and ICT, of the fear and pain he felt during the Maw attack. Missions played by, admirals commending him for his service, but through it all he could find no real reason to care._

_He remembered walking out of the elevator into the cargo bay, and upon seeing her for the first time in person, the only thought going through his head is how she's much prettier than her picture led him to believe._

"Doctor! Dr. Chakwas, I think he's waking up!"

Shepard blearily opened his eyes, immediately grateful to whoever had the decency to keep the med bay's lights on low. He glances around, and his eyes lock on the face with the voice from his dream.

Ashley Williams sits on a stool beside the bed he lays in, looking down at him with a smile of relief. He notes she's out of her armor now, and the grime and blood had been washed away from her face and hair.

Carefully, Shepard picked his body up off the bed and draped his legs over the side, hanging his head in one hand. His body felt like it had been put through the ringer, punched and beaten and tenderized. And his head ached to all hell. It felt like someone was taking a few dozen butter knives and shoving them into his brain.

Shepard heard steps padding across the metal floor and looked up to see Dr. Chakwas coming to stand in front of him. Ashley hopped off her stool and moved to stand behind him while Chakwas did her examination.

"You had us worried there, commander. How are you feeling?" she asked in her soothing British accent.

Shepard dragged a hand over his face, still dead tired even after just waking up. "Like the morning after shore leave," he muttered sourly.

"Really?" he heard Ash ask wryly. "Well then you must feel pretty damn good right now."

Shepard laughed, but immediately regretted it due to the uncomfortable throb sent through his skull. "Shit, don't make me laugh. My head feels like an over ripe melon fit to burst."

"Sorry," she replied meekly, though Shepard could still hear the smile in her voice.

He looked up to Chakwas, briefly noting her amused grin. "How long was I out for?"

"About fifteen hours." Shepard was only marginally surprised. He'd been out longer after Akuze. "Something happened down there with the beacon, I think."

Ash stepped forward to stand beside him. "It was my fault. I was caught in some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way."

Shepard shrugged. "You got too close and apparently the 50,000 year old relic had personal space issues. Nothing to lay blame for."

He was rewarded with the slightest quirking of the corners of her lips.

"Actually we don't even know if that's what set it off." Chakwas spoke up. "And unfortunately, we'll never get the chance to find out."

"Um…" Shepard turned to see Ashley looking down at the ground in embarrassment, her fists clenched at her sides. She spoke with short, clipped sentences, like she didn't actually trust her own words. "The Beacon exploded. A system overload, maybe. You were knocked out cold. The lieutenant and I carried you back here to the ship."

Under any other circumstances Shepard would have growled in frustration. Allowing an objective this important to be destroyed would mean the mission's utter and complete failure, no matter how many people Shepard saved.

But somewhere deep in his mind, hidden within the unclear visions that made his skull ready to crack, Shepard knew the Beacon wasn't lost. That whatever the Beacon was trying to say, that message was now firmly lodged in Shepard's head. He had no idea how to make sense of it, but it was there.

And he really couldn't fault Ashley, despite how she was quick to blame herself. It was entirely possible Saren rigged to Beacon to explode, just in case the nukes didn't take out the colony. If not, then the security field likely would have activated with the first person to approach it. Ash just had the misfortune of being that first person. And Shepard being Shepard, he would have gone to the rescue of anyone caught in some such field.

So if anything, he was grateful neither of them were hurt in the blast. That he and Ashley were simply alive.

"I appreciate it," he intoned truthfully with a nod of his head. From his angle, he could see the grim line set into her mouth turn into a small smile.

Chakwas continued, "Physically you're fine. But I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves." Shepard stood up from his bed and leaned on the end while she continued talking. "I also noticed an increase in your Rapid Eye Movement, a sign typically associated with intense dreaming."

"I saw…" he tried, but words couldn't accurately describe just what exactly he'd seen. Shepard focused on the floor as he continued in a grave voice. "I'm not sure what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing's really clear."

Chakwas hummed thoughtfully. "I'd better add this to my report, this may-" She looked up at the sound of the med bay door opening. "Oh! Captain Anderson."

Anderson nodded in way a greeting. "How's our XO holding up, Doctor?"

"Well, all the readings look normal. I'd say the commander is going to be fine."

"Glad to hear it." He turned to the commander. "Shepard, I need to speak with you," he cast a wary glance at Williams, "in private."

Ash took the hint and proffered a salute. "Aye aye, captain. I'll be in the mess if you need me." With that she walked off, Chakwas following close behind.

Anderson turned back to him when both women were gone. "Sounds like that Beacon hit you pretty hard, Shepard. How are you holding up?"

Shepard shrugged. "I've gotten into worst fistfights."

Anderson crossed his arms behind his back and his voice adopted a much more serious tone. "I won't lie to you, Shepard. Things look bad. Nihlus is dead, the Beacon was destroyed, and Geth are invading. The Council's going to want answers."

Shepard explained he and his men did nothing wrong, and Anderson vowed to back him up. But Anderson also explained that Saren, the Turian they'd heard about leading the Geth, was one of the Council's most highly revered Spectres. No matter how much evidence the Alliance presented, the Council would likely take the side of its golden boy.

Anderson asked Shepard if he learned anything from the Beacon, and he recounted the strange dreams of synthetics killing organics. He couldn't clearly remember anything and Shepard scoffed at the idea of using a bad dream as evidence. But Anderson also explained how Saren hated humans, and he would likely use his new found secrets from the Beacon to wipe humanity off the map. Shepard vowed to come up with some way to expose Saren and make the Council believe, no matter what it took.

Instead of talking in circles, Anderson informed Shepard they were still a few hours out from the Citadel, and ordered the commander to take some down time before meeting him on him bridge later. Anderson made to walk away with that final note, but Shepard stopped him, unable to keep back a question that had been bothering him throughout the whole conversation.

"Sir, what exactly is Williams doing aboard the _Normandy?"_ Ashley wasn't on their roster, still technically stationed on Eden Prime. He briefly considered her to be a character witness, but Anderson hadn't mentioned any other witnesses yet.

Anderson stood there a moment, facing away from Shepard, and answered in a grave voice without turning around. "Once the dust had settled and the Geth were driven from the colony, the casualties of the 212 were found to be nearly one hundred percent. Williams is the only surviving marine from her unit."

Shepard felt himself sag as he absorbed that information. "Does she know?"

"Yes."

Shepard shook his head. He'd known the 212 had likely taken a high number of casualties, but he'd been hopeful that a few were able to retreat to a safe position. He assumed as much with how upbeat Ash was when he woke. It was then he realized she'd likely been worrying over his state while he was in a coma. She hadn't been allowing herself time to grieve for her men.

But the points still didn't add up. "That doesn't explain why she's aboard this ship, sir."

Anderson turned to him finally, his face holding mild shock, like he couldn't understand why Shepard couldn't see the things he knew. "Williams is a good soldier, don't you think?"

"The very best the Alliance has to offer." Shepard replied with conviction.

"And Lieutenant Alenko agrees with you. So instead of making her wade through the bureaucracy and constant reassignments, I had Williams reassigned to the _Normandy."_

Shepard shook his head, incredulous. "On any other occasion I'd be the first to argue she deserves a posting like this. But I cannot support your decision, as it has the high potential to violate Alliance regulations. You… know what she means to me, don't you?"

Anderson only chuckled and smiled in the fatherly way. "Why do you think I brought her on this ship?"

Shepard canted his head, still not quite understanding. Anderson looked down a moment, choosing his words before he looked back up at Shepard. "Do you remember those first few weeks when you came back to the _Tokyo_ after Hackett's mission?"

Shepard nodded. "I remember the crew being wound tight and readying for a brawl while the situation with the Turians escalated. We all breathed a sigh of relief when nothing came of it."

"Yes, well I remember thinking the crew was sure to fall apart if things between us and the Turians dragged on much longer. The thing was, they held together, and did their jobs no worse than if they weren't under pressure. Do know why it worked out that way?"

Shepard shook his head, and Anderson continued. "It's because their XO came back a new man. That first week after you came back I saw you smile more than in the last three years. You talked and laughed with the crew. Your ease with the situation affected all of them, and they took an example from their Commander."

Shepard's eyes widened as Anderson word's stated to sink in. The man stepped forward and placed a reassuring hand on Shepard's shoulder. "That was the first time I'd seen you let yourself be happy in god knows how long. I don't know Ashley Williams as well as you do, but that woman is good for you. I've only ever wanted what I thought was best for you, son. And I get the feeling we'll all need reminders of what we're fighting for in the next few months."

Shepard nodded slowly as Anderson pulled away and made for the exit. Over his shoulder, he said, "I don't think Williams has been given a proper tour of the ship yet. We've still got a few hours before we reach the Citadel. Why don't you be the one to take care of that?"

With that Anderson was gone, and Shepard leaned back on the medical bed to go over everything he's been told. He couldn't deny ever since he met Ashley his outlook on life has been substantially more positive. And truth be told he'd always credited the crew's steadfastness and their own ability during that stressful time. To think those two things were connected was… actually quite plausible now that he thought about it.

Because the honest truth was Ashley Williams did make him happier. Not a day went by he didn't think about the amazing few days they shared. Shepard knew if they served aboard the same ship they'd never be able to keep their relationship strictly professional, and there would be consequences should the Alliance ever learn of them. But it was Anderson's ship, and he'd made it very clear he brought Williams on for this very reason. Anderson was one of Shepard's oldest friends, and he could count on the older man to keep the brass off of him and Ashley.

If Shepard was right, the investigation into Saren would likely lead the _Normandy_ and its crew into highly dangerous missions. If Shepard were a sane man he'd never purposely push Ashley into harm's way. But Ashley Williams was one of the best soldiers he'd ever fought with, and he knew he'd need only the most seasoned and trustworthy hands watching his back.

And Anderson was right. Shepard could admit if he was going to do this, he needed something worth fighting for. And he knew he'd fight to every known edge of the galaxy just for her.

It was decided then. Ashley Williams would remain aboard the _Normandy_, and Shepard could already see her accompanying him on all of his ground mission alongside Kaidan Alenko. The three of them had shown great synergy as a team on Eden Prime.

Shepard just wasn't entirely clear on where the two of them stood. A one night stand and a single date hardly counted as a healthy relationship. Ash had said she wanted to come back to this eventually and see if it could work, but both of them had been assuming they'd be much older and lives wouldn't be hanging in the balance.

John knew he wanted to see what a relationship with Ashley could be like, but both of them were still new to this. Ever since Akuze Shepard kept most of his relationships with other utterly professional, and Ash didn't seem like the kind of girl who dated easily. They'd take things slowly, he decided. He'd give her time to adjust to ship life and deal with her men's' deaths properly. Hell, he'd be there to help whenever she wanted it. Shepard would wait as long she needed him to, because like he told himself so long ago, Ashley Williams was worth fighting for.

Feeling markedly better about himself, Shepard strutted out of the med bay, fully intending to go find Ashley.

Instead, he almost ran headlong into Kaidan.

"Woah there!" Kaidan cried out, barely sidestepping the burly commander. "I didn't expect you to be in such a rush after you woke up, sir."

Shepard righted himself and gave the other man a pat on the arm. "You could say I've been having some healthy introspection since I came back to the world of the living."

Kaidan visibly winced a bit. "You can joke about that now, but for a while there I seriously thought the worst. How are you feeling?"

Shepard shrugged. "Could be a lot better, but could be a lot worse too." Kaidan nodded a bit, but still looked a bit unsure. "Besides, you almost ran into me as much I almost ran into you. Where are you headed in such a hurry?"

Kaidan cast a significant glance to Shepard's left. "I was… looking for you, actually."

Shepard looked in that direction and felt his light mood dampen. Ashley sat alone at one of the mess hall tables, staring at the freshly made cup of tea sitting before her. She made no move to drink it, simply staring with a forlorn, blank expression on her face.

Shepard recognized that face from all the times he's stared at it in the mirror. That moment when you're stuck in one of life's quiet moments and you have nothing to comfort you but your memories. Ash was in the near catatonic state where she was remembering the events of what had happened, but viewed the images in a detached sort of way, unable to fully make the emotional connection yet.

"How's she been doing?" Shepard asked Kaidan.

He dragged a hand through his hair helplessly. "She was a wreck when we were dragging you back to the _Normandy._ I thought she might break down, but Chakwas said you were just knocked out, and she calmed. I convinced her to get cleaned up and eat some food while you were asleep, but after that she stuck to your bedside, worried I guess. A few minutes ago I saw her walk out of the med bay smiling, and she told me you'd woken up. Then she just started… this," he finished with a paltry gesture of his hand.

Kaidan gave Shepard a meaningful look. "Look, it's really none of my business, but Joker said you and Williams are sort of a thing. So I made her some tea and went looking for you. I thought maybe you could coax some life out of her."

Shepard gave him a sidelong glance. "I'll see what I can do." He started to move away, but turned back to Kaidan. "You should go get some rack time too. I imagine Anderson will want all three of us at the hearing once we get to the Citadel."

Kaidan nodded and walked off. With that done, Shepard turned back to Ash and took a seat next to her. She didn't respond to his presence immediately, too far lost in her own nightmares, so Shepard placed a careful hand on her shoulder.

Ash jumped only slightly, but brightened when she turned and saw him beside her. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

Shepard chuckled. "I'd be a very rich man if I had a credit for every time someone asked me that."

Ash gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Right, sorry. I was just worried since the Beacon- oh!" She had laced her hands together had been moving to rest them on the table when she nearly knocked over the mug before her. She turned to John with a confused expression. "You made me tea?"

"Uh, no, Kaidan did actually. He said you were kind of out of it."

"Oh," was all she replied with. Cautiously, she gripped the mug with both hands and brought it to her lips to take a small sip. She winced slightly and let out a humorless chuckle. "Alliance never did know where to get the good stuff."

Shepard smiled, but couldn't put any heart into it. Ash regained her far off look; the mug suspended an inch from her face.

John knew he'd have to be careful going forward. "Did Anderson tell you?" he asked slowly.

Ash shook her head. "A friend of mine, Lieutenant Taylor, messaged me a few hours after we left Eden Prime. He said he and his men drove out the Geth, but the only remaining 212 they found were all dead. And they haven't heard from anyone presumed MIA."

"Do you need to talk about it?" She might be calm now, but he remembered how bad it could get when all those emotions finally caught up to you. It might be in a few minutes or it might take years.

Ash pursed her lips, set her mug down, and leaned back in her seat. "I don't know. I guess it doesn't feel real yet." She looked down at the floor, solemn. "I've seen friends die before. It comes with being a marine. But seeing my whole unit wiped out is… And I don't think I could ever get used to seeing dead civilians."

"I'd be much more worried if you did." John leaned forward on the table to try and get a better view of her face. "I'd understand if you wanted to take some time off. Maybe talk to a psychiatrist…"

Ash placed a hand over his on the table, and John felt his words trail off. She turned to him with a meaningful gaze. "I know what you're trying to do. And believe me when I say I can't appreciate it enough. But right now I don't need to talk to some shrink." Her gaze hardened and some of the fire John fell for returned to her eyes. "Right now what I need is to find that bastard Saren and shove my boot straight up his Turian ass."

John felt himself smile genuinely. Here was the Ashley Williams he'd fallen for. The fighter who kept going even when the situation was at its bleakest.

He knew she couldn't put this off forever. Eventually her men's deaths would catch up to her. But John also knew he'd be there when that happened. And if he wanted to take down Saren he'd need fire like Ash's. Wherever John went, he knew he'd want this woman by his side.

John rose from his seat and offered Ash a hand up, which she accepted. "You know, we're coming up on the Citadel soon," he told her.

Ash smiled a bit in response to his lighter mood. "Alenko said that too. I hear it's a sight to behold."

"I've heard that too. And I know the best spot to see it from once we get there."

* * *

_Author's Note: That ended up being a lot longer than intended again. I thought about chopping it up, but all three scenes happen in such a small amount of time I would have felt weird doing so. _

_And so begins the actual ME1 arc of this story! I did some planning, and I have a much clearer plan for chapter content and what order they'll be posted in. At this point in time I'm predicting chapters may be posted once per week, given the amount of time I'm allowed to work on this in between school and life in general. _

_And once again, thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story so far. _


	6. Chapter 6 - Broken

Mass Effect and its character are owned and operated by Bioware and Electronic Arts

Chapter 6 – Broken

John Shepard stood in Ambassador Udina's within the Human Embassy, leaning on the railing of its outside patio and gazing out over the Presidium. The entire Citadel was every bit as beautiful and calming the news outlets proclaimed it to be. Shepard stood there, taking in the lake and carefully maintained fauna enclosures, thinking over the day's events.

In the space of a few hours, Shepard had found out his mentor Anderson was once a Spectre candidate years ago, realized the existence of a doomsday heralding race of aliens known as the Reapers, and exposed Saren Arterius for the traitorous terrorist he was. In addition, he'd also recruited three of the strangest aliens he'd ever met.

Garrus Vakarian, the disillusioned Turian C-Sec officer, and at the time Shepard's only lead when the Council took Saren' word over his. Vakarian was still young and a bit hotheaded, but he stuck to his own morals, not the ones his people tried to engrave into him. And his mastery with sniper rifles rivaled that of Ashley's, maybe even more so.

Wrex, the towering Krogan of death and mayhem. He may only be there for the danger and firefights joining with Shepard promised, but the Krogan was an impenetrable wall of muscle on the battlefield. Plus he'd worked well with Shepard and the others as a five man unit when they assaulted Fist's club. Wrex could follow orders and enjoyed killing; that was enough for Shepard.

Tali Zorah Nar Rayya, the peppy Quarian engineer who held the evidence cinching the trial against Saren. She'd shown she could handle herself in a firefight, and Shepard needed someone with such an intimate knowledge of the Geth to help combat them.

Alenko had taken things in stride, his biotics meshing well with Wrex's and swapping tech attacks with Vakarian. On the other hand, Ash never voiced her concerns, but Shepard could see her repeatedly shoot suspicious glances at all three aliens. They never outright talked about it, but a while ago Shepard sensed Ashley held some mild xenophobic tendencies. Despite that, on the battlefield she slipped easily into a combat routine with Vakarian and Wrex, and the three never showed any unease at working with each other when their lives depended on it.

It was quite possibly the most rag tag team Shepard had ever come up with. But they got the job done, and somehow Shepard knew he could trust them all to watch his back.

On top of all of that, Shepard had also been inducted in to the ranks of Special Tactics and Recon, the first human to ever officially do so. And Anderson passed on control of the _Normandy_ to Shepard, seeing as how the perfect Spectre would need the perfect ship.

Shepard stood there in silence while Anderson and the rest of his ground team chatted amicably. He hasn't fully absorbed the true weight of the past day's events yet. It may never feel real. A week ago becoming a Spectre and commanding his own ship both seemed like far off pipe dreams.

Someone came over and leaned on the rail beside him, and Shepard didn't have to look to know how it was. Shepard inherently knew what Ashley's presence felt like, and it never failed to calm him when she was near. She stood close, their shoulders only a few inches apart. Far enough to keep things professional, but close enough to let him know she was there for him.

"So are ship postings usually this exciting?" she asked him.

Shepard laughed quietly. "Only when you get lucky."

"I guess so." A pause. "So how's it all setting in? Becoming a Spectre is a pretty big deal. It hasn't already gone to that big head of your, has it?"

Shepard smiled as he shrugged. "I'm still getting there. What I do know is that it'll let me keep doing what I do best, only now I've got a lot less red tape holding me back." He bumped his shoulder with hers playfully. "Though I give it a week before I start abusing it all to hell."

He waited a moment to hear her retort, but none came. Confused, he turned to Ash and found her leaning farther over the rail and apparently looking at something down on the main floor of the Presidium.

"Ash?"

She snapped out of her trance and turned back to him. "What? Oh, sorry. I thought I saw something." She glanced warily at the door to the room and spoke without looking at Shepard. "Hey, I've got some… things to take care of while we're here. I'll meet you and the others back on the ship."

Utterly dumfounded, Shepard could only mutter an 'alright' as she walked away at a brisk pace. What things could she possibly have to do aboard a space station she's only first stepped foot on a few hours ago? He watched her bypass the others and clear the doorway, and then she was gone. Obviously Shepard wasn't the only one to notice her abrupt absence, as Alenko walked over to him with a concerned look.

"What's up with Williams? She just brushed by me looking kinda agitated."

Shepard pursed his lips. Slowly, he said, "I don't know." He thought a moment and turned to face Alenko. "Look, why don't you take Wrex, Vakarian and Zorah back to the ship and help them get settled in. I think I have a few things to check out before we go."

"Sure thing." Alenko still looked wary, but headed off to round up the aliens and escort them to the _Normandy._

Once they were gone, Shepard exchanged a few more pleasantries and goodbyes with Anderson before making his leave. He made his way down the stairs to the common area, offering polite nods to those who noticed him. Before walking into the reception area, Shepard held back and opted to peer covertly around the corner. He was just in time to see Ashley say something out of earshot to another man before walking away. Shepard waited until she disappeared through the front entrance to the public area. After that he turned the corner and made his way to this other man who was now dry washing his hands nervously.

Coming up on him, Shepard could tell he was of Indian descent, and he looked to be later in his years judging by the graying hair. He was dressed formally, but Shepard could tell he was ill at ease with the situation and quite upset about something.

"Excuse me?" Shepard said once he was close enough.

The man turned to the sound of his voice. "Yes? Can I help you with- oh!" His eyes widened as realization dawned his face. "Commander Shepard!"

Shepard put on his best reassuring smile. "Yes, that would be me." He extended his hand, which the other man shook. "I was wondering if you've seen a crew member of mine. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams?"

The man adopted a small smile. "Yes, miss Williams did mention she was serving under your command now. She was just here speaking with me. I was overjoyed to learn she survived the events on Eden Prime. Oh! But where are my manners? Samesh Bhatia. Pleased to make your acquaintance, commander." He finished with a slight bow of his head.

The name clicked in Shepard head, and his unease steadily grew. "Would that be any relation to Nirali Bhatia?"

Mr. Bhatia turned solemn. "I take it then Miss Williams has told you about my late wife."

Shepard's spirits sunk completely at that. "I'm sorry for your loss," he managed. He hated how petty those words were, but he didn't know anything other than platitudes he'd been given when his father passed away, or when typing condolence letters to the families of men he'd lost under his command.

Still, Mr. Bhatia seemed grateful for the sentiment. "Thank you, commander. Your words mean a great deal to me in this grave hour. And I must thank you as well for your and Miss William's assistance."

Shepard canted his head. "Our assistance?"

"Oh? I had thought your presence meant you were both… Ah, my apologies. I simply assumed you were here to help as well."

Shepard asked him what he meant, and Mr. Bhatia took a moment to think of how to fully explain the situation. "I had requested my wife's body be placed into my custody so that I may see to her funeral arrangements. However, the Alliance has informed me they cannot release her body, and the representative I met with refused to give me a proper explanation as to why."

His eyes grew pleading. "I only wish to lay my wife to rest, sir. I was at a loss as to what I could do to resolve this, but then Miss Williams approached me a few moments ago. I explained to her what I have just told you, and she offered to try and help convince the representative. I tried telling her she needn't go so far to help me, but she insisted. She walked off just before you arrived."

Shepard propped his chin in one hand. "Yeah, that sounds like something Ashley would do. Where did she go?"

Mr. Bhatia pointed to the street behind him. "To the same place I went to meet the representative, a human owned café a few blocks to the right. Miss Williams isn't tarnishing herself by helping me, is she?"

"Oh no. At least I don't think so. And seeing as I'm here now, I have no reason not to help in this matter. We'll be back to inform you once the situation with your wife is resolved."

"Thank you, commander," Bhatia said with a grateful smile. With that Shepard moved past him and made his way down the street.

As Shepard walked on by, his mind was an interesting muddle of different thoughts. He was certain Mr. Bhatia's concerns about Ashley being reprimanded for talking with an Alliance rep. were unwarranted. But Shepard wouldn't put it past Ashley to say or do something that might put her in a compromising position. The 212 had practically been family to her. And if Shepard knew her, Ashley wouldn't take an insult or transgression against her family kindly.

But beyond that, Shepard couldn't help feeling put out. He could understand this being a personal matter for Ashley, but Shepard thought they were close enough that Ash could trust information like this with him. Maybe Ash simply didn't trust him with something this sensitive, and that hurt more than it probably should have.

The café wasn't difficult to find, seeing as how it was primarily full of Alliance personnel and human politicians currently off duty. Shepard was worried he might make a scene when he walked in, seeing as how the news of his Spectre initiation was being blasted everywhere. However, his concerns were unfounded, as most of the patrons there were more interested in the small altercation happening toward the back.

Coming up to them, Shepard immediately recognized Ashley talking with a man he didn't know, whom Shepard guessed to be the Alliance rep. based on his somewhat nicer than average clothing. He looked young, and quite obviously spent much more time behind desks filling out reports and requisition orders than actually doing hands on work.

He face was pale from sheer terror, and Ash practically had him backed up against the wall, barring him from moving with her words rather than her fists. Though they kept their conversation quiet, it was clear the topic only served to agitate Ashley. Shepard started catching snippets of words as he got closer.

"-have to understand, miss Williams." The man was practically begging. "The tests we run on Mrs. Bhatia's body-"

"Won't count for jack shit," she cut him off with. "Take it from someone who's actually been shot at. Looking at bullet wounds only tells you how big the gun was. You might think otherwise, but keeping Bhatia's body from her family won't yield some big discovery. Why don't you do something useful with your time actually take a look at the guns that fired the rounds?"

She stepped forward and really got in his face. Ashley wasn't exactly a tall woman, but the way she made the man cower made him appear a whole lot smaller than her. "Keeping people's bodies form their loved ones is low. Commander Shepard and I are out there fighting to protect people like you and stop this kind of shit from happening!"

The man held up his hands in surrender. "Alright! It was hard enough turning away Mr. Bhatia, I won't say no to you as well. I'll see to it his wife's body is returned to his family."

Ashley grabbed the scruff of his shirt and forced his head down to look him in the eye. Her voice took on a low, dangerous growl. "You know that's not good enough."

"I-I'll make sure the whole 212 makes it back to their families! I'll even oversee the transfer myself!"

They stood there for a moment, and Shepard was afraid Ashley might do something to escalate the situation. But she released his shirt and with a gesture of her head, the man practically ran off. He bowled past Shepard, barely getting out a pardon, and Shepard watched the man go until he was out of view of the café.

He turned back to Ashley and found her pinching the bridge of her nose while she shook her head. Shepard could sympathize. This wasn't the first time an unwise decision from up the chain of command made his job harder than it had to be.

Shepard stepped closer to her. "Williams."

She visibly stiffened and muttered "Shit" under her breath. She turned to face him, keeping her emotions hidden behind a stoic mask. "How much of that did you see?"

"Just the tale end." Shepard glanced around the café, and more than few patrons quickly turned back to their tables and pretended to be engrossed in their own topics. This wasn't a conversation to be had in public. He gestured to the entrance. "Come on, we'll talk outside."

Ash followed him out of the cafe. They walked back to the embassies side by side in awkward silence. Shepard was thinking of the best way to approach the situation, and he could guess Ash was deciding on how best to explain herself. She hadn't exactly lost her temper per se, but how Ash had spoken to the man was extremely unprofessional. Shepard wouldn't put it past him to seek action against her. Sure, Shepard could wave off any charges with his newly minted Spectre status, but it would just be some unpleasantness that could have been avoided.

"So how pissed are you right now?" Ash eventually asked.

Shepard blew out a breath. "Honestly I'm more disappointed you didn't think to tell me about what you were doing. I would have gladly helped once Mr. Bhatia explained the situation."

Ashley glanced at him warily. "So Samesh told you about his problem?"

"He told me the Alliance was withholding his wife's body and that you agreed to try and resolve the dispute. So exactly why were they holding her body? Something about tests?"

"The rep. said their scientists were studying the wounds her body took from the Geth weaponry. They thought it might help them understand how the machines' guns work. I called his bullshit and told him to spend his time doing something more productive, like actually studying the guns themselves."

Shepard hummed thoughtfully. He looked at her, and he could plainly see Ashley was ill at ease with the situation. She was likely going over what she said and starting to see how poorly chosen her words might have been. Shepard knew she wasn't in the wrong; it was just how she handled herself.

"For what it's worth, I think you're right. Looking at wounds wouldn't provide the information they wanted. And at the same time it only keeps their families from finding solace."

Ash was silent for a moment. "Thanks," she said without any inflection.

"But," Shepard continued, "that doesn't really excuse borderline threatening an Alliance representative." A pause. "No matter how much they probably deserved it."

Shepard glanced at Ashley to see a small smirk on her face. "I might have been a bit too hard on the kid. Just a little."

"Eh, the kid looked like a stern talking to every now and again wouldn't hurt." That got a small chuckle out of her. "Just try to keep in mind most of the people we're going to meet aren't military grunts like us, and in most cases we're not really allowed to yell them into submission."

"Well, maybe I'm not, but from what I understand Mr. Spectre over here is allowed to yell at whoever he wants."

"Within _reason_." Shepard amends, chuckling himself.

Ashley looked pensive for a moment before turning to him. "I am sorry about keeping you out of the loop. My people, my problem. I didn't want to waste your time."

"I already waste enough of my own time that anything you ask me to do won't set me back any more than I already have," he replied. "Besides, you're my crew now. I'd do just about anything to help you sort out a personal problem, even if you weren't my girlfriend."

Ash faltered in her stride by the slightest amount. He'd have probably missed it if he hadn't been watching for it. Obviously she hadn't been expecting those words.

She turned to him with an expectant gaze. "You're serious about this, then?"

Shepard nodded and spoke without any doubt. "Of course I am. There's no reason why I wouldn't be."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but we're kinda hunting a down a rogue Spectre with an army of Geth." Ash looked away, the doubt clear in her features. "A mission like this is too important, and you don't need someone… distracting you. I'd completely understand if you wanted to hold off on us. At least until after Saren's behind bars."

"Well try seeing this from my point of view. A story like this would suck if the dashing hero didn't get the beautiful maiden in the end."

Ash smiled but sighed, exasperated. "You really can't take anything seriously, can you?"

"How's this for serious." Impulsively, John turned about face and took hold of Ashley's hand, making her stop and face him. The pair were a mere foot apart, and any traces of joviality or uncertainty were swept form their faces. It was rather intimate given how close they were, and any other passerby on the street could see them. But for the life of him John couldn't bring himself to care.

"I want to be with you Ashley Williams. I'm more certain of that than I have been of anything else in years. And knowing you're on the same ship as me, watching my six in a firefight, puts me at ease more than having a fleet of dreadnoughts at my back."

Ashley gasped lightly as John took a half step forward and invaded her personal space, but she did not dare move away. John stared into her large brown eyes, looking back at him with such an earnestness that made his heart quake. Her scent filled his mind, a mixture of vanilla soap and grease and her own sweetness that was a heady aroma all her own, and it invaded every corner of his mind. But instead of feeling his judgment being clouded, he could see with sharp clarity, and he knew what he needed.

"I need you by my side, Ash. If I'm jumping straight into hell I want to know the woman I care about most in this galaxy will be waiting for me when I get back." John paused, trying to think of how he could possibly express himself.

"You make me want to be a better man."

Ash stared at him for a moment with her mouth slightly agape, stunned into silence. She finally tore her gaze away, staring off into space with an expression John didn't recognize. Bewilderment, maybe.

"If I came on too strong…" he tried.

"No!" In an instant her gaze found his again and her other hand came to grip his in both of hers. "No. This is just a lot to take in. Surviving a Geth attack, then hunting down evidence against a rogue Spectre, and on top of all that the first human Spectre says he wants to be in a relationship with me? It's a bit more than I can handle right now."

John rested his remaining hand on her own. "I'd understand if you needed time to think this over."

Ash shook her head, and John couldn't detect any doubt in her features. "I don't need time to think. At least not about us. The last time we saw each other I told you I wanted to come back to this. Come back to what we have and see if we could make it work. So I'll be damned if I let Alliance regs or a Turian with a hard on for synthetics come between me and what I want."

Coyly, Ash checked the immediate area around them. Before John could ask what she was doing, Ash leaned up and planted the smallest but most meaningful of kisses on his lips, and he felt a flush crawl up his neck. The both of them were smiling as she pulled away.

"Because what I want is to be with you John Shepard. And I know I'm certain about that."

John felt his chest warm as it filled up with giddiness. "You make a very persuasive argument, miss Williams."

Ash only smiled sweetly in response. After a moment she finally pulled away but refused to let go of his hand with one of her own. "Come one. We shouldn't keep Mr. Bhatia waiting."

John let her take the lead from there, the pair walking side by side in content silence and never breaking the contact of their hands until they reached the embassy.

They found Mr. Bhatia sitting in one of the reception area chairs, but he quickly stood and approached them when he noticed their arrival.

He looked anxious and spoke at a fast pace. "Do you have any news about my wife?"

Ash looked to Shepard, so he took the initiative. "Your wife is coming home, Mr. Bhatia. Williams reminded the representative of just what exactly the Alliance stood for and he saw reason."

Relief instantly swept across Mr. Bhatia features and the tension left his shoulders. "Oh thank you commander! Thank you both so very much." He stepped forward and shook each of their hands vigorously.

Mr. Bhatia took a step back and seemed to sober. "I cannot say this will bring me happiness. But maybe it will bring me and our family peace. I cannot thank you enough, but I hope you both may find happiness of your own in the future."

Shepard glanced at the exact moment to catch Ashley's eyes. He saw just how much lighter she stood now that they'd helped the family of her friend.

_I'm pretty sure I already found that._

"If you'll excuse me, there are arrangements I must attend to now."

Mr. Bhatia began to turn and walk away, but Ashley jumped forward. "Mr. Bhatia, wait!"

He turned back to her with undivided attention. "Yes, miss Williams?"

Ashley stood straighter, steeling her resolve. "This might not mean much coming from me, sir, but… Nirali loved you very much. She would stay up late listening to the voice recordings you sent her, and she constantly talked about how much she missed your cooking or about all the different places you went when you were both younger. She'd count down every day she was closer to talking to you again. I cannot express how sorry I am she's gone now."

Shepard knew Ash was saying that for her own benefit as much as Mr. Bhatia's. He knew Ash likely blamed herself for her men's deaths, and apologizing to a widow was her way of making amends to herself.

Shepard looked to Bhatia, and he saw the man's eyes welling up with barely restrained emotion. "Believe me, miss Williams, it means the world to me hearing that coming from you. Thank you."

Mr. Bhatia began to walk away again, but something seemed to cross his mind, and he turned back to Ashley. "I would like you to know miss Williams my wife only had the utmost respect for you, and that she considered you to be a dear friend. She only ever had words of praise for you when she told me of your endeavors together. If she could speak to us now, I am certain she would say she was extremely proud to have served under your command, and she would not blame you for her death as you likely blame yourself."

Shepard stood rigid with shock. Very rarely did the family ever return condolences they were being given. A glance at Ash told him she was reeling worse than him. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open, and she spoke in a quiet, meek tone. "Thank you, sir."

Mr. Bhatia folded his arms behind his back and, looking between them, bade them good day. With that he turned and walked away.

Shepard blew out the breath of air he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Turning to Ash, he said, "Well that was certainly unex… Ash?"

Shepard instantly grew worried. A moment ago she'd been calm and collected, but now he saw she was fidgeting constantly, her eyes were darting in every direction but never focusing, and her breathing had become short and shallow.

Shepard reached out a hand to ground her. "Ash? Is something-"

Without warning, Ash pivoted on her heel and all but ran out of the embassy entrance. Alarmed, Shepard gave chase. He followed her out of the embassy and to the right down the street. Other pedestrians veered off to the side, afraid to be bowled over by two Alliance marines donned in full military gear as they sped past.

Ashley ignored John's calls. At one point he caught up to her and gripped her shoulder to try and stop her, but Ash gruffly shook her arm from his grasp. He trailed on after her, helpless, watching as her eyes darted back and forth between different buildings.

Suddenly her gaze locked on something in particular, and Ash abruptly turned with John on her heels. He noted she was heading toward an elevator, specifically one they'd taken earlier which led to an access to the upper Wards.

The elevator door swung open as they neared, and once inside Ash stabbed a button without checking to see what it actually did. As the door closed and the elevator began to descend, Ashley resumed her rapid movement by pacing continuously in the small confines of the compartment, haphazardly raking a hand through her hair.

If John wasn't worried before, he was now. Ash had a look of pure terror as her eyes saw something his didn't. It only distressed him more not knowing what was wrong and how there was nothing he could do to help.

"Ashley!" he tried again. If she heard him Ash made no move to acknowledge him. She only kept pacing frantically in the small elevator. John finally had enough, and he forcefully pushed himself into her path and gripped her arms. Ashley continued to thrash a bit in his arms, but finally stood still, her eyes staring at his chest but seeing beyond it.

"Ash, I need you to calm down. Just please tell me what's wrong!"

"Nirali's dead," she blurted out, her words heavy with emotion.

That made John pause. "Yes, Nirali's not here with us anymore. But you made sure she went back to her husband, remember?"

"No." Ashley screwed her eyes shut and shook her head violently. She latched her hands to his arms in a vice like grip. "No no no. Nirali's dead. They're all dead! They're all dead and it's all my fault!"

_On no._ John told himself he'd been expecting this. But he thought he'd have more time to prepare what he'd say. He hoped this would happen on-board the _Normandy,_ maybe during a night shift when Ash wasn't working and her memories caught up to her. He hadn't been prepared for this to happen out in public, where others could see.

Mr. Bhatia. He likely triggered this. Not on purpose of course. But insuring Ash what happened on Eden Prime wasn't her fault simply brought back up all the feelings she had been trying to repress. Mr. Bhatia may not blame her, but that didn't stop Ash from blaming herself.

"Oh god, Ash." John threw an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She buried her face into his neck and John brought his other hand up to comb through her hair, trying to calm her down. He could feel liquid trailing down his neck as sobs began to wrack her body.

She tried to speak between gasps of air. "They trusted me. They trusted me to lead them… and I failed them. I _killed_ them."

"Stop it." John implored quietly, hugging her tight to his body. He tried so hard to make her feel safe in his arms, to keep her grounded. "You had no way of preparing for what happened. It wasn't your fault."

Ash only shook her head against his neck. "I should have known it was a trap. I should have been able to save them, but I was too stupid and scared to do anything. I deserved to die back there, not them."

John's heart broke for her. He knew this wasn't the Ash he'd fallen for talking, but these weren't outright lies. Somewhere deep down she'd been thinking about this and on some level she believed her own words.

The elevator dinged, alerting them they'd arrived at their floor, and John cursed. They couldn't stay here, as other people likely needed to use the elevator. Moving quickly, John kept Ash close as he led her through the door and past a startled pair of Asari. Looking about, he spotted maintenance door leading to a secluded room. He used his Spectre status to deal with the lock, and he and Ash stepped inside.

It was a server room of some kind, probably used for maintaining some of the less important electrical facilities nearby. The lights were turned down much lower than the brightness of the public hallways and streets of the Presidium. John led Ash behind one machine to ensure they had privacy in case someone suddenly walked in.

He finally released Ashley and made her lean back against the wall, keeping his hands gripped on her shoulders to steady her. She still had her eyes closed in a sort of grimace, and he saw she was clenching her teeth something fierce.

"Look at me, Ash," he demanded in a soft but authoritative voice. But Ashley only shook her head again; too afraid to fully come to terms with what was happening.

"Ash, please look at me!" He was practically begging now.

Slowly, she eased eyelids open, and Ash looked up at him with clear sorrow and grief. John could see just how flushed her skin was from how upset she was.

John leaned down to look at her at eye level, and he spoke in a slow, calm voice. "Listen to me. What happened on Eden Prime was not your fault. There was no way you could have prepared for a Geth attack. The only person to blame here is Saren. He's the one who killed your friends. You did everything you possibly could have in a situation like that."

"No I didn't! If I did than Bhatia would still be alive. So would Morley, and Sanders, and Brandson…" A hand came up to grip her forehead. "Oh god, Brandson. He gave his life just so I could get away. My life isn't worth any more than his!"

"Yes it is!" John replied emphatically. He'd seen the report Ash had written while he was comatose. Brandson would have never gotten away with an injury like his. So instead he chose to save the life of a dear friend rather than drag her down with him. "Brandson knew you'd only get yourself killed if you stayed behind, and it was his choice to sacrifice himself so you could live."

"But why should I be alive while he's dead?" Ash yelled at him. She pushed off the wall and into him, balling up her fists on John's chest. "Who was he to decide what was best for me?"

"He was your friend!" he yelled back, and Ashley quieted. John gripped her hands in his own and leaned in closer, so he could really stare into the brown depths of eyes and making her believe his words. Lowering his voice substantially, he said, "He was your friend, and he was a marine. He knew he wasn't walking away from that fight, but he made sure you could. He cared about you enough to see past only thinking about himself."

Ash clearly looked like she wanted to argue, but deep down she knew what John said to be true, and no words would come. Instead, she leaned forward and buried her face in his chest as a fresh bout of tears came to the surface. John looped a hand around her neck and kept her close, whispering soothingly into her hair. He could feel her legs starting to quake, so John eased their bodies to the floor so that they were kneeling in front of each other.

They stayed like that for a long time. John used the one hand to massage the back of neck to calm her down, while the other held onto Ash's hands and kept her anchored to him. Ashley's sobs continued, but waned slowly over time.

John knew she'd never fully recover from what happened. All she could do was pull as many pieces as possible back together and keep going on. He knew because he'd lived through it too, a long time ago. John knew he could never truly fix her, but he remembered words from his past that Ash probably needed to hear right now.

Speaking softly, he said, "Listen to me, Ash. You don't have to answer to any of this, but there are some things I need to say. Is that alright?"

John waited a moment, and when Ash didn't answer, he took it as a cue to continue. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I can't promise you this will get better, because that would be a complete lie. This will hurt for a long, long time. I doubt you'll ever actually forget about the pain you've been put through. It will be a scar of your soul, not merely your body. And it will mark you for the rest of your days."

John paused, letting his words sink in. "But more than that, it will help define you as well. Tragedy like this can destroy us if we let it. But if we find the strength to keep going, the will to rise above the grief and anger, then we get to walk away taller, a better person than who we once were. If you don't let what happened drag you down, than it will hold you up and make you stronger.

"I know what your men meant to you. And I know the lingering doubt saying you could have done more to save them will always haunt you. And years from now, you'll still remember the pain of losing them. But if you give yourself time to grieve, to let the unseen wounds heal, eventually you won't remember the day you lost them. You'll start to remember the days you spent with them. You'll remember all the times you laughed and cried together. Eventually you'll be able to look back on the days with your friends and be happy for the time you spent with them.

"I can't promise you this pain and grief you feel right now will ever fully go away. But I can promise this too will eventually pass, and eventually you'll be able to rise above it, and you'll use this to make yourself stronger. Because you owe it to your men not to wallow in the past, and to continue living your life."

John hadn't needed to hear those words in a long time. He thought himself strong enough to move on. It wasn't until he met Ashley that he realized he hadn't been truly living his own life and allowing himself to dimply be happy.

Ash was quiet for a while, no longer sobbing inconsolably. Only the occasional sniffle escaped her.

"I'm sorry," she quietly said eventually, shaking her head into his chest. "I'm so sorry."

John rested his cheek on her head, trying to will the warmth he felt for her through the connection. "You don't have to be sorry about anything. No one can walk through the jaws of death and come out unscathed. All we can do is pick ourselves up and keep going."

She took a deep, shuddering breath. "Is this what it felt like? After Akuze?"

John closed his eyes, briefly reliving those first few months after that fateful mission. Remembered how lost he felt and all the resentment toward life in general. He'd moved on far from that bitter young man, but he knew he'd never be truly rid of the nightmares.

"If it's not, then it's damn near close."

Ash stayed silent for a moment, absorbing everything he'd just told her. Then she picked her head up and rested her chin on his chest, looking up at him with those big, soulful eyes he could always get lost in.

"What you just said. Is that what someone told you?"

John nodded solemnly. "Anderson got tired of seeing me so listless. One day he sat me down and told me what I just told you." He looked up to the ceiling, a wistful expression briefly crossing his face. "I don't think I truly started healing until after that."

They sat there for a while, staring into each other's eyes, communicating more with their gaze than their words. Again, John was reminded of why he cared for this woman. Ash just went through a mental breakdown, and she'd already came back to herself far sooner than he ever had. He watched as the fears and doubts left her eyes, replaced with confidence and the affinity she shared for him.

John looked away at one point, suddenly feeling somewhat guilty. "Actually, I might have left out one part."

"What is it?"

He blew out a breath. "Anderson said it was always better to have someone helping to support you. At the time I didn't understand. I never wanted someone else to see just how broken I felt inside."

He moved his hand to caress her cheek, and Ash leaned into his touch. "I thought I was fine for a long time, thinking I'd moved on. But then I met you, and I realized I'd been wallowing in my own self-pity and loathing. It felt like I never allowed myself to just be happy ever since Akuze."

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to her own. "You've helped me so much more than I could have imagined. And I know I don't want to make you go through this alone. I want you to know that I'm here for you, whenever you feel like you need me."

Ashley stared at him, drinking in the sight of this man who has pledged himself so completely to her. Suddenly, she gripped his collar and pulled his lips crashing into her own.

John flashed back to the kiss they shared on Arcturus, standing on the catwalk overlooking the backdrop of space. It was not a kiss of physical need, but one of assurance and emotion. One that made promises of how they would always be there for each other, of how they could trust each other, and how they'd support each other when they needed it.

Ash pulled away, breathless, and pulled him into a crushing hug. "Thank you," was all she said, needing no other words.

John returned the embrace with equal intensity. "You don't have to thank me. I care about you, and so long as I'm here, you'll never have to deal with any of this alone."

Ash let out a shaky laugh, and John considered it a small victory. Gingerly, he began to stand and Ash followed suit. They held each other at arm's length, and John heart soared to see the small smile Ash gave him.

"Better?" he asked.

Ash looked down a moment, thinking of the best answer. In a thick voice, she said, "Better. I can't say good yet, not right now. But I'm getting there."

John squeezed her hands. "I've learned it's better to take small victories then let them pass during the long haul."

Her smile grew and her hands squeezed back. John could see the normal color of her skin returning as she calmed down.

Satisfied Ash was okay for now at least, he began to lead her out of the maintenance room. "Come on. If we take too long the crew might start to worry."

Ash followed him back to the elevator, making sure to keep their hands intertwined. As it ascended back to the Presidium, Ash leaned on John's shoulder, tired from the day's events.

She let out an exhausted breath. "God, I'm such a wreck."

John placed a kiss atop her head. "You're no worse than anyone else who's dealt with trauma. Just give it time, and you'll see things will get better."

Ash hummed affirmatively. After a moment she pulled her head away, fixing John with a quizzical stare. "So how do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"How do you, I don't know… just keep going? How did you put your past behind you and keeping move on with your life?"

John looked away, growing solemn. "Truth be told I never really put Akuze behind me. I've just had enough time to learn how to hide the pain and bury it away. It wasn't until I met you I felt like I actually started to move on."

"I guess that's why we're together, huh?"

John turned back to her, perplexed. "What do you mean?"

Ash shrugged. "I mean we're both broken on some level. If you or I tried dating anyone else we'd just end up scaring them off, because they wouldn't know what it is we actually need."

She squeezed his hand as she smiled up at him. "But not us. You could never scare me, because I know just what it is that scares you. The reason we're together is because we know how to fix each other."

John grinned back at her. "So you're saying we're just a couple of defunct mechanics?"

She shoved him with her shoulder. "You know I'm terrible with this sentimental crap. Just bear with me."

John laughed as he placed an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. In a much more serious voice, he said, "I do know what you mean. And quite frankly I'd never trust anyone to fix me besides you."

Ashley beamed, and her dark brown eyes crinkled with happiness. She placed her palm on his cheek and pulled him into one last passionate kiss before the elevator doors opened.


	7. Chapter 7 - Regulations

_Pre Author's Note: _

_First of all, I am soooo sorry it took this long to post this next chapter. My computer crapped out last weekend and I only got it back from our tech guy a few days ago._

_Secondly, a warning to fans of Garrus, Tali, and Wrex. There is some mild character bashing in this chapter, and while they don't necessarily reflect my opinions, I am trying to portray how Ash feels in this part of the story. I'm just telling fans of the lovable alien characters not to take what I say personally. _

Mass Effect and its characters are owned and operated by Bioware and Electronic Arts.

Chapter 7 - Regulations

Ashley slid the now thoroughly cleaned barrel back into place. She made sure it was secure, then snapped the muzzle of the side arm back to handle. Before reattaching the slide, Ash integrated one of the Recoil Damper units Shepard had picked up after one of their firefights on the Citadel. She secured it to the chassis, right in front of the trigger guard, and ran a program with her Tool to make sure it synced with the side arm. With that taken care of, she reattached the slide, making sure it adequately protected the small mass accelerator in the back of the gun. To finish, she replaced all of the pins and screws necessary to keep all of the pieces together.

Ash picked up a dummy clip from her work table and slid it into the handle. The side arm's integrated computer indicated it now had a full clip of virtual rounds. Ash ran another simulation, making the computer believe five rounds had been fired. The supply of 'ammunition' was replenished by the small mass effect field generator in a time of two and a half seconds. Much faster than the time taken when Ash originally found it thanks to the Heat Sink mod she put in as well.

She hit a button on the side of the grip, and it collapsed into its deactivated form and its warning lights flashed from red to green. It barely made a squeak of noise the parts were so clean and properly affixed.

For the final test, she placed it onto the magnetic clip affixed to the belt on her waist. She ran another simulation, this one designed to sync up the side arm computer with her hard suit, and by extension the magnetic clamps holding her guns in placed. Then, Ash pretended to draw her gun suddenly on an enemy. Understanding it was being 'unholstered', the side arm extended its components into its active state, the lights now switched back to red to indicate it was armed. The action was so smooth Ash barely felt any change in the weight distribution.

Smiling proudly to herself, Ash clicked the safety on the Kessler 3 pistol and discharged the dummy ammo reserve. She then placed it on the work bench next to her Haliat 1 Assault Rifle, Python 2 Sniper Rifle, and Storm 2 Shotgun. Each one had received more live and care than tiger cubs being cleaned by their mother. Ash always made sure her equipment was in tip top condition. Especially now, as Shepard informed her yesterday she would be accompanying him and the Quarian to a planet in the Hades Gamma Cluster to find a missing survey team.

She didn't know what to make of the Quarian, Tali Zorah… something something. Ash didn't think the alien to be as capable as Shepard thought she was. Sure, Zorah had gotten the upper hand against Fist's men in the alleyway with her tech grenade, but she didn't have a plan after that. Ash was certain Zorah would be dead right now if Shepard and his team hadn't shown up.

Still, Zorah knew a hell of a lot more about Geth than any of the rest of them did, and she knew about a lot of tech that went way over Ashley's head. But it was obvious the girl was young, naïve, and likely wasn't used to the firefights Ash and Shepard usually found themselves in. Ash was worried of Zorah becoming a liability on the battlefield, rather than an asset.

For the umpteenth time, Ash tried telling herself she wasn't irked by just how easy it was for Zorah to get on board the Normandy.

Ash heard a loud bellow off to her left, and her smiled damped into a scowl. Looking over, she found the Krogan… Wrex, in front of his locker, working on his own guns. He withdrew his Scimitar 1 Shotgun and began dissecting parts to see the inner workings. It wasn't a bad gun, but its bigger than average punch came at the cost of any kind of accuracy. He opened up the firing chamber and gave it a superfluous look over before going, "Eh, looks good enough." Foregoing any kind of care, Wrex slapped the pieces back together.

Ash felt her scowl deepen. Wrex she had no worries about holding his own in a fight. That's what put her on edge. Krogan were notoriously quick to anger, and a _biotic_ Krogan Wrex's size could cause a lot of damage inside of a small ship like the _Normandy._ Wrex had made it clear he wasn't here for Shepard, but for the hunt and fighting and explosions chasing down Saren would surely bring. Ash trusted the Krogan as far as she could throw him, and she was pretty sure Wrex was heavy enough without the armor.

Still, Ash wouldn't be happy right now even if Wrex was human. Guns were not just tools to be used and manhandled. They were extensions of the body, and like any body part should be maintained and kept sacred. Wrex's disregard for his weaponry made her blood boil. Ash had a feeling they'd quickly burn through all the guns Shepard tended to scrounge and/or pilfer with how fast Wrex was certain to put them through the ringer.

Next, Wrex rummaged through his locker and pulled out a wicked looking blade. He then set about attaching it underneath the muzzle of his shotgun. Another thing about Krogan; they really liked getting close and personal.

"You sure that thing's legal in Council Space?" she called out to him.

"Probably not!" Wrex returned smugly. "But the legal stuff's never as much fun to use. Besides, this is a Spectre ship. Where we're going, I don't think anyone will care about a little knife."

Little indeed. The bayonet was longer her forearm and it looked sharp enough to pierce Thresher Maw hide, plus it was serrated like a buzz saw. Ash supposed they needed something stronger than standard issue army knives to deal with Geths' metallic chassis, but what Wrex had in mind just seemed wholly barbaric.

Ash was about to give a witty retort when they both heard the elevator to the cargo bay opening up. She watched as Shepard stepped out and made his way to the far wall, toward the Mako and Officer Vakarian. For whatever reason the Turian assigned himself as something of a chief engineer in charge of Mako maintenance and upgrades.

Of the three aliens currently on board the _Normandy,_ Ash was sure she could trust Vakarian the least. Sure, he was good with tech, and Ash had to grudgingly admit he was better with sniper rifles than she was. But he was still ex Turian military, and Ash knew Vakarian was a highly esteemed name in their society. Vakarian had told them he thought of Saren not as an enemy who happened to be Turian, but as a 'bare-faced' traitor to their people. Ash had a feeling if push came to shove, Vakarian would choose his people over a human ship every time. She wouldn't put is past him to be recording data about the _Normandy_ and sending it back to his military.

Obviously Vakarian gave him a satisfying report, as Shepard nodded and walked away, toward Ash's side of the cargo bay. It looked as though he meant to go talk with her, but he glanced sideways and noticed Wrex fiddling with his gun and bayonet. Shepard stepped up in front of the burly Krogan, crossing his arms and adopting an authoritative stance.

Wrex regarded him impassively. "Shepard."

"Wrex. Is that a _Slakt_ Blade?"

The Krogan eyed the commander warily. "It might be."

Slowly, without drawing attention, Ash subtly pulled out a live ammo reserve for her side arm and placed it on her table.

"Uh huh. Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't those banned in the Council Ordinance of 831 CE? Something about being too barbaric and wounds inflicted being untreatable?"

Wrex scoffed. "So a bunch of squishy Asari and Salarians didn't like the knives we Krogan made to deal with each other. Big whoop. You'd think the Genophage was already enough to curtail us."

"And you know I sympathize with you in that regard. Given the choice, I'd much rather my knives be taken away rather than being sterilized."

That took Ash by surprise. From what she knew of alien history, the Krogan Rebellions over a thousand years ago had been especially bloody compared to other galactic wars. The Council's hands were tied, and if they didn't deploy the Genophage to reduce Krogan repopulation numbers, the Krogan likely would have continued bombing planets into oblivion with giant asteroids.

Hearing Shepard say he didn't support the idea of a birth rate altering genetic mutation virus wasn't surprising coming from him. But circumstances mattered. Krogan were tough enough to kill as is, and if it weren't for the Genophage, there could have been a lot more of them around today. Ash normally agreed with Shepard's opinions, but right now she thought his idealism was misplaced.

Shepard continued in his calm but authoritative voice. "But right now a lot of aliens don't like there being a human Spectre already. And several of my superiors in the Alliance really don't like how I'm letting aliens aboard my ship. Both of those parties will jump on any chance to make my life harder than it has to be."

Wrex's upper lip curled slightly. "What? Are you telling me you're afraid of a bunch of spineless politicians?"

"You wound me, Wrex. But no, I'm not 'afraid' of them." Shepard leaned in closer, but far enough he didn't invade the Krogan's personal space too much. "But what I certainly don't look forward to are the hearings and meetings they'll drag me into about it."

The Krogan snarled. "Meetings?"

"Yup. Long, drawn out procedures where they explain every last minute detail about why exactly _Slakt_ Blades are illegal and why I can't have them onboard and blah blah blah. You know how bureaucrats can be sometimes."

Ash wasn't great at reading Krogan, but she could see the realization dawn on him once he thought about it. "And if you're stuck in meetings it'll just take longer before was can kill stuff again."

Shepard only leaned back and nodded, sporting a smug smile. Wrex harrumphed and shook his head. "You aliens make it really hard to kill stuff."

"That we do, Wrex. Hell, I'd let you swing around a war hammer if they'd let me. But as is, you and I really shouldn't push our luck."

Wrex considered the options, then after a moment began taking the bayonet off of the shotgun. "Alright Shepard, you win. I know a good black market dealer on the Citadel. As soon as we dock there again, the knife's gone." The Krogan's disappointment was clear to see.

Shepard uncrossed his arms and shrugged. "Sorry Wrex. Them's the rules. Though I figured if an enemy ever got that close you'd just head-butt them to death."

Wrex chuckled deep and gravely. "Yeah, but's that only fun the first dozen times. After a while it just starts to give you a headache."

Shepard laughed incredulously. "Wrex."

"Shepard."

Ash rolled her eyes. She wondered if they realized just how dumb their customary greetings and farewells sounded.

Before anymore obstacles could delay him, Shepard hurriedly walked over to the station Ashley had claimed as her own. "Williams."

"We start greeting each other on a one name basis like you and your boy toy over there and I will kick your ass," she informed him. Where any other CO would immediately berate Ash for her uncouth way of addressing them, Shepard only broke out into a larger smile.

"I'm going to choose not to look up the translation for that particular title." Wrex called over. He fixed Ashley with a malign glare. "Though I'm assuming it's something flattering."

"Only the best for you, big guy." Ash responded.

Wrex only grumbled unbelievably. He then seemed to notice something, and raised his nostrils into the air and took a few quick whiffs. Scowling at something Ash couldn't see, Wrex pushed himself away from his spot on the wall and walked away toward the elevator.

"What's gotten into him?" Ash asked Shepard, nodding to the retreating Krogan.

Watching him go, Shepard only shook his head. "Damned if I know. Wrex kinda just does what he wants." He turned back to her and gestured to the weapons on her work bench. "Doing some maintenance I see."

"Yeah, I was just about to get started on my armor too. It might be the third time I've checked them over, but it never hurts to be too thorough."

Shepard's brow furrowed. "You've had time to completely clean and recheck your equipment three times already?"

Embarrassed, Ash crossed her arms behind her back in a somewhat defensive posture. "Well, I wasn't slated to serve on the _Normandy_ originally, remember? So I don't really have a set list of duties assigned to me. Alenko's in charge of the marine detail, so he sort of appointed me as the arms master."

Shepard nodded in understanding. "Right. But beyond cataloguing all our guns and making sure they're properly maintained, there's really not much for you to do." Ash nodded, and Shepard propped his chin on his hand, thinking. After a moment, he said, "I really can't think of anything right now. Let me talk to Alenko and we'll see if we can come up with something suitable for you."

"That's all I can ask for." Ash moved past him to her locker and pulled out her Phoenix Armor. She placed it on the work table backside up and opened the Kinetic Barrier generator in the utility belt, a stoic expression on her face as she worked. Shepard leaned on the table beside her, looking worried and a bit perplexed.

"You alright?" he asked her. Ash turned to face him, expectant, and he said, "You just seem quieter than usual."

He leaned in close and his voice took on a concerned note. "If you're still hung up about the 212 you know I'm here to talk…"

Ash put a hand on his chest and pushed him away only slightly, but gave him a small, assuring smile. "I appreciate it," she told him honestly. "But right now I just want to work and keep my mind off of things."

Shepard took her hand in his own, massaging the back of it reassuringly with his thumb. Ash enjoyed the warmth of the contact, though Shepard still appeared concerned. "You shouldn't bury stuff like this down. It'll only come back later. I learned that the hard way."

"I'm not!" she defended. More quietly, she continued, "I'm still letting it sink in I guess. I still think about the 212 every day, but the ache I get when start doing that is getting to be a little less each time. I just don't like to dwell on things. Especially if I have a job to do."

The answer seemed to placate him, as Shepard relaxed somewhat. "So you're okay?"

Ash turned and leaned on the table with him, looking up at the ceiling. After she thought for a moment, she said, "I'm definitely not okay. And I probably won't be for a long time." She faced Shepard once more. "But I'm good. Good enough to keep going and get the job done. Besides, I'd only hate myself if I started wallowing in self-pity."

"Alright. Just keep in mind I'm always here if you wanna talk."

Ash gave him a deprecating smile. "So you keep saying. But I'm fine. Really. I could be better, but I could be a hell of a lot worse too. Besides, that wasn't even the reason I was being moody for."

"Well then what were you being moody for?"

She looked away nervously, and stood up straight again. "Permission to speak candidly?"

Shepard responded with a mocking smile. "Weren't we doing that already?"

"That's not what I mean. It's about the crew. I have… concerns."

Shepard instantly lost his joviality and stood up straight. "I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say you're not comfortable with the aliens."

Ash answered with a curt nod. "They're non-Alliance personnel. I know you're a Spectre now, and you have the right to govern who we work with, but this is still technically an Alliance vessel. I don't think it's wise to let them wander freely and poke around with our systems. And I especially don't like Zorah being allowed access to work in engineering with the one of a kind, never before seen drive core and the highly secret stealth systems."

"Yeah, I figured you'd feel that way." Shepard said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, I know you have more reason than most not to trust aliens. But we need the best if we want to take down Saren and his Geth." Shepard glanced around, seeing Tali talk with Garrus while he worked on the Mako. "And call it a gut feeling, but I honestly think we can trust them. Or at least I don't think they'll ever turn their backs on us."

"Believe me; I don't doubt Vakarian, Zorah, and Wrex aren't good at what they do. But don't you think we could have brought in other Alliance soldiers to fill their niches? Maybe some of your N7 buddies."

Shepard laughed and faced her again. "Take it from me; N7's have a very hard time sharing command of a mission, especially on ship postings like this. We'd probably spend more time bickering about plans more than actually doing something about it."

She had to concede to that. Multiple CO's vying for power on one small ship didn't sound too enticing. Still, it didn't make her feel any better about having unknown quantities aboard an Alliance ship.

Sensing her reservations, Shepard went on. "They are a bit unorthodox, but they can help us get the job done and bring Saren down. A problem like this is too big for humanity to deal with on its own. We need allies to see this thing through."

"I'm not saying we should turn away allies," she replied earnestly. "I just think we shouldn't bet everything on them staying allies. As noble as the Council seems now, if they feel like their own people are at risk, they'll abandon us."

"You have a very pessimistic outlook on life." Shepard stated dryly.

Without missing a beat, Ash responded, "A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist."

Ash thought for a moment, remembering an old story her father once told her when she was younger. "Look, say you and your dog are hiking through the woods and you're attacked by a bear. The only way you can make it out alive is if you sick your dog on it." Ash's voice turned softer, trying to make Shepard see reason. "As much as you love your dog, it isn't human, and ultimately your life is more valuable than its."

She adopted a more business-like manner before saying, "It's not racism. Not really. The same kinds of unspoken rules still applied back when humans didn't know the relays existed and it was country against country. The peoples of the Council will always be more important to them than humans are."

Shepard closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Alright, I see where your concerns are coming from. But this is my mission, and like you said, I have the here say to decide who I think we need. And what I think is that Zorah, Vakarian, and Wrex are the best soldiers for a situation like this. Please, Ash, I need you to trust me on this."

Ashley's expression softened. "You know I do. I'd never follow an order if I didn't think you supported it."

She saw his mood visibly lighten at hearing his words. "That's all I ever want from you." Turning serious again, he said, "But this is a multi-lateral mission. You're going to have to work with aliens, whether you like it or not."

She straightened her posture and spoke in a no-nonsense tone. "It won't be a problem, Shepard. You tell me to jump, I ask how high. You tell me to kiss a Turian, I'll ask which cheek."

Shepard smirked, and his eyes took on the glint that warned Ash when he was about to say something incredibly stupid. "Would you kiss anyone I ordered you to?" he asked coyly.

Ash grinned wickedly and stepped closer. In a breathy whisper, she said, "Well that depends on how cute the recipient is."

Shepard's tone was equally seductive as he stepped closer. "Oh I think I can someone who stands up to your standards."

"Well I'd love to meet them." Despite her usually stoic and professional self, it was so easy for Ash to let go when John was near. He knew all the right things to say to make her loosen up, and his sheer presence coupled with his close proximity sent her mind reeling.

She started to lean forward at the same time he did, and their lips were scant inches apart when a loud clang rang out through the quiet cargo hold. Zorah yelped, Vakarian let loose a string of Turian expletives, and Ash and Shepard practically jumped away from each other in surprise. They quickly looked over to find Vakarian fumbling with a piece of machinery that had fallen off the Mako while Zorah tried to help.

Shepard turned back to her with a bashful smile, and the two broke out into a fit of giggles when they realized what had almost happened.

"Maybe we shouldn't be too open about us while we're still on the ship." Ashley suggested.

Shepard nodded as he rubbed the back of his neck. "You might be right. Forget about some Krogan knife, the admirals would have a field day if they found out I was dating a soldier under my command."

"Don't joke about that!" she said, playfully shoving his chest. "We both know they get their panties in a bunch over the smallest things." She paused for a moment, thinking of something. "So, how long do you think we have?"

"How long until what?"

"Until the crew starts pairing us together. I don't know about ship postings, but groundside we'd always spend more time gossiping about potential couples than doing drills."

He laughed a bit at that. "Believe me; it only gets worse on ships. It's harder to try and keep a relationship secret because there's almost nowhere to hide, and the crew has a lot more idle time to just chatter aimlessly about their friends and CO's hooking up."

He considered the situation and all the variables for a moment. "I give it a little less than a month before the crew really starts to wise up. Then another couple weeks where the wild speculation starts to run rampant. By two months one of half the crew will be dead certain we're together, and the other half will just be waiting on tangible evidence."

"That time scale is a bit more specific than I expected."

Shepard shrugged. "I've been through a lot of ship postings. Some things tend to follow a certain pattern. Besides, being able to read people has helped me earn a pretty penny in office pools."

Ashley's brow rose. "You take bets on when crew mates hook up?"

"Give it three weeks, and I guarantee you'll understand just how little we have to do in between missions and ship maintenance."

"I still don't think it'll spread as quickly as you think. No one knows about us yet, and it's going to be awhile before they notice anything strange."

Shepard looked away and visibly gulped. "Umm…"

Ashley sighed. "Who knows?" she asked tiredly.

"Well, as far as I'm aware only three people know for certain. Joker found out because he gossips more than teenage clique girls, and Alenko found out from him. The only other person who knows is Anderson."

"_What?"_ Ashley's heart started hammering in her chest. Anderson was an extremely high official within the Alliance. If he knew it was only a matter of time before the whole brass-

Shepard cut off her runaway train of thought by gripping her shoulders and giving her a placating look. "The reason you're here is because Anderson knew," he told her seriously. "He thought having the woman I care about fighting alongside me would keep me grounded and actually help the mission."

Ashley blew out a breath in relief. "Oh thank Christ." They had enough to deal with right now. A bunch of old men in stuffy suits was definitely something they didn't need to contend with as well. "You should really preface with that and avoid giving me a heart attack."

"But then how will I keep you on your toes?" he replied cheekily, letting her go.

"Ass."

"That's _commander_ Ass to you."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Well it is an appropriate title, given how full of shit you usually are."

Shepard placed a hand over his heart, feigning being hurt. "Wow. I expect words like that from my enemies, but from my girlfriend? This feels like an abusive relationship to me, and I'm not sure if we should continue seeing each other."

She only laughed and waved him off. "Sure, we can do that. But we both know you'll only come crawling back when you realize you'll never do better than me."

He placed his fists on his hips in an authoritative stance, but the smirk gave him away. "Really? Because I think it's the other way around. I give it two days until you've realized you're nothing without me, and then _you_ will be begging _me_ to take you back."

Ashley's grin only turned feral at that as she stepped closer. "Oh yeah? Well in my personal experience whenever we're in the bedroom I've had you begging for me to take your-"

"Umm…"

Both of them froze and their eyes shot wide. Slowly, they looked to the side to find Tali Zorah standing not two feet away. Obviously they'd been too absorbed with taunting one another to hear her coming. The Quarian clutched a data pad to her chest for dear life, and even through the mask Ashley could see the poor girl's bright eyes were wide with shock. Ash felt her face flush from embarrassment, and she imagined Zorah's face must practically be on fire right now.

Shepard took a professional step away from Ashley and both of them regained some of their composure. "Do you need something, Tali?" Shepard asked her in a measured voice.

"Oh! Right, um…" Tentatively she stepped forward and held out the data pad, which Shepard took with a word of thanks. "Adams wanted me to… to give you his report." Tali took a few quick steps backward. "So, um, yeah. I'll, uh… talk to you both… later." With that, the Quarian borderline ran away before Ash or Shepard could say anything.

They turned back to each other with emotionless faces. "I think we can chalk up that number to four now." Shepard said.

Ashley dragged a hand over her face. "I think I know how my parents felt when I walked in on them having sex once."

Shepard screwed his eyes shut almost painfully, trying his best not to conjure up that particular image. "And on that note my libido is now thoroughly dead."

She couldn't help laughing. Ash had to agree the mood was entirely killed now. "Like I said, we should try staying low key right now. To avoid tipping off and/or traumatizing the crew."

"That would be the wisest option." Shepard agreed. He started taking a few steps away. "I should probably go talk to Tali and try to calm her down. Make sure she isn't too shell shocked."

"Good luck with that. Poor girl looked absolutely terrified."

Shepard smiled at her comment. "I'm sure she'll be fine. Oh! And like I said I'll talk to Alenko and we'll see what we can get for you to do. I'll come talk to you later."

"Looking forward to it, Shepard." With that, he turned around and truly began to walk away.

Ashley turned back to her armor on the table to pick up where she left off. Strangely, she couldn't shake the feeling of another presence nearby. She was about to turn around and look when she felt Shepard's arm grab onto her waist. Ashley gasped lightly as he planted a quick kiss on her cheek, and a flush of heat ran up her neck.

The lips and hand were removed, and Ash turned to watch Shepard walk away for good this time, sparing only a cheeky glance over his shoulder. Ash smirked back at him.

_Damn that man and his perfect ass!_


	8. Chapter 8 - Play Nice, Part 1

_Pre Author's Note: I am soooo sorry it took this long to post a new chapter! I've been dealing with a lot of end-of-year school stuff and whenever I had time to sit down and write the muse never came to me. _

Mass Effect and its characters are owned and operated by Bioware and Electronic fArts

Chapter 8 - Play Nice, Part 1

It was late into the night shift on the Normandy, and the mess hall housed one sole occupant standing in front of the Med Bay doors. Hesitating only for a moment, Ashley stepped up to the doors and passed through as they opened for her. Dr. Chakwas looked up from her desk and flashed Ashley a smile.

"Ah, there you are miss Williams," she said in her chipper British accent. "And here I thought I'd have to coerce lieutenant Alenko into dragging you to me by force."

Despite how much she didn't want to be here, Ashley couldn't help but smile at Chakwas' way of lightening the mood. "I'd laugh, but I'm too afraid you're actually being serious."

"As you should be." Chakwas said while standing up. "I take the wellbeing of the crew very seriously, and if that means administering checkups for wounds you have, then I will do everything in my power to do so." She pointed to one of the medical beds along the wall. "Now, up on that bed and off with those trousers."

Ashley smirked as she walked over and unlatched her belt. "You know, most women usually buy me a few drinks before they start giving me orders like that."

"I'm sure, but in those instances the women involved don't have the capability of barring you from further ground missions for lack of an up-to-date bill of health."

The smirk turned into a low scowl. "I see we like playing dirty," Ashley observed.

"Chief, in my experience soldiers won't even drink their cough syrup if you don't use some kind of black mail."

Harrumphing somewhat, Ashley loosed the pants from around her waist and pooled them around the tops of the boots she kept on. Thankful she was still clad in her compression shorts, she hopped onto the medical bed, gripping the edge while she dangled her legs over the side. Chakwas came to stand in front of her, opening up her Omni Tool and beginning to inspect Ashley's left leg.

The gunshot wound she had sustained on Eden Prime was mostly healed now, only a faint patch of scarring that was lighter in color than the rest of her body. Since then the only times Ashley actually felt her it was a dull ache in her calf after a workout or a mission.

"This won't have to be too intensive, will it?" Ashley asked the doctor.

"Oh no, I only have to run a few surface scans. Nothing invasive or terribly time consuming." Chakwas was silent for a few moments while she pored over the data popping up on her Tool. It gave off a beep, and Chakwas typed out a few commands. "Well Chief, your leg seems to be healing remarkable well. It was fortunate the commander was there and able to apply medical attention so quickly."

_Not quickly enough,_ she thought glumly. Ashley mentally berated herself. She knew the _Normandy's_ presence arriving sooner likely wouldn't have changed anything. Ashley was grateful Shepard had gotten their in time to save her life from the Geth. She still just needed time processing what happened to the 212.

Shepard had been immeasurably helpful over the last week, giving her a job to do or talking with her when she needed it. Shepard would have lent a helping hand even if they weren't together, but Ashley could tell he put in a bit more effort to help her than he needed to. Shepard never asked for a thank-you, but Ashley found it sweet all the same.

Silence stretched between them as Chakwas ran her scans. It wasn't awkward per se, but Ashley and Chakwas had simply never found common ground to talk about. It was then Ash realized she actually knew very little about the woman standing in front of her, so she decided to change that.

"So how long have you been a doctor?" she started conversationally.

Chakwas let out a low, melodic chuckle that reverberated off the walls of her med bay. "Much longer than I care to admit, I'm afraid. I spent my younger years earning my degree, and since then I've always served with the Alliance."

"Your whole life? Didn't you ever want to open up your own practice?"

The doctor paused in her work as she stared off into space with a small smile, remembering events from yester year. "That option has actually crossed my desk more than a few times. And yes, I've been tempted. To start up my own clinic on one of the major colonies like Mars or Terra Nova." She closed her eyes as she shook her head, banishing away silly memories. Chakwas turned back to Ashley with a determined set to her blue gaze. "But every time I turned the offer away, because I knew I'd only missed being with the Alliance."

She took on a dreamy look while she resumed her scans. "There's always been something special to me about serving aboard war ships. That subtle vertigo when the dampeners kick, helping to mend wounded soldiers or crewmen, even just meeting new people and adding their stories to the mental collection I have. No, I dare say if I retired I'd sooner go loony due to the lack of excitement."

Ashley smiled at the older woman's words. She never would have pegged Chakwas to be the nostalgic type. "Sounds like you landed the job you always wanted."

The bark of laughter Chakwas let out was so sudden and loud it actually made Ashley jump. "Oh no! I thought the Alliance would be a _very_ different experience when I first enlisted. I was expecting to travel the stars, treating tough soldiers with sensitive souls and piercing gazes." Another beep from the Omni Tool, and Chakwas pressed a few more commands to start the next scan. "As you can imagine any romanticism I had when I was young and naïve was washed away within a year or two of service."

"Oh," Ash replied lamely. Not exactly the kind of romantic story you'd see in the movies. "So what happened? What made you stay if you weren't living your dream?"

"I grew older," she said matter-of-factly, giving Ashley a knowing glance. "You'll find your priorities will change as you grow later in your years. I realized serving with the Alliance, jumping from ship to ship, actually provided more stability than if I worked on my own. And as I said, I love taking care of my children too much to leave the Alliance."

Ashley quirked an eyebrow. "Your children?"

"Yes. You, Shepard, even Joker. You all do good work, and it puts my soul at rest knowing I'll be here to help any of you however I can."

The romantic in Ashley couldn't help feeling extremely touched by Chakwas's sentiments. The older woman could be strict and unyielding at times, but she acted motherly and fair to those she was responsible for.

"Aww. That's actually really sweet."

Chakwas gave her a malign glare. "I'd recommend not spreading that particular rumor around, lest you want these medical visits to be more uncomfortable than they already are."

Ashley held up a hand in surrender, though Chakwas's mild threat did little to dampen her mood. Deciding to change the subject, she said, "Got any good stories to share? Possibly involving those soldiers with the piercing eyes and chiseled abs?" Ashley waggled her brow suggestively.

The doctor laughed good humoredly. "I will have you know I was quite the looker when I was your age. Almost every young man and more than a few women tried to catch my eye while they were stuck in the med bay. Of course, I only ever indulged myself with those I truly thought worth my time."

She sighed somewhat whimsically. "Were I twenty years younger the commander is exactly the kind of man I would have sunk my teeth into."

Ashley gawked at the doctor's sudden admission. "_Chakwas!"_ she exclaimed, over exaggerating her scandalized reaction by placing a hand over her heart. "He's your commanding officer!"

"That's never stopped me before," the doctor said with a smirk. She then gave Ashley a knowing look before saying, "And from what I understand that hasn't stopped you either."

It took two full seconds for Ashley to process what exactly the last sentence meant, and when it finally clicked all of the humor and color in her face drained away. She was stunned into silence as Chakwas closed down her Omni Tool and began typing statuses into a data pad.

"Oh, don't look so surprised," Chakwas admonished. "And close your mouth. It's unseemly."

Ashley did so, not even realizing it had been open in their first place.

Working up her nerve, she nervously asked, "Is it really that easy to tell?" Ashley thought she and Shepard were being more careful. If the crew were so quick to catch on then they might have a more serious problem on their hands…

To her dismay, Chakwas only laughed more at Ashley's expense. "Miss Williams, part of my job is knowing my patients better than they know themselves. And I've been doing my job for the better part of the last three decades."

Ashley breathed a sigh of relief. So she and Shepard weren't totally inept; the doctor was just keenly perceptive.

Chakwas went on. "Believe me; very few people are actually wise to the true nature of your relationship with Shepard. I probably wouldn't have caught on so soon had you not lingered in the med bay for so long while Shepard was unconscious after the Beacon incident."

"Oh, right." Ash had in fact been admitted into the med bay to have her leg looked at. But after Chakwas gave her the all clear, Ashley couldn't bring herself to leave Shepard's side, at least not for very long. On some level she did feel responsible for activating the Beacon and getting Shepard hurt. That guilt was only magnified by the fact it was a man she cared a great deal for. Besides, it wasn't like Anderson gave Ash any responsibilities when he informed her she was being reassigned to the _Normandy_. So Ashley had nothing better to do after cleaning herself up than watching over Shepard.

Putting her things away, Chakwas walked up to Ashley and placed a hand on her shoulder, giving her a tender motherly look. "But for what it's worth, I approve. I've seen how you and Shepard look at each other when I started paying attention. And I think you help each other in ways I cannot." Ashley nodded solemnly, remembering how long Shepard stayed with her during the breakdown after helping Samesh.

"That might be truer than you realize." Ash responded with a meek smile.

"I can imagine." Stepping back, Chakwas brought her Omni Tool back up and adopted her usual business manner. "Back to the matter at hand, it looks like your leg is healing just fine, and I see no reason to keep you from any ground side missions should Shepard require you."

Ash breathed a sigh of relief. She might have gone stir crazy being stuck onboard the ship with next to nothing to do.

Chakwas stepped away to fish out a small bottle of pills from a nearby cupboard, which she offered to Ashley. "I'm prescribing you one more half prescription of pain medication, but I only want you to take these sparingly when you feel as though your leg is truly acting up. I also have one more request, if it is not too presumptuous."

"Thanks for these," Ash said whilst giving the bottle a light shake, "and what else do want me to do? Special exercises for my leg or something?"

"Actually I was wondering if I might live vicariously through you." Ashley only gave her the blankest of stares, not catching her meaning. Smiling devilishly, Chakwas continued, "As I said, the commander is a very fine specimen. It would make _me_ feel knowing someone was making _him_ feel better."

Ashley blanched, pretending to be on the verge of throwing up, earning her a playful glare from her doctor. The two laughed it off as Chakwas returned to her desk. Ash stood up from the bed and was about to pull her pants back up when the swoosh of a door opening caught her attention.

Liara T'Soni walked into the med bay from her alcove in the back, staring intently at a data pad. "Excuse me doctor, but I was wondering if you could take a look at- OH!" The Asari stopped dead in her tracks when she looked up to see Ashley with the majority of her lower body uncovered, and a very deep purple blush spread its way across her face.

"Sorry," Ash chuckled, quickly pulling her pants back on to regain her decency in front of the practically terrified looking Asari. As a soldier, Ash had no problem being seen unclothed by her friends and coworkers. It was a particular desensitization that came with being a marine. But Ash imagined seeing someone else naked was something much rarer for T'Soni.

Of the four aliens currently onboard the Normandy, Liara had to be the most peculiar. Before going to Therum, Ashley imagined they would find a stuck up pompous brat who made her mother Benezia clean up her messes. Instead, they found a meek, easily flustered girl barely more than a teen in human years, with more daddy (mommy?) issues than the Krogan who killed his own father.

Listening around the scuttlebutt, it looked as though most of the crew did not like the Asari being onboard the Normandy and being given free rein to go where she chose. Understandable, considering she is the daughter of one of Saren's closest supporters. But for the life of her Ashley genuinely could not bring herself to mistrust the Asari. Liara just seemed too bumbling and innocent to be in cahoots with two of the galaxy's biggest traitors. Or she might be a really good actress, but Ash couldn't imagine the Asari ever lied a lot.

Although at the moment, said Asari was doing a good impression of a deer caught in head lights. "Oh! No, you are, um, fine," she stammered. Working up her resolve and avoiding any kind of eye contact, she quickly stepped across the med bay and held out the data pad for Dr. Chakwas, who was now watching with an amused grin. In a quiet voice, Liara said, "Uh, I wondered if this might be of use to you. They are detailed reports about Asari anatomy and diets."

Dr. Chakwas chuckled airily as she accepted the data pad. "Thank you, Dr. T'Soni. I do think these will help."

Liara nodded and flashed a very brief smile. Before anything more could be said, the Asari turned tail and briskly walked back to her alcove and shut the door.

Perplexed, Ashley walked over to Chakwas, who was now pouring over the data pad Liara had given her. Casting a confused glance at the door, she asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

"Of course not," Chakwas replied earnestly. "At least nothing you did personally. Liara is just having a difficult time acclimating to life aboard a warship, and a human one at that. Besides myself and the commander Liara hasn't talked to anyone for extended periods of time."

"You and Liara chat?"

"Yes. It's somewhat strange talking with a person's who's over twice my age but has the mentality of someone younger than me. But Liara is incredibly intelligent and such a sweet girl when you get to know her. I just wish she'd come out of her shell a bit more."

Ash shifted her weight to one hip, fixing the doctor with a serious stare. "Give me your honest opinion, doc? What do you make of T'Soni?"

Chakwas put the data pad down and folded her hands in her lap, staring off into space for a moment while she thought. "I do understand how serious the implications are against Miss T'Soni. The fact she is her mother's daughter is not a connection we can simply overlook." She turned to Ashley with a level, earnest gaze. "But I've gotten to know her over the past few days, and I can assure you Liara has a very bad poker face. Benezia working with Saren worries her more than it does any of us. In my opinion Liara is more than a little shell shocked, still trying to come to terms with everything that's happening around her. But she has a strong conviction of right over wrong, and I truly believe she wants to help us in any capacity she can."

Ash crossed her arms, giving the door a loaded look. "Good to know we're on the same page then."

The doctor made a surprised sound in the back of her throat. Ash turned to her with a questioning glance, and she said, "I had thought you would be among those who hadn't trusted the Asari yet."

"I probably would have thought that too if I were in your shoes," Ash replied with a shrug. "I don't know what it is, but I just can't see Liara having a single bad bone in her body. Er, Asari have bones, right?" Chakwas gave an exasperated nod, and Ash continued. "If anything T'Soni reminds me more of my little sisters back when they were still growing up. None of them could lie worth a damn either.

"I can't say I trust her. Not yet, anyway. But I'm with you in thinking Liara's here to find the truth about her mother, not to sabotage us."

"That's very insightful of you Chief," Chakwas commended. "I can see why Shepard values your opinion so much." Ash didn't respond to the doctor, but smiled at the compliment nonetheless. Chakwas cast a calculating look at the door to Liara's abode, thinking. "You know, I do think Liara would come out more often and talk with us if she had a few more friends."

Ashley thought the unsaid proposal over, weighing the pros and cons. "Yeah, what the hell? Knowing Shepard he'll eventually make the two us come on a mission with him. It's only fair to warn T'Soni how crazy he gets during a firefight. Plus some tips on keeping food down whenever he drives the Mako."

The soldier and doctor shared one more brief smile, and Chakwas engrossed herself with her work while Ashley moved to the door. Rather than barge in, she knocked on the door a few times, to be courteous to a non-Alliance crew member who probably didn't have the same concept of personal privacy as a servicemen. Ash heard a faint, "Come in," so she palmed the panel on the door and moved inside when the doors opened for her.

Ashley briefly took in what Liara had made into her room. The surplus of medicine and medical supplies were stacked in boxes off to one side, like they had been before Liara moved in. Aside from a cot, chair, and personal terminal, the Asari hadn't really put a personal touch to the room yet. The lack of proper lighting made the room a bit more depressing than it had to be, but then again it was never meant to be a permanent residence in the first place.

Liara swiveled in her chair to see her guest, and her large blue eyes grew larger in surprise. "Chief Williams!" she greeted while rising. "Is there something you require of me?"

Ashley moved away from the door to let it close, giving them some privacy while she walked up to the Asari. "No, actually. I was just wondering if you wanted to talk for a bit."

"Oh no. Have I done something to offend you?" Liara gripped her hands together in front of her, probably to keep them from fidgeting.

Ashley's brow rose in surprise. "What could you have possibly done to offend me?"

"You are not angry with me?" Ashley only shook her head, and Liara sighed in exasperation. "I am sorry miss Williams. I had never actually met a human until Shepard rescued me on Therum, and I must admit I'm still having trouble coming to understand your species. Humans are much more… assertive, than I expected."

"Guilty as charged. Us humans don't live as long as you Asari or Turians. We don't get the luxury of waiting a couple hundred years to figure out what we want to do with our lives."

"I can see how that might be a handicap." Liara's mouth twitched only slightly, maybe into the first stages of a smile, but the gesture was gone before Ashley even realized it was there. "In any event, what is it you would like to speak about? Shepard has already questioned me as to the relationship with my mother, and I am afraid there is not much more I could say."

Liara stood rigid, tense, obviously expecting Ashley to interrogate her in some way, and the human mentally sighed. She wouldn't get anywhere if the Asari inherently feared her.

"No, nothing like that. Chakwas said you don't interact with the crew much, so I was wondering if you just wanted talk. You know, girl to girl?" Liara seemed quick to jump to amend that statement, but Ash waved her off. "Yes, I know Asari are mono gendered and that you don't actually have 'boys' and 'girls.' But you look, sound, and act like any number of human women I've met, so it'll be easier for both of us if we just let that be."

To Ashley's surprise, Liara barely looked taken aback. "I suppose that makes sense. And… talking? I will not decline, but I must warn you Miss Williams that I am rather rusty at social interaction." Liara shifted on her feet, glancing away as a worried expression crossed her face. "Besides, I was under the impression you did not… think of me very kindly."

Ash rubbed her arm nervously as she looked down. "Yeah, guess I did kinda act like a bitch during the debriefing after Therum. In my defense, my… friends came real close to turning into crisps in a volcanic eruption, so I was a little on edge going into that."

Ash was careful not to oust herself and Shepard as being together. Right now the fewer people who knew about them, the better. Of course, using 'friends' in that statement would imply she got along with Wrex and Vakarian too. Well, she didn't dislike them, so at least there's potential for mutual acquaintances.

"I think all of our nerves were a bit frayed after that incident," Liara replied, with a little more humor to her voice than Ash expected. "And as I said, humans are still new to me, and some of your reactions took me off guard. The Pilot's attempts at humor were certainly unexpected."

"Joker's is kind of an ass. I wouldn't blame you for avoiding him." The words might have sounded harsh had Ashley not said them with a good natured grin. More seriously, she said, "Telling bad jokes is just how Joker deals with stuff. The same way I like cleaning guns, or how you probably like learning new stuff about the Protheans."

Liara nodded sagely. "I can understand that. And I do hope you realize I do not harbor ill will toward you for how you spoke in the debriefing. As Benezia's daughter any mistrust you might have is quite justified."

"To be honest I thought you'd be more stuck up and pompous like the other Asari we've met, so the whole 'nerdy ancient relic hunter' thing threw me for a loop."

"Threw you for a what?"

"A loop. Oh, uh, human expression."

"I see." Liara adopted a more speculative tone. "I take it you do not think very highly of my species, Miss Williams."

Ashley shrugged, a lame expression on her face. "My family has bad history with the Turians from the First Contact War, more so than most families, so xenophobia kind of runs in the family. Plus I'd never actually met an alien until joining Shepard's mission, so I didn't really know what to expect."

"I cannot say I blame you. Many Asari sees themselves as the apex race, and tend to look down upon the rest. I chose archaeology for its solitude, for dealing with members of my own species can be quite… difficult at times."

"Well, it's good to see you turned out so likeable considering the background you came from." Liara started to shake her head, maybe refute Ashley's claims in some way, but she wouldn't have any of it. "No seriously. You're smart, easy to talk to, and a hell of a lot nicer than a lot of humans I've known."

Liara ducked her head shyly, a faint blush crossing her cheeks, but Ash could see the corners of her mouth quirking upward in the smallest of smiles. "You do not have say such things. But… thank you."

Ashley grinned, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to one hip. "I get the feeling you don't get a lot of compliments like that."

The Asari let out a breath of air that might have sounded like a single laugh. "Truthfully, no. I was never the one pretty girls like you would approach in school, and I've spent most of my life in a career where colleagues do not commonly complement each other's work or accomplishments."

_Did she just call me pretty?_ It was a inconsequential thought, but the prospect of being called attractive by the race that literally cornered the market on sex appeal was too good to pass up.

"Well then I guess that's their loss for not realizing how awesome you are."

Liara brought a hand to cover her mouth to cover the laugh starting to break through. "Now you are deliberately trying to make me blush." From what she could see, Ash was certainly succeeding in that endeavor.

She took a moment to calm down, seemingly taken off guard by what happened. "I am sorry. I cannot remember the last time I did something like that." In response to Ashley asking what she meant, Liara said, "Just… laugh. At dig sites I am usually on my own, and outside of my research I do not spend much time with others. There have never been very many instances where I can just talk with people I consider my friends and let go."

Ashley's eyes widened at Liara apparent confession. "Are you saying I'm your friend?"

Liara's mouth lost its smile and she ducked her head in embarrassment. "I am being presumptuous. I'm sorry if I've overstepped-"

The Asari was cut when the Ashley took her hands in her own. Liara looked up to see Ash giving her a warm smile. "You don't have to apologize so much. And I'd like it if we were friends."

Liara sighed in relief. "Thank you. Most of the crew do not seem to trust me, but it is… nice knowing a few do not see me as a threat."

Ash gave her hands a reassuring squeeze. "You're still new on the ship. Just give it a little while and try coming out more often. They'll warm up to you."

Liara regained her composure after a moment, her large blue eyes shining with a mirth that hadn't been there when Ashley walked in. She decided the Asari looked much less severe when she smiled. "I do not mean to turn you away, but there are some data feeds I must go over. But I would very much enjoy speaking with you again."

Ashley couldn't stop grinning herself, proud of having been able to make Liara come out of her shell, at least a little bit. "You know what? We still have to get you kitted out with some armor and a few guns. I know Shepard will eventually want you to come on one of our ground missions, so you have to be prepared for the kinds of firefights he drags us into. Come down to the cargo bay tomorrow and I'll help you pick out the best gear out of what we have."

"I think I would like that. Thank you."

Nodding in affirmation, Ashley backed off toward the door while Liara took her seat at her terminal. Before leaving Ashley paused at the door, looking over the room. "You know you don't have to live in here. I'm sure if you asked Shepard he'd find something much nicer."

Liara swiveled back to face her. "I am certain her would. But I like it here, and the solitude it provides me." She paused a moment, looking contemplative. "Though I do think I will try venturing out more often."

"Sounds good. Night, doc."

"Good night Miss Williams."

Feeling positively giddy about herself, Ash exited Liara's room, said good night to Chakwas as well, and made her way out of the med bay. Ash didn't feel particularly tired yet, so rather than head to the crew quarters and lie down in her bunk she veered off to empty mess to make herself a cup of late night tea. She was going through cupboards looking for the Jasmine tea she bought on the Citadel when she heard a low groan come from the alcove where Kaidan Alenko could usually be found working on a defunct terminal in his off time.

Leaning over the partition, she found the man sitting on the ground, hanging his head in his hands.

"LT?"

Alenko let out a hiss of air and curled further into himself. "Shit Williams not so loud! My skull feels ready crack as is."

"Oh, sorry," she said, quieter this time. She walked around the partition and kneeled down in front of him to try and see what was wrong. His eyes were screwed shut, and his jaw was clenched in pain. Ash instantly became worried.

"Are you okay Alenko? Do you need me to go get Chakwas?"

"No!" he implored, blindly reaching out a hand to try and stop. More quietly, he said, "No. It's just a headache. I just have to wait for my meds to kick in."

"Uh huh. I'll admit headaches don't leave me feeling cheery either, but I've never had one that put me on my ass like you are now. How long until the meds kick in?"

"Can take anywhere from five minutes to an hour," he muttered sourly.

"Right." Ash rocked back on her heels, thinking of anything she could do. Then she had an idea in the form of an old recipe her mother taught her. "Alright, I think I might know how to help. Don't go anywhere."

"Didn't really plan on it," he deadpanned while Ash got up. Setting the electric pitcher to boil some water, Ash went back through the cupboards and found a package of Earl Grey. She also withdrew the vinegar, sugar, nutmeg, and saffron.

The mess hall was dead silent save for the sound of water starting to boil. Feeling bad about the Lieutenant, Ashley tried engaging him conversationally. "So you get these kinds of headaches a lot?" she called over, but not too loudly so as not to piss him off.

She couldn't see him, but Kaidan sounded haggard when he spoke. "Often enough that it actually affects my work sometimes. Comes with being an L2."

"Being a Lieutenant on the _Normandy_ can't be such a bad job that it gives you debilitating headaches." The pitcher dinged, and Ash poured some of the steaming water into a mug with the Earl Grey tea packet.

Kaidan sighed loudly while Ash began stirring. "L_2_, not L_T_. As in my biotic implant."

"Oooooh, right." She'd forgotten human biotics needed amps to help them focus their powers. She started adding in drops of vinegar while she spoke. "But I thought the scientists who made amps designed them so they didn't do stuff like this."

"Yeah, for the L3's maybe." It took Ash off guard listening to the contempt in his voice. Kaidan was always soft spoken, apologetic, and overall very kind, even to those who didn't treat him with respect. The man never even lost his cool during firefights. To see that fortitude crack even the slightest was a testament to how bad his head ache must truly be. "Those with the L2 implant never got the same treatment as newer biotics."

Ash broke off a few small pieces of saffron and let them soak in the tea. "Can't you upgrade to the new implant?" she asked cautiously.

Kaidan let out a hollow laugh. "I was stuck with the L2 for too long before the newer model came out. It's practically part of my nervous system. It would only end up doing more harm than good."

"Well that sucks." That was like being forced to use a Lancer 1 rifle while everyone else got Tsunami 4's.

"Yeah," Kaidan muttered glumly. "Yeah it does."

As the finishing touch, Ash sprinkled in some of the nutmeg and chased it with a healthy dollop of sugar to help lessen out all the other flavors. Stirring to make sure it all mixed well, she walked back over to Kaidan's spot on the floor and kneeled in front of him.

Offering the mug to him, she said, "Here. I think some tea might help in this situation."

Kaidan took the mug with a small nod, his eyes still shutting out all the light. Taking a cautious, his face scrunched up even more as the liquid passed over his tongue. "That's a, um, very… interesting flavor, Chief.

Ash chuckled as she leaned back on her heels. "For the record, it's supposed to taste like crap. You don't have to sugar coat it for me."

"I really wish you had sugar coated-" Kaidan trailed off as his eyes snapped wide. He blinked several times and took another sip, realization starting to dawn. "Oh _wow._"

"Feeling better?" she asked with a grin.

Kaidan rubbed a free hand over his skull, mystified at how the pressure in his head was receding. "Yeah! A lot better." He gave the mug a peculiar stare as he took another sip, completely willing to choke back the rancorous taste in return for its miracle cure. "What's in this?"

"Earl Gray, sugar, vinegar, saffron, and a bit of nutmeg."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "And you knew that combination would cure headaches, how?"

Ash laughed as she repositioned herself, crossing her legs in front of him. "Mom found that out, actually. She was always into the homeopathic stuff. She liked experimenting with different ingredients to see what she could make whenever my sisters and I gave her a break."

"Don't take this the wrong way Williams, but I think I'm in love with you mom."

"Coming from a guy with your looks like yours, I don't think she'd stop you."

A very faint blush crossed his cheeks while he laughed at her comment. Within minutes he already looked ten times better. His muscles weren't drawn taut and his mouth curled upward in a smile rather than remain a scowl of pain. He was in fact a handsome man; a fact he never quite liked to live up to.

"Thank you, Williams," he intoned earnestly. "But if you don't mind, I'd really like that recipe."

"Consider it done. So, what are you still doing up? You're not in charge of the night shift too, are you?"

"No, just getting a late night snack. Because of my high metabolism I wake up with serious hunger cramps if I don't eat something before I go to sleep."

"High metabolism comes with being a biotic, right?" Kaidan nodded as he took another sip, grimacing less so this time. Intrigued, Ash asked, "So what's it like?"

"Well I can eat just about anything and not have to worry about it going to my thighs, so I've got that going for me, which is nice." Kaidan snickered at some joke Ash didn't realize.

Ash rolled her eyes. "Not _that._ I mean what's like being able to move stuff with you mind?"

Kaidan's light expression fell somewhat, not particularly eager about the change in conversation. "It's definitely not as much fun as some Human Evolution advocates might try to make you think."

Kaidan titled his head back, leaning it on the bulkhead, as he thought. "This probably isn't very accurate, but it sort of feels like having and extra set of arms, but they're as natural to you as your other limbs. Aside from the smell of ozone and the occasional light show, picking up or throwing an object with my biotics doesn't feel any different than if I had done it with my hands."

Ash pouted. "Well that's lame. I hoped you would have said something like 'it feels like you're charged with electricity' or 'it gives you super perception of what's happening around you.'" Kaidan only chuckled at her remark, shaking his head. On the high of her record of small successes that night, Ash decided to push on. "If you don't mind me saying, LT, but it looks like your biotics have been getting stronger over the past few weeks. Knocking Flashlight Heads on their asses makes for good practice?"

Instead of making a quip like she expected, Kaidan became downcast and looked away, something like shame crossing his face. He spoke so quietly Ash had to strain to hear him. "I guess there's less reason to hold back when the targets aren't actually alive."

Ash tilted her head to the side, trying to get a better look at him. "Why would you hold back?"

Kaidan closed his eyes as he set his mug down, looking tired and defeated again. "It's a personal reason, Chief. I don't want to trouble you with my problems."

Unwilling to accept defeat, Ash scooted closer and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Kaidan looked back to her, and she flashed him a reassuring smile. "Half of my job with the 212 was listening to my men's gripes. Besides, I'd like to think we're friends, Alenko. You can talk to me."

He was silent for a moment, thinking over the option she presented him. Eventually Kaidan sighed and said, "This might be the headache or lack of food talking, but I think you probably deserve to know."

He took a moment to gather his thoughts, before speaking in a slow, low voice. "When I was sixteen, I killed a person because I lost control."

Ash leaned back, taken by surprise. Kaidan losing control? The idea sounded preposterous. Kaidan was the very epitome of military discipline and self-control. But if he was telling the truth, then something extremely traumatic pushed him to it.

"What happened?" she asked quietly.

"You remember hearing about Jump Zero, right?" he asked her back. Ash was caught off guard by the strange question, but nodded nonetheless. "I was one of the applicants there, training to use my biotics without killing myself."

Kaidan let out a puff of air laced with old aggression, flashing back to his childhood. "Whatever the vids say, that place was a shithole for me and all the other kids stuck there with me." Ash went through her experiences with Alenko, and not once could she remember him swearing. "Conatix had no real knowledge on how element zero affected humans, so we never got the proper amount of food we needed and the drills made kids burn out more than help them train.

"I might have been able to forgive all that if it weren't for Vyrnnus, our biotic drill instructor."

Ash could still hear the resentment in his voice, but it was also laced with something else. Regret? Apathy? Intrigued, she asked, "But I thought we didn't have any biotics in the military before Jump Zero, so where did they…" she trailed off, a cold feeling settling in her chest as she put the pieces together.

"They brought in an alien, didn't they?"

He nodded mutely. "Vyrnnus was a Turian, former military officer who fought through the First Contact War. Liked to brag about commanding the dreadnought that destroyed our parents' ships even though we knew he was full of shit."

Ash scowled only slightly. She wasn't peeved by the fact a human research company employed an alien. But did they have to enlist one that hated humans?

Kaidan went on, "Vyrnnus made life hell for each and every one of us. He never let up, yelling at us to keep going past our exhaustion points, then punishing us if we couldn't give anymore. I understand his motivations now that I'm older, but I don't think I could ever forgive him for how he borderline abused us. For how he treated her."

She noticed the verbal slip up. "Her?"

He snapped his gaze to Ash, his eyes wide as realization dawned on what he let slip out. His mouth opened, but no words came out, and he resigned to closing it again. Kaidan looked away nervously, his eyes glossing over as bittersweet memories resurfaced. "Rahna."

The pair was silent for a moment, Ash letting Kaidan psych himself up mentally for what he wanted to say. She knew talking about this kind of stuff must be extremely difficult for him. The fact that Kaidan was letting her hear this story cemented the idea that they were more than fellow soldiers. They were friends, and friends helped each other wherever they could.

After a moment he said, "Rahna wasn't like any girl I'd met before. She was smart, fun, and beautiful, but not stuck up about it. She could make friends with just about anyone. But she didn't have a mean bone in her body. She didn't like confrontation. Thing is, I never faulted her for it. I never saw her as a soldier, but something better, like a doctor or politician."

Ash noticed the faint smiled tugging on his lips, talking about a girl he obviously liked as more than a friend. "Sounds like you two really cared about each other."

Kaidan let out one airy chuckle and looked down. "I remember there always being something between us, but… we never got the chance to figure things out." And just like that the brief moment of levity was gone again, replaced by a stern expression as something important came back to the forefront of his mind.

She watched the emotions play out on his face, already knowing full well where this story was headed. "That's what made you lose your cool," Ash inferred softly. "Vyrnnus hurt Rahna."

Kaidan's fists clenched in his lap, and his words were heavy with emotion. "He broke her arm because she reached for a glass of water instead of grabbing it with her biotics. She just didn't want to get a nosebleed for once."

Kaidan shut his eyes once more as he shook his head. "We'd been living through that kind of stuff for years, but that day I finally snapped, I'd finally had enough of this Turian treating my friends and I like dirt. So I got in his face and told him what for. He yelled at me, I yelled back. He threatened to kill me, and I called his bluff. That was when the knife came out."

He was silent for a moment, taking long, deep breaths to get his blood pressure back under control. In a calmer, much quieter voice, he said, "Before I realized what was happening, I sent a biotic punch into Vyrnuss's face with almost as much force as I could muster today. He flew back, hit the wall, and broke his neck. The medics couldn't get him to a med bay in time, so he died."

Ash was silent after that, letting all of Kaidan's words sink in for them both. She knew she was among a very small group of people to have actually heard Kaidan's account of his childhood. She couldn't imagine what it was like for him to have his first kill be something so personal. For Ash the first person she'd ever killed was the man she sniped on Utukku. Then the man was almost a klick away and downrange of Ashley's rifle. It was quick, impersonal, a single event that simply happened.

But this was a Turian Kaidan had likely known for years, and dozens of events and confrontations finally boiled over the day Vyrnnus broker Rahna's arm. Kaidan was by no means a malicious person. Having killed Vyrnnus probably ate away at his soul, even to this day, despite the fact that he had been in the right.

"So what happened?" she eventually asked. "You weren't charged for protecting yourself, were you?"

Kaidan shook his head. "It was labeled self-defense. But what happened with Vyrnnus was the tipping point for Jump Zero. The station was shut down, its staff reassigned, and the remaining kids were sent back home."

He looked off into the distance, his eyes misty and dark. "I tried keeping in touch with Rahna, but… seeing me kill Vyrnnus changed her too. She never wanted to talk to me again."

Ash heard the disappointment in his voice, and he now looked visibly worn down. Despite herself, Ash couldn't stop from feeling resentful toward this Rahna. Kaidan had done what he did to protect this girl, and as a reward she shattered his teenage heart. Kaidan was one of the closest friends Ash had right now, and he deserved better than that.

Kaidan wiped a hand over his face, giving himself a little jostle to break out of his reverie. "Sorry, Chief. I don't mean to sound like a whiner. I've worked past my problems, but sometimes I can't help them coming back up."

She sidled closer and looped an arm around his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. "It's really no trouble. This is what friends do, right?"

He sobered at that, giving a small smile in return. "I suppose it is. And… thanks, Ash. For listening." Sufficiently in lighter spirits, Kaidan picked up his now cooled mug of tea and pushed himself up, Ashley following suit. They walked back the kitchen so Kaidan could wash out the mug.

Over his shoulder, he said, "I forgot to ask, what are you still doing up? You know, besides giving me a pep talk."

"I was getting a checkup from Chakwas," she said, leaning her hip on the counter. "She wanted to make sure my leg was healing alright. Then I talked with T'Soni for a while, and I came out here for a cup of tea before I hit the hay."

Kaidan turned to her, his brow raised in surprise. "You actually got T'Soni to talk for more than a minute? Color me impressed."

"Yeah. She's not as bad as I thought she'd be. What's your opinion on her?"

"Well, I don't think she's working with Saren or her mother, if that's what you're asking. Other than that, I think she's smart, a little too shy for her own good, but she can handle herself. Shepard and I have already talked about taking her on ground missions."

"Good, we're on the same page then. T'Soni's gonna come down to the cargo bay tomorrow and I'll get her kitted out."

"Sounds good." Kaidan paused a moment, considering an afterthought. "Pretty easy on the eyes too."

Ash quirked an eyebrow at him. "That your official opinion, sir?"

Kaidan laughed, freely this time, without reservation. "No, no. I just like to give appreciation where I think it's due." Kaidan crossed his arms and fixed Ash with a peculiar stare. "Although I'm not the only one with my eye on someone else."

Ash audibly groaned, knowing this had been coming eventually. "You don't have to bead around the bush, Alenko. Yes, Shepard and I are in a relationship, and yes, we're fully aware of how bad that can look if it got out. So if you have any concerns or reservations, please, lay them on me."

He sighed and rested his hand on the counter. "I won't give you the whole spiel about fraternization regs and what kinds of punishments you could land. All I can really say is be careful. For his sake."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean Shepard cares about you. A lot. If something happened to you or if you did something to hurt him, I don't know how well he'd handle it." Kaidan glanced away, his fingers tapping the counter nervously. "When the distress beacon from Eden Prime came in, something changed in Shepard. He was focused and driven, sure, but he was tense and on edge. He was single mindedly focused on finding you. And he didn't get back to normal until we made sure you were safe."

"Oh," was her only response. Ash turned away from him, leaning back against the counter, thinking over his warning. The prospect of either of them getting hurt was something that hadn't really factored in her mind yet. Sure, they'd have some scrapes and bruises after a firefight, but the idea of being seriously hurt on mission was something that hadn't registered yet. While Shepard was extremely unlucky and attracted unforeseen problems like a plague, he also had a natural knack for getting out of those same problems little worse for wear. But what about when that luck ran out? How would Ashley react if she had to drag a critically wounded Shepard back to the ship?

A hand on her arm ended her musings, and Ash looked up to find Kaidan standing in front of her with a sympathetic expression. "Look, I know you're only doing this because you care about him too. All I'm saying is tread lightly. Both you and Shepard are two of the best friend's I've made in years, and I'd hate to see either of you get hurt."

She flashed him a genuine smile. "I appreciate it Kaidan. But we are soldiers. Getting hurt isn't something we can avoid altogether."

"Don't I know it." Kaidan retracted the hand and began to walk away. "I need to get some rack time, Chief. Just think about what I said. Good night."

"Night, LT," she called after him. Kaidan disappeared around the corner, and Ash turned back to the cupboards. As she prepared her mug of Jasmine tea, Ash thought back over the varied conversations she'd had that night, and the implications they could hold for her love life.

* * *

"Mornin'."

Joker craned his neck around in his chair to find Ashley Williams coming into his cockpit, steaming mug of what smelled like coffee in hand, as she plunked herself down in the seat to his right.

"Well good morning, Chief!" he returned too cheerily for someone this early in the morning. "And to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Ashley winced at the high pitch of his tone, her hearing still sensitive from sleep. "Lewiztky and Robinson were getting into it about the biotiball game last night, and I don't have the caffeine to deal with how heated their debates can get. So I figured I'd come up here and pester the best pilot on the _Normandy_ before my shift starts."

"I'm the only pilot on this ship," he pointed out numbly.

"And I must say the competition for that title was simply _fierce._"

She paused mid-sip to look at Joker when he let out a condescending, "Ooooohhh, I see how it is. A certain someone doesn't know how to tell their best buddy Joker just how madly in love with him she is, so she hides her feelings by making fun of him."

Ash rolled her eyes. "You're an incorrigible ass, Joker."

"And I bet you'd just love to sink your teeth into this 'incorrigible ass,' Chief."

"God, I didn't need that image in my head you perverted little bastard." She paused, thinking over her conversations from last night. "Wait. Did you get that from Chakwas?"

Joker only gave her a sly glance and chuckled in the back of his throat.

She openly gawked at him. "You little sneak! Is this what you do all day? Just listen to other people's gossip?"

"Well what am I supposed to do?" he said with a laugh. "I can barely move from here as is. Besides you'd be amazed at what people say when they think you're not listening."

"Uh huh. Doesn't change the fact you're a little skeeve."

He took his hat off and held it over his heart, speaking in an over exaggerated tone of mock civility. "You wound me, Chief. I will have you know I uphold such a laborious duty in order to ensure to safety and cooperation of the crew. It may be a job far removed from the spotlight that doesn't garner a lot of notoriety, but I believe myself humble and dedicated enough to perform such a duty to the best of my abilities."

"Wow. You write the speeches those big Alliance admirals like to spout off when they feel like stroking their egos?"

"You know, I keep submitting ideas but they turn me down every time. Something about my orations being too salacious or rambunctious or something." Joker had a big stupid grin on while he resituated his hat.

Feeling no need to wipe off her own stupid grin, Ashley crossed her legs and turned to the pilot. "So tell me, Joker, was it your civic duty that led you to finding out about the truth between Shepard and I?"

Joker scratched his scraggly beard, pretending to be deep in thought. "Well since you mention it, I remember one day, whilst shifting through various Alliance channels minding my own business, that Shepard's extranet address had a few… loopholes."

"Right," Ash deadpanned.

She saw through just how innocent the pilot's tone was, poorly concealing the bullshit he was spouting off. But Joker was generally fun to talk to, so she humored him while he continued. "Being the upstanding Alliance citizen I am, I decided to probe this breach in our defenses. You know, to better report on how to fix it. When I realized Shepard had a long distance relationship, I had to make sure it was conducive to his mental health."

Clapping her hands in her lap and speaking in mock praise, Ash leaned forward and said, "Well, Mr. Moreau, I must simply commend on your effort above and beyond the call of duty, and I thank you for the services you provide us." She sat back and took another swig of coffee. "Still doesn't change the fact you're a little skeeve."

Joker only laughed at her expense. More seriously, he said, "If it's any consolation, it's not like I got anything juicy whenever you and Shepard talked." He turned to her, giving Ash a malign glare. "I swear you two are the most boring couple ever. I kept coming back expecting hot phone sex, but all you ever talked about was family stuff or weather or favorite movies and other crap. By the way, The Matrix films were cinematic genius. You're just too hard headed to understand them."

Ash rolled her eyes. "Well I am _sooo_ sorry the conversations my boyfriend and I had getting to know each other weren't mentally stimulating for you. And for the record, I did actually like the first Matrix. I just thought the second two were lame."

Joker muttered something that sounded like, "Wasn't stimulating in ANY respect."

The perfect idea on how to torture Joker popped into her head, and Ash grinned evilly. "Although it had been almost two years since Shepard and I saw each other before I joined the _Normandy_, and I must admit I was _this_ close to trying out phone sex. I bet it would have been amazing too."

Joker threw his hand up in exasperation. "Why you gotta do that, Williams? That's like showing a kid delicious caramel apple made just for him, then chucking it into the trash while he watches."

Laughing, Ash stood back and placed a hand on his shoulder while her glared at her. "Aww, don't worry Joker. I'm sure you'll find something to occupy yourself." She checked the time on her Omni Tool. "Well, looks like my shift starts in five. I'll talk to you later, Fly Boy."

"Yeah whatever," Joker mumbled sourly.

Before she walked away, Ash was struck with an idea even more evil than the last. Acting quickly, she leaned over and snatched Joker's hat right off his head. The man was still reaching up to grab at where it used in shock while the woman scurried away, placing the hat on her head and laughing hysterically the whole way.

"Williams!" Joker called out. "Come back here and give me my hat back!" He tried to lift himself up from his chair, but without his crutches that was proving too difficult, so he flopped back down. "Come on, Williams, give me my hat! This isn't funny anymore! Williams!"

Divider Line

_Author's Note: So while writing I found out I LOVE Chakwas's character. She's so witty and just fun to write. I also found out I suck at writing Liara, which partially led to why it took me so long to get this chapter out. I had to rewrite her conversation several times. But I'm glad I did it!_

_As I said before, I've been dealing with a lot of issues from both school and my personal life. But right now I'm on Spring Break, so hopefully I'll be able to crank out another chapter or two before I head back into real life. Plus, Play Nice Part 2 should be easier to write. I have interesting plans for the Normandy's other aliens. (Insert Evil Laugh here)_


End file.
